26 years January 3
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
26 years January 3
It’s possible that we see a series of post New Years anniversary dates around here as if many of us needed to celebrate that last raucous Holiday season before committing to sobriety. It may be true for me to some extent, but I don’t consciously associate getting the Holidays out of the way with actual recovery.
In fact, 26 years ago on Jan 3, I had my last drink, but I didn’t know it at the time. I thought it was just going to be another 3 days of climbing the walls before being overwhelmed by cravings one more time. I wasn’t to the point of never drinking again, and while I had heard about some people taking such a draconian step, I had never honestly considered such a thing for myself. But I had taken what seemed like extraordinary measures to fix myself and failed often.
I had gone through three counselors, none that I considered gifted or all that knowledgeable about alcoholism, and I had attempted an uncountable number of 3 day periods of shear misery without drinking. There were no secular recovery programs that I knew about, and certainly none within 100 miles.
So on the day that I took that last drink, it was nothing more than me doing what I had done many times before. I was seeing a counselor at a local out patient alcohol facility, but he got fired for reasons I was never told, and he was replaced by a woman who refused to even talk to me unless I went to AA, which she claimed, “Seemed to work better than counseling.” By pulling the counseling rug out from under me, she had cut off all my remaining resources, at least the ones I could think of.
So 5 miserable days after my last drink, after being symbolically thrown out the office by a counselor who refused to talk to me if I wasn‘t in AA, I went to an AA meeting with my hat in my hand. And I never saw her again after that. Why would I if I wasn’t drinking? (I don‘t recommend this. Counselors can do a lot of good, but that one was little more than an AA referral service).
The AA program was not a good fit for me, but the environment was a very good fit. There were people there with years of continuous sobriety that were unmistakably happy, something I had never imagined as possible. I could imagine years of continuous sobriety, but never being happy about it. Others were happy to be there, and happy to have me there, and some were still struggling to be generally happy about much of anything.
But seeing the joy of some of them and being told that AA did not recommend anything less than total abstinence, turned the corner for me. I knew I was just as capable as anyone in the room, and seeing the joy in others, I was willing to give that a try. That along with the fact that I had 5 days of insane cravings out of the way by that time, and I had a good start on that first week of Hell we all go through.
A big factor was that AA met every night and could serve as a daily goal for me to reach. Before the meeting, I had planned to head for a bar right after the meeting, but I was able to drive home with the hope that I could make it to the next meeting without drinking, and if I could do that every day for a few weeks, maybe I could stop drinking completely.
I don’t believe in magic, but what seemed magical about that night is that those insane cravings for the last 5 days ended. Sure, I still had cravings, but they were suddenly reduced in intensity to “manageable.” And with each passing day, week, and month, they became more and more manageable.
Now that first night at AA, I didn’t make a real commitment to sobriety. I just made a commitment to give it an honest try. If things didn’t work out, there was a bar right down the street. I think it was a week later, when I had things under control is when I made an actual commitment to never drink again. While January 3rd was my last drink and is now my anniversary, somewhere after the 10th is what I arbitrarily consider the beginning of my recovery, which was marked by a conscious and unmistakable embrace of abstinence and a finality to my old life.
I don’t really claim I am recovered, because I believe that taking one drink will never end in satisfaction. I don’t have that in me, and believe I never will, but in some ways, I do feel recovered, because I know without question or doubt that I will never drink again. Even if I were a normie with the ability to moderate, I can’t see any upside in alcohol. I certainly don’t need it to be social, as I once did, and more than anything, I don’t need it to be happy or content. And I don’t need to take a drink out of defiance against my own better judgment as I used to do. I’m where I want to be.
But I do kind of consider myself recovered because that old life is gone for good, and everything seems so “right,” but I confess there is a bathtub full of semantics involved in that claim of “recovered.” Put it this way; I feel recovered, but I never take my feelings that seriously. I'm just aware that drinking is not in my future.
In fact, 26 years ago on Jan 3, I had my last drink, but I didn’t know it at the time. I thought it was just going to be another 3 days of climbing the walls before being overwhelmed by cravings one more time. I wasn’t to the point of never drinking again, and while I had heard about some people taking such a draconian step, I had never honestly considered such a thing for myself. But I had taken what seemed like extraordinary measures to fix myself and failed often.
I had gone through three counselors, none that I considered gifted or all that knowledgeable about alcoholism, and I had attempted an uncountable number of 3 day periods of shear misery without drinking. There were no secular recovery programs that I knew about, and certainly none within 100 miles.
So on the day that I took that last drink, it was nothing more than me doing what I had done many times before. I was seeing a counselor at a local out patient alcohol facility, but he got fired for reasons I was never told, and he was replaced by a woman who refused to even talk to me unless I went to AA, which she claimed, “Seemed to work better than counseling.” By pulling the counseling rug out from under me, she had cut off all my remaining resources, at least the ones I could think of.
So 5 miserable days after my last drink, after being symbolically thrown out the office by a counselor who refused to talk to me if I wasn‘t in AA, I went to an AA meeting with my hat in my hand. And I never saw her again after that. Why would I if I wasn’t drinking? (I don‘t recommend this. Counselors can do a lot of good, but that one was little more than an AA referral service).
The AA program was not a good fit for me, but the environment was a very good fit. There were people there with years of continuous sobriety that were unmistakably happy, something I had never imagined as possible. I could imagine years of continuous sobriety, but never being happy about it. Others were happy to be there, and happy to have me there, and some were still struggling to be generally happy about much of anything.
But seeing the joy of some of them and being told that AA did not recommend anything less than total abstinence, turned the corner for me. I knew I was just as capable as anyone in the room, and seeing the joy in others, I was willing to give that a try. That along with the fact that I had 5 days of insane cravings out of the way by that time, and I had a good start on that first week of Hell we all go through.
A big factor was that AA met every night and could serve as a daily goal for me to reach. Before the meeting, I had planned to head for a bar right after the meeting, but I was able to drive home with the hope that I could make it to the next meeting without drinking, and if I could do that every day for a few weeks, maybe I could stop drinking completely.
I don’t believe in magic, but what seemed magical about that night is that those insane cravings for the last 5 days ended. Sure, I still had cravings, but they were suddenly reduced in intensity to “manageable.” And with each passing day, week, and month, they became more and more manageable.
Now that first night at AA, I didn’t make a real commitment to sobriety. I just made a commitment to give it an honest try. If things didn’t work out, there was a bar right down the street. I think it was a week later, when I had things under control is when I made an actual commitment to never drink again. While January 3rd was my last drink and is now my anniversary, somewhere after the 10th is what I arbitrarily consider the beginning of my recovery, which was marked by a conscious and unmistakable embrace of abstinence and a finality to my old life.
I don’t really claim I am recovered, because I believe that taking one drink will never end in satisfaction. I don’t have that in me, and believe I never will, but in some ways, I do feel recovered, because I know without question or doubt that I will never drink again. Even if I were a normie with the ability to moderate, I can’t see any upside in alcohol. I certainly don’t need it to be social, as I once did, and more than anything, I don’t need it to be happy or content. And I don’t need to take a drink out of defiance against my own better judgment as I used to do. I’m where I want to be.
But I do kind of consider myself recovered because that old life is gone for good, and everything seems so “right,” but I confess there is a bathtub full of semantics involved in that claim of “recovered.” Put it this way; I feel recovered, but I never take my feelings that seriously. I'm just aware that drinking is not in my future.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,342
DriGuy, what a great story.
Congratulations. 🎉🎊🎏🪅🪄💫🤓
You are living proof this can be done, and I’m so happy for that.
We appreciate your insight here, you have helped so many…..
Congratulations. 🎉🎊🎏🪅🪄💫🤓
You are living proof this can be done, and I’m so happy for that.
We appreciate your insight here, you have helped so many…..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,598
Congratulations DriGuy.
Don't think I've read one of your posts that has not been insightful, and I thank you.
I really liked, "And I don't need to take a drink out of defiance against my own better judgement...". I used to do that all of the time as well.
Thanks for being here DryGuy.
Don't think I've read one of your posts that has not been insightful, and I thank you.
I really liked, "And I don't need to take a drink out of defiance against my own better judgement...". I used to do that all of the time as well.
Thanks for being here DryGuy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Thanks so much for being one of the steady voices here on SR DriGuy. Congrats on 26 years!!! That is amazing. You help so many here and you help me each time you post.
Your final thoughts in this post are of a particular comfort to me, and I'm sure others. I don't know if I am recovered, and I don't know what to call what I am doing, and where this all leads. The only thing I know is that I don't drink anymore. Ever again. At least that way, when the answers come to me, if they come to me, I'll be awake and ready to learn.
Your final thoughts in this post are of a particular comfort to me, and I'm sure others. I don't know if I am recovered, and I don't know what to call what I am doing, and where this all leads. The only thing I know is that I don't drink anymore. Ever again. At least that way, when the answers come to me, if they come to me, I'll be awake and ready to learn.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,948
What an inspiration, DriGuy.
I’ve started saying this annoying and corny phrase “somewhere out there, there’s a drink with my name on it” meaning there’ll be some trigger one day that is too powerful to ignore. But you’ve shown this doesn’t have to be the case. I really liked your $600k (?) fun stat too. We’re all gonna be rich 🤣
I’ve started saying this annoying and corny phrase “somewhere out there, there’s a drink with my name on it” meaning there’ll be some trigger one day that is too powerful to ignore. But you’ve shown this doesn’t have to be the case. I really liked your $600k (?) fun stat too. We’re all gonna be rich 🤣
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Thanks, DriGuy, for your story, and mostly for all you have done here to help me and so many others with your sensible advice and and well-articulated posts. You have also had many interesting experiences and adventures since you got sober, and are an example for all of us.
Great work. Thank you!
Great work. Thank you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
Originally Posted by Hodd 
What an inspiration, DriGuy.
I’ve started saying this annoying and corny phrase “somewhere out there, there’s a drink with my name on it” meaning there’ll be some trigger one day that is too powerful to ignore. But you’ve shown this doesn’t have to be the case. I really liked your $600k (?) fun stat too. We’re all gonna be rich 🤣
I’ve started saying this annoying and corny phrase “somewhere out there, there’s a drink with my name on it” meaning there’ll be some trigger one day that is too powerful to ignore. But you’ve shown this doesn’t have to be the case. I really liked your $600k (?) fun stat too. We’re all gonna be rich 🤣
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
Thanks friends. And I really do mean thanks. It's such a pleasure to be around all of you in this forum because I too am still learning from others, and I still find inspiration in the success of others. We tend to measure sobriety in time, although I always maintain that quality of our sobriety is equally important, even though it's harder to measure. As for 26 years, I'm certainly happy to have that, and while that sounds like a lot to the newcomers, it's not as important to me as the day that I nailed my first year. That one was more on the order of "mind boggling." 26 years was just expected, although I'm still very grateful.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,948
Originally Posted by DriGuy
I can't remember the exact amount I posted, but actually it's $65K. I'll still take it, though. All I have to do is do is not drink for the next 260 years, and it will be over $600K. I don't know if the app adjusts for inflation, and I'm probably never going to do the math to check.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
What a great story DriGuy. It’s amazing to have you in this forum, the way you break things down and your insights are being very helpful to me.
Thank you for still being here helping us even after you are “recovered”! You are a big inspiration to us all.
Thank you for still being here helping us even after you are “recovered”! You are a big inspiration to us all.
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