dustyfox

Today was very stressful, 'I need a drink stressful' - my mother, (who has Alzheimer's), and my stepfather are moving house, from a large house to a smaller one. I went to help pack my mothers clothes today and found to my horror they have packed nothing at all. The removal firm come in 48 hours. My mother was running around threatening to leave, accusing us of stealing her clothes and then bursting into song, or appearing suddenly wearing a lot of makeup and trying to hide her things from me - ( my daughter, dear girl, was brilliant with her) , my stepfather is over whelmed and their furniture and 'stuff' everywhere.

Turns out they are both secret hoarders.

I could literally feel my stress levels going up and up through the day and I was constantly hearing my AV begging me for the promise of a bottle of wine this evening. So that was today.
Tomorrow, and the next two days are going to be horrendous. I knew the move was coming but not the now suspected Cancer ( stepdad has a biopsy booked for tomorrow; what bad timing) and a myriad of other unfortunate circumstances.

My stepfather had cleared a larder somewhere in his house and presented me with a box with 7 bottles of wine and a whole host of other 'stuff'. I wont drink them but they are downstairs in my home now.

Tomorrow I have to try and make sense of this mess so they actually move house before; A. my mother runs away. B. Stepfather has some kind of collapse. C. A lockdown is announced.

I have to get rid of the seven bottles of wine ASAP.
I have to find a better way of dealing with stress.
I have to get rid of the wine ASAP.

least

Oh yes, that's a lot of stress on you. Is there anyone you can enlist to help you coordinate this move? The fact that your mom has dementia makes it even harder.

I will keep you in my prayers for help and peace of mind.

Yes yes, get rid of the wine.

Free2bme888

Hugs Dusty.

Alpine

So sorry you are dealing with this. Please please please get rid of the wine. I understand the feeling..however, as you know that situation will still be there after, if you do have a drink. You have worked too hard and have come too far to have a drink. I have been helping my mom and In-laws. My Mom has been a huge challenge. I pretty much have changed my mindset and now treat her as if she was one of my patients. I have detached as her being my Mom. It has helped for the most part. Somedays are harder then others. Like Least asked..can you get any extra help with the move? Gosh, I am sorry. Take care of yourself.

Hodd

Yikes! I was inches from relapsing on day 55 (nearly three years ago) because my mum was being unreasonably old and awkward. Dusty, I’ve got stressed just reading your post. You need to hire some tonne/hippo bags to chuck a load of their junk away and take regular 5/10 minute breaks away from this mess. That wine has to be poured away now. I’d probably be pushed to the limit by this, but remember it’ll be over (the move) in a few weeks and you can return to normality. You’ll look back and be thankful you didn’t succumb. Good luck and take it easy 🙂

RunningScared

Moving companies can help you pack, or refer you to someone who can. It will cost extra, but it might be worth it.

Anna

DustyFox, you're doing great. I'm sorry that there is so much going on right now and it's so stressful for you. Can you hire someone to help you pack and organize things? Is there a neighbor teen who would like to make a bit of money? If you could afford it, it would be well worth paying for help.

And, of course, get rid of the wine.

Zevin

Dusty, I hope you throw the wine away. Don’t even open it….just chuck it in the trash.

advbike

I know you won't drink Dusty, but you certainly do have a lot on your plate. I have been through ALL of that myself - the hoarding, the denial, the dementia, the moving, the wanting to return to home (which we eventually did with 24x7 care). The first time they downsized and moved from his place (East coast) to hers (West coast) it took them TWO years to get packed. That's when I first realize we had a big problem. It is SO stressful. As others suggested, you just need to get help. This is not something that can be done without assistance and there are some agencies that specialize in all of it. Hang in there, I know you can do this, with grace, as always.

DriGuy

Dusty, I don't think stress you are experiencing requires drinking, or that drinking will help it. Only the stress generated by your addiction can be calmed by drinking, and I believe you are reacting your addiction stress, confusing it with life stress. There may be ways you can calm your life stress, or you may have to just live with it for the time being, but drinking only calms the stress caused by the absence of alcohol in your system.

I believe that when alcoholics in recovery say to others over and over, "Drinking does not solve your problems," they are are referring precisely to the phenomena I just described in the above paragraph. Having said that, I believe you are experiencing real honest stress, both life stress and withdrawal stress at the same time, but drinking will only solve your withdrawal problems, not your family problems. And it makes your life problems worse.

Keep in mind that there is physical addiction and psychological addiction. I'll speculate that you have gotten over your physical addiction long ago. But the psychological addiction lingers much longer, and both cause stress.

That is the challenge of recovery, working through your life problems without alcohol. It would be great if in recovery, you didn't have life problems, and without them you would never confuse your addiction stress with anything else. While this presents a challenge, it also becomes a very significant victory as you reinforce how to be alive without alcohol. This is what recovery is, learning to deal without life without reaching for the bottle.

In an odd, but real way, I'm happy for you to be given this chance to take a successful step toward improved recovery. You are being given a chance to deal with adversity, without confusing it with addiction. I know you are taking multiple stress hits from life right now, so you may be wondering if it's more than you should have to bother dealing with right now, but that's your AV talking.

Could I be wrong? Yes, there is always that possibility, but I believe strongly that what I'm telling you is right.

Dee74

Lots of good advice above DF - keep yourself on the right road - whatever it takes
We're with you

D

Steely

You will get the job complete Dusty, help or no help. I hope you get help though.

Stress, shmess! We can do it.

Ommm, always.

fishkiller

Sending strength dusty

Dump the wine. But you already know that

Alpine

How are you doing today dusty?

VikingGF

You can handle this, dusty. I hope it's going smoothly, let us know how you're doing.

BeABetterMan

Dusty, this event will pass. It will be hard, but you and your mother and step father will all survive.

I agree that paying someone to do the work is ideal if possible. And please set reasonable expectations for each day. Also remember you don’t have control over your mother or step father’s biopsy, or the timeline. Just do your best and love with the results. Perfection is too high of a standard.


But throw the wine out immediately. That event on its own will help clear the way for every decision to follow.

Hugs.

dustyfox

Thank you for your encouragement. The wine is still in the boot of my husbands car I haven't had time to throw it away.
It is strange to be dealing with stress with nothing to 'help' with the feeling of stress, I am having to work hard to regulate myself. DriGuy you are right that this is an opportunity to improve my recovery, deepen it I suppose through tackling complex emotions without getting tangled up in addiction.

My mother and Stepfather are tonight in their house with just a bed to sleep in, as all the furniture including grand piano was removed today and waits in a lorry to move tomorrow to their new bungalow. I am experiencing so many emotions, grief at the my mothers Alzheimer's, anxiety that my step father will become very ill, and just stress at the sheer amount of effort it's all taking.

BABM you're right this event will pass - and each day will move into the next and I will survive and they will too, or they wont, and there is nothing significant I can do to change the outcome.

Alpine, I am sorry your mother is also suffering. I have not yet been able to detach from my own mother in the way you describe, I desperately want to rescue her, but of course I cant.

I am trying to 'accept' that things will play out in what ever way they will and that I can do little to change the outcome. Drinking will not help in any way, I know that. Bad things/difficult/ sad things happens in life and whereas in the past a bottle of wine or two appeared to help, it never did help me process any of it, never move on from any of it.

Hodd

Hi Dusty, moving’s a nightmare at the best of times, but with what’s also going on with your mother and stepfather, anyone would get super stressed. It sounds like you’ve pulled it off, though, in a couple of days. I’m not sure how, but wow! Well done on the packing and of course ignoring the wine. Hope the rest of the move works out well.

Dee74

Find the time to throw it away DF

D

dustyfox

It's like a ridiculous farce -my stepfather now has mentioned that since I don't want the wine could he have it back to give to his solicitors/my sister/who ever - it's so stupid there are a million other things to do think about, like the 100 boxes to unpack and I just feel annoyed that he ever gave it to me. My husband will say its a waste of money if I throw it away but FFS I think I should pour the stuff away tomorrow morning and just be done with it.

I really resent the fact I have to even think about it - he gave it to me like it was some amazing act of generosity and in fact its just a few bottles of plonk. ( If I knew how to do an angry annoyed emoji I would!)