Paddy123

Hi everyone, unfortunately I relapsed and made a complete idiot of myself. Sacked from my job, barred from 4 pubs in my local area. Now at 50 days alcohol free and working on getting new job and my head together. Currently, I'm suffering terrible post alcohol withdrawal symptoms and don't know if its PAWS or depression? I seem to have a permanent brain fog with memory problems and depersonilation. I'm exercising everyday and eating healthy and hope that this hell ends soon. Take care everyone, hope I've learnt my lesson at 60 years old..or early grave like a vegetable.

biminiblue

Well if you've been drinking for many years I would expect it will take a long time to heal.

It was a good year for me before I felt like my body was more or less normal. If you're concerned about depression, maybe talk to a professional? I don't take any meds but that may be something you want to consider.

D122y

The real me is pretty much present after my clean time, but it took the better part of 5 years.

I drank off and on since I was 5 years old.

All I knew of me was being addicted to drugs (booze).

Give it time. The brain doesn't ever totally heal. It is about getting used to what is left.

That is why it takes so long and why relapses cause an immediate return to feeling like we never quit in the first place.

This can be incredibly discouraging and the reason why I must never never ever ever ingest the toxin again.

Love always.

stickyone

PAWS not the best feeling. My emotions were on hyper mode then it would dump and I'd be very low. It will pass and maybe come back? I dug my heads in the books. Being in recovery has opened my eyes to reading. Do a little exercise and reading has been great for PAWS. In my experience but a professional is also amazing for mental health. Have a wonderful day

Hevyn

Hi Paddy. I'm so sorry you're going through this painful time. If you're like I was, it will mean the end of your drinking life. I was older too when I relapsed and ended up getting a DUI, took alcohol to work, became completely reckless, & put myself in danger. I still can't believe I somehow justified continuing to pour it down my throat.
The good news is - that was the last time I drank. 14 yrs. later, the horror of what I put myself through has stayed with me. I use the memories to remain vigilant and vow to never return to hell.

This can be the end of your misery. I hope you'll stay with us & talk things over as you begin to heal. Being here every day has helped keep me strong & courageous. You can do it, Paddy.

Anna

Paddy, I'm sorry you're going through this. It was the hardest part of recovery for me - dealing with all the messes I'd made while drinking. It was so, so hard. But, I can promise you it gets better. 50 days of recovery is wonderful, but still relatively early days. I found a big shift in my thinking at around the 3 month point.

Robbie64

I did once read that it takes the body and mind about one month to recover from every year that someone has been drinking. I'm not sure I believe that but if someone has been drinking to excess for many years, they aren't going to feel great after just a few weeks. At 7 weeks it could be PAWS or it could be depression but could you seek out some medical advice and intervention from your doctor?

anxiousrock

50 days is excellent. Congrats on that, and I hope you start feeling better soon!

Dee74

I'm sorry all that happened Paddy.
If you think it might be depression no harm in seeing your doctor about - Bim is right tho... it may take a while for things like the brain fog to lift.

congrats on 50 days

D

Paddy123

Hi Everyone, thank you so so much for your reply's. Yes, I hope this is my last relapse and will take all your comments/suggestions into account. You are so very very kind. I'm not feeling great today, just Blah!! with some nausea, racing thoughts (mostly about things in my distant past that I have no control over now and are history) From my searches on PAWS I know this will pass and just try to ignore crazy thoughts and racing mind. I have a young family and a super wife, last night I took my youngest son to a big football match in a big stadium, his first time ever at a big game, he was so excited and overpowered with joy with 20,000 supporters, I was so happy I was able to bring him to the event along with his school friends and parents also, it made me feel so good too!! imagine if I was drinking this wouldn't have happened. I need to follow the Happiness and enjoy my family. More updates during the week, God Bless you all, Paddy

Hevyn

Thanks for the update, Paddy - the football match must have been great.
I know what you mean about feeling blah, and memories can haunt us. That was a problem for me in the early days, but we're not meant to dwell in the past. It's ok to have some regrets if they help you stay determined to never go back there. But you have a whole new life to enjoy - and it sounds like you're doing just that.

Mizz

You are doing well, Paddy. Keep moving forward. It will get better.
It took a lot of us awhile to get to some normalcy. You are changing your life.

Paddy123

Thanks Henyn and Mizz, had a super sleep last night and feeling much better today. My kids are on midterm break and have gone away for a few days to visit friends with their mammy. Quiet house and few jobs to get done..aaahhhhh peace and quiet...but miss them...feeling good ..thanks Guys

fishkiller

Fixed the typo for ya

You will adjust. Like others have said it takes time. If we drink we don't heal.

Surrendered19

50 days is awesome Paddy.

A wise SR person once observed that it is best to view our drinking as a permanently unbroken uninterrupted downward-heading arc. We can take some time off and step off the ride, but regardless of how long we are sober, once we drink again, we join that ride already in progress as if we'd never stopped.

I've always found that to be such a clear way to see a drinking future.

We're with you on this road Paddy.

Paddy123

Thanks Fishkiller ..you are correct 100%

Paddy123

Thank you Surrendered. You are correct and I will not be joining that dangerous ride ever again.

Steely

Great stuff Paddy.

I've been barred from pubs for behaving like an idiot too. It's humiliating at the time, but with each and every sober day, humiliation turns to gratitude, as we learn to put the past behind us in the knowledge we will never drink again, never feel that way again.

It's a good feeling Paddy, take it in both hands.

Your son will be so proud.

Paddy123

Thank you Steely totallyagree. Getting stronger by the day Thank God. Take care in these crazy times..

Outonthetiles

It took a good 90 days for the worst of the brain fog to go away, and probably another six months to feel normal. At about six months to 9 months I was hit with a ton of deferred emotion/guilt that I'd previously ignored by drinking. That's something no one warned me about, or else I was a particularly bad person, but a lot of guilt came rushing back, and even now I still have to deal with it. But at least I can deal with all of it sober and with a clear mind, and that's really important. I think the "making amends" step in the AA program may deal with the deferred guilt phase, and I've tried to make amends but for the most part I've had to deal with all of it on my own.