Camabelle2

Hello my name is Rachael and 33 years old I’ve been with my husband for 11 years we have a four-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son 15 months apart my husband has always had an issue with alcohol but since we’ve had any younger two children it’s gotten out of control in the last year he’s began to drink whiskey shooters hiding them everywhere he’s also gotten a DWI which is currently on probation for two years he has a major anger problem the cops have been out to her house numerous times but I can never follow through with getting him put in jail I did file an order of protection last summer but I didn’t go through with it because I thought that would be enough to get him to change I do get emotional before my time of the month I’m just so exhausted and not having a partner and doing everything alone he’s a wonderful father but lately his temper has is getting the best of him and if I find him snapping at the kids more and more his anger is out of control I’m wondering if I should get another order of protection this time but the only thing that’s down to me as my kids they cry and they ask for daddy all the time especially my son and I can’t keep putting him through this cycle with him coming and going he regains their trust and he gets better for a little bit only to break our hearts again I just don’t know if I can put my kids through the trauma maybe if I just shut my mouth and ignore it but now it’s the point where I can’t ignore it because he snaps and is constantly mean and nasty calls me horrible names in front of them my son tells me to go upstairs when daddy is home and he’s 3 I’m a horrible mother I just wish I could get him to see his ways He calls the order of protection fake And I was like I’m just the problem I didn’t follow through with it last summer I just don’t know what to do anymoreAnd I was like I’m just the problem I didn’t follow through with it last summer I just don’t know what to do anymore

Surrendered19

Hi Camabelle. I'm sorry for what brings you to SR. That sounds like a bad situation.

I must say that in your post, I see little evidence that your husband is currently a wonderful father. Far from it.

My advice is to get yourself and your kids away from him and don't let him back into your life until he is sober for a long stretch of time. He sounds like he is an alcoholic and he is digressing. Alcohol use disorder gets worse and worse and the only cure is to stop drinking for good.

I might also head over to the Friends & Family forum here on SR. Unfortunately for each one of us nag-headed addicts, there are multiple friends and family members who we've dragged into our chaos.

Take care of yourself and your kids Camabelle. It is your obligation to protect them from what is happening to them right now.

advbike

Hi Camabelle, I'm glad you came here to seek help for your situation. Please check out this section, it is focused on those who have family members who are alcoholic, like in your case. This behavior on his part is very damaging to children. If you read in Friends and Family you will see that your story is very common, and it generally gets worse before the alcoholic seeks help. Recovery is a long term process.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Hevyn

Welcome, Camabelle. I'm glad you found us. I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this, especially since children are involved. As the others mentioned, you can check out the Friends & Family Forum - many have been in the same situation.
It's important that you not feel alone - I hope you'll keep reading & posting here.

Anna

Welcome Camabelle,

I'm sure you know that your daughter and son are learning from what they see. They see their dad treat their mother with disrespect. I hope that you decide to take care of your children and yourself.

Camabelle2

Thank you all Is there a way that I can copy and paste Yes to the suggested thread so I don’t have to rewrite it all

Camabelle2

May I ask if any of you in the offender in a situation like this ever turned out OK too or maybe there’s a miracle and a couple can end up staying together I know that sounds really pathetic but I just saw it becoming a single mother did to my mom and we lived in poverty

least

Welcome to the family Camabelle! You deserve better than the life you've got with this guy. He's an alcoholic and can't be a good dad/partner while he's drinking. That's the cold hard truth.

I was in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic once. I took it for a couple years but finally threw him out and rebuilt my life. I hope you can do the same. Your kids are learning that this is normal behavior and that's not good. Please get them and yourself to a place of safety.

Scott2295

Welcome Camabelle2 - I'm very sorry for the situation you are in. You will find support here. SR is a wonderful community.

You should be able to click on the link to get to the page. If not and you're on a PC, copy it with the Control key and C key pressed at the same time and paste it in a new browser window with Control V. On a Mac its Command C and V. On a phone you can usually click on the link and then drag the selection area and click the copy option and then the paste option in a new browser window. Hope that helps.

2muchpain

d
Doesn't sound pathetic at all. Your just trying to find a way to make your relationship work. But you need to understand that he is not going to change his behavior as long as you continue to accept it. The best thing you can do imho is to take a stand and follow through with your protection order. He needs to know you are serious and will not tolerate his drinking and behaviors anymore. You and your kids deserve better. You are actually showing him you care by setting limits on what you will accept. You never mentioned any outside support. Doing all this on your own is pretty much impossible. You might want to consider alanon. That way, you can be around people that are going through the same thing and can offer advise and support that you deserve. Your children may keep asking for their dad, but they are way too young to understand the damage that relationship is doing to them. The good news is that they are young enough to rebound from what they are going through and still grow up to become healthy individuals and have their own healthy relationships. Ask yourself this; do you want to spend your later years trying to help your kids cope with their own dysfunctional relationships or be around to see them grow up and be happy. Good luck. John

D122y

Active addicts are basically insane. They don't see the world through a normal viewpoint. The addiction is infested into every cell of their being.

Getting clean hurts like hell. Physically and mentally.

Until your hubby is ready to stop for himself and his family you are doomed to live a life in his hell.

Your kids will be mentally traumatized at the least. The worst can include brutality to include death.

I would run away as fast and fair as I needed to. I would involve the police asap.

You are not in a safe place and you may not live through this if you don't get away.

Finding a place to sleep is the least of you problems.

Since he is abusive, the ball is in your court legally.

You and your children don't deserve this. Especially the kids.

This will not get better until he can quit, because he wants to, for good.

Thanks.