Jillian2563

Hey y’all.

So a couple things are weighing on me heavily right now.

Number 1 is that I somehow have a way of pissing people off without intent or actually doing anything (that I know of). One example is my step son; I sent him a picture and he called me yelling saying he can’t have pictures (due to probation) and has blocked me and his father since. I told him I was sorry and didn’t know he couldn’t have pictures but he hung up on me and that was the end of that. Another example is that I recently had flyers mailed out to surrounding neighbors (1000+ homes) and one messaged me (not only a neighbor but actual customer!!) to say to stay out of their mail box and then today I see they posted how great my competitor was. I’m like ok, what the heck??

I’ve been dwelling on situations like this, mainly my stepson, for days and don’t know how to let it go. I was finally able to get to a meeting today which was awesome and do feel a little better.

On top of that, last night I had the worst nightmares. So bad I’d say they were spiritual warfare dreams. 3 separate dreams actually - my son is sick and I kept waking up due to him but also because of dreams. They were so scary.

I feel like I’m losing control. I started reading “Codependent No More” last night. I’ve prayed. My next appt with counselor is 12/14. I’m just not sure what else to do.

Colds and sickness have been in my house since last week as well.

Thanks for listening

doggonecarl

People, especially addicts and alcoholics, struggle with the need to be in control.

Control is an illusion.

Anna

Yeah, what Carl said. I was a control-freak which led me into addiction, so I really had to learn to let go. You didn't intentionally cause a problem for your stepson and you didn't mean to offend your neighbor/customer. You can't control how react.

Dee74

Anna’s right. We can’t control how people react. It’s best to let it go.
Get some exercise, meditate, scream into your pillow…whatever it takes.

Not letting go led me right back to drinking a bunch of times.
I got a lot better in recovery and a whole lot of other things when I resigned as General Manager of the Universe

D

KAD65

Echoing what others have said, it doesn't sound like you did or said anything to elicit the kinds of responses you got. "Some are sicker than others," as it goes in the BB. You have no control over anyone but yourself. I've been where you are - feeling like I couldn't do anything right and there was something wrong with me. To risk sounding cliche, be on your own side. Focus on your recovery and doing the next right thing.

As for the nightmares, don't get me started! When things are troubling you - and it sounds like you've got your share of bothersome things going on right now - it causes stress and that can cause some crazy dreams. I've had some doozies that left me questioning my sanity. I could make a movie.

Jillian2563

Haha. I’m starting to learn that. Hoping the new book helps, so far it’s along the same lines as everyone else’s advice here.

Jillian2563

.

I love that saying and need I remind myself of this everyday. Because when I don’t, I don’t do the right next thing usually.

And glad to know I’m not the only one regarding the dreams. I woke up thinking I was going insane. I’ve had nightmares before but far and few between and definitely not 3 back to back to back.

Jupiter11

I'm sorry but I totally don't believe in this co dependence stuff.We all care what the people we care about think of us. And we all kick ourselves when we get it wrong!
It's human nature (unless you are some sort of sociopath/psychopath) to care what others think. Though in the world today it's encouraged you don't! Unless it's about a bigger agenda.
Having said that, rely on your own instincts if people are being unfair or not

Dee74

I didn’t ‘believe’ in it either but I read CoDependent No More and it was like the book was written for me,

when you’re caring for or about others so much that you can’t sleep for worry, or anger or fear… or you’re putting in 19 hour days to do the work for someone else because ‘it’s just easier if you do it’ and the only way to depressurise is to drink, you have a problem….and I had a problem,
D

Dee74

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Dee
Administrator
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VikingGF

One of the most unexpected perks of getting older, I have found, is not trying to control everything. It's astonishing how much time I wasted re-thinking, doubting myself, hemming and hawing over how I thought people would react to what I said/did. Now I find that their over-the-top reactions are them trying to control ME or something in their world.

D122y

Perception is reality.

Something that has helped me fined happiness now that I choose not to drink ever again is looking at things from the other's perspective.

For example: My boss has his favorite people at work. They are not any better than me or anyone, in fact, in my opinion some of these favorites are somewhat incompetent and arguably dangerous in some situations.

I used to hate my boss for this. How could he be so selfish and blind to the obvious.

So I learned somewhere, maybe here, to just come up with the situation from my bosses perspective and except it. Even if I am wrong, I have closure.

My boss doesn't like me as much as some other people. But, he sort of likes me. He likes me better than some other folks at least. At least I am still on the team. I have decided other things that my boss feels, but I just offered this short example to get my point across.

Plus, messing up is the only way to succeed. Fail my way to the top. MIchael Jordan said that I think.

Hope this adds happiness to your day. Offering this helps me.

Love always.

Thanks.

Jillian2563

I decided to let things go and I slept much better last night despite my little one still being sick. I kept him home today and having a hard time finding motivation to do anything. I think it’s time I start getting out and working with my husband (he does the physical labor part of our biz). There’s a million things I could be doing at home but I guess after 5 years being a stay at home mom and business administrator, I’m starting to get bored.

KAD65

Sounds like a good idea. We know what happens when we get bored, especially in early sobriety!