Pekelover2

Hi everyone,
I receive so many amazing responses after my accident. I just wanted to start a new thread. Because I wanted to thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart. Just to refresh your memory: I am a 52 year old female, I am the 12-15 year 2xs monthly binge drinker and the molecular biologist who is married to an ER physician. A great source of strength for me has been the ability to run and to cycle and to work out. Last week I was riding my bike and I got hit by a small truck. I can’t believe how lucky I got. I didn’t break a single bone. I have almost 50 staples in my knee and a lot of stitches in my face. But I was able to walk a mile yesterday (and it was in the snow).
A lot of you expressed so much care towards my situation and you already reminded me not to drink. This is the lowest point (physically) that I can think of that I have experienced in a long time of my 12-15 years of binge drinking. I have always used physical activity as a way to center myself and as a way to prevent myself from drinking. Now this has been stripped from me. But it could have been so much worse.
I could be in a wheelchair right now. Or I could be dead. And I have to remember that I must be strong.
thankfully my husband was not working when my accident happened. When he got the message and came into the room he burst into tears. And that’s very hard for him to do.

During this time that I am convalescing I see a bit of resentment in his eyes. There have been many many times that he has nursed me from a horrible hangover or helped me when I have been blacked out on the sofa to get back to bed. Those were instances that I could’ve prevented. But now I need him in a genuine and a bona fide way. But now my husband looks tired. He looks weary. And I think (as I mentioned) it’s from all the years of him having to babysit me when I get drunk. There were so many times he sat up worried that I would wander out of his sight or trip over some thing or walk outside. It gets exhausting babysitting somebody. Especially a drunk spouse. And I feel ashamed to tell all of you this. But it’s true. It’s my truth.

So many of you made such excellent points about the actual metaphor being hit by a truck and my life with alcohol spiraling out of control. Of course I was not drinking when I was cycling. But who knows how dull my reflexes were due to the habitual binge drinking.
Surrendered I will give you my word not to use this as an excuse to drink.

I will be strong! I’m getting choked up as I write this. I wish you could all give me a cyber hug. But I’m a grown woman and it’s time I learned how to soothe myself.

Thank you all so much.

Hawkeye13

I am so selfish when I drink. No other way to see it or put it. But our past doesn’t have to dictate our future—

Dee74

Let this be the start of a long and fulfilling Chapter Two, PL

Steely

Convalesce and get well Pekelover.

The weary look in your husband's eyes wil be replaced with happiness as he sees you sober. And who wants to be babysat at anyrate?

How good that you were wearing a helmet. The one you were wearing really broke up! Very lucky indeed!

least

I hope this will be the start of a wonderful sober life.

sugarbear1

Great decision!

What's your plan of action going to be now?

Ayers

So glad you're okay Pekelover. Hope you're back to your old self soon.

Pekelover2

Thank you all for your support.
sugarbear-
I work remotely. Bu in this fee time that I have, I’m reading two books. I’m cooking. And I’m able to do abdominal classes. So I’m really milking that for what it’s worth. I’m calling friends. I usually like to workout when I feel like I want to drink. So reading and watching documentaries is helping. (I’ve always been an avid reader).
I hope that this works. I have SR too!!

MythOfSisyphus

Wow, very scary! I'm glad you weren't hurt worse. It's kind of ironic that after all the stupid stuff I did drunk the only serious injury I've ever had came at work, when I was already 8 years sober. It's not an exaggeration to say that getting sober is like being born again into a new life. I'm glad you're here with us @Pekelover2!

Triggered

I'm so happy that you seem to have (literally) stumbled across your epiphany. Take that lesson and the subsequent good wishes and advice from this forum and change it into something real and sustaining. Youre already making it happen. Run with it. I dont want to speak for everyone here but I always get the feeling that when someone gets the benefit from posting on the forum, we all heal a little bit too. As an aside, since you enjoy reading, I urge you to look for the works of Dr Gabor Mate. He has a website and has many talks which can be found for free on youtube. He covers many subjects but his take on the addictive condition for me is second to none. Oh....and keep posting...youre part of the family now and we need you.

LoveHateWhine

Well said, Peke. Thank you very much for the honest post. It was just what I needed to read this morning.

Anna

I'm sorry to hear about your accident and I hope you heal quickly. It seems to me that this is meant to get your attention and help you to focus on your abstinence and recovery. I know you're ready to live a sober life and I know that you can do it. I'm glad that you are able to walk, which will help you physically and mentally to heal from the accident.

newhope01

I think this is a good start but it might not be enough long term. Adding some face to face support might be beneficial. I personally support AA but there are other types of recovery groups as well.

Im glad you choose a life of sobriety and it sounds like you will make a full recovery from accident. Sounds like you were blessed with a second chance.

Pekelover2

Anna, Dee, Newhope, Lovehate,Triggered, Myth, Ayer’s, Least, Steely, and Hawkeye,
Thank you all so much for taking the time to write back to me.
Your responses brought me so much joy today.
You have no idea.

Steely

Onya Peke!

VikingGF

Peke- It's good to hear you are physically feeling better, you will feel better mentally as well in time. The Universe speaks to us loudly, doesn't it? I hope you can use this time to reflect on the true benefits of sobriety and see it as the gift that it is, as you feel better physically, you will need to reflect on those thoughts and feelings. Practice gratitude daily, so many of us have found that helpful, especially in the early days. Your brush with mortality is certainly unfortunate, but sometimes it does give that bit of clarity that may have taken years to gain. Stay sober, stay positive and stay grateful.

We are with you. Good job on your sober time, you get credit for it all no matter how it came about.

Triggered

How's it going Peke?