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At my wits end!

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Old 11-06-2021, 03:45 PM
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Contella09 and the other user (sorry i dont think i can quote any more) you guys sound like the people id like around me, unfortunately since about 20 i never really socialise and the people who do know me “from school” are bad guys who really are nasty to people.

Problem is its so embarrassing going to maybe groups for like minded people as when i was at school “i was a cool kid” before i got with the wrong friends who eventually got me into drugs when i really wasn't the person who should have done this as my mind from birth was pretty much a confused guy.
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Old 11-06-2021, 03:49 PM
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Only guy i do have is my dog who iv had for 11 years and is getting very old, when he passes i will probably go with him, dont think i could ever handle the loss, it doesent take me much to get depressed, a split in a gf relationship puts my mind at jumping off a cliff thats why i stay clear of gf relationship
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Old 11-06-2021, 04:00 PM
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I thought that way too for a long time.
I hope some extended sober time will help your mental health turn around too newfella.

D
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Old 11-06-2021, 04:45 PM
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Hi Newfella, as Dee says, sober time does something mysterious to our levels of positivity. I used to think badly of everything and everyone, and whilst I’ll ever be a jovial life and soul of the party, I now think better of people and situations, and I’m surprised to get positives in return. You’ll get there soon.
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Old 11-07-2021, 12:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Contella09 View Post
Hi Jupiter, I am so sorry If I upset you. I am just worried that newfella is giving up. There is hope and help out there and the bad days don't last forever. They can change for the better at any moment.

I am so sorry to hear about your niece and losing her mum. I don't know if you have heard of three dad's walking? They have a charity called papyrus. There is a papyrus helpline. They may be of some assistance and can point to the right services and more intensive care to help prevent another tradgedy. She must be in so much pain and not know how to actually deal with it so self harming might be a compulsion to just release some of that pain. I was given a book called 'chicken soup for the teenage soul' when I was younger. I don't know if those books are still out there but might be helpful to her so she can know she isn't alone with those feelings. She just needs to find ways to help manage those feelings and thoughts.
Stay strong Jupiter x
No contella, it didn't upset me, it showed me other people have felt like she does and came through it. I have read other posts of yours and you come across as a very compassionate, caring person.
I will look up that book and papyrus. I don't understand cutting and wanting to die at all. I wish she had someone to talk to that had been through what she has. Although there's a lie right there, the only time I have wanted to die has been when I have been in the throughs of a drunk I couldn't see a way of getting off.

Newfella, once you have drink out of the picture, any underlying depression can be treated. And I bet that depression won't be a fraction of what it is when you are stuck in the drink loop.
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Old 11-07-2021, 01:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Newfella View Post
Only guy i do have is my dog who iv had for 11 years and is getting very old, when he passes i will probably go with him, dont think i could ever handle the loss, it doesent take me much to get depressed, a split in a gf relationship puts my mind at jumping off a cliff thats why i stay clear of gf relationship
I understand completely where you are coming from. I can be feeling fine for a while and then boom, the depression hits. Sometimes I can't explain why, but the feelings of sadness are very strong. What I have learnt over the years though is that it always passes! So I just keep going. My life always changes and evolves. The amount of times I have thought to myself...in this moment I am really happy to be alive! Drinking exasperates these feelings of sadness and that's why I come on SR. It is helping me to get many sober days and in turn a lot less feelings of sadness and hoplesness. Sometimes we get stuck in the past and can't see we have a bright new future. Alcohol explained' does explain how alcohol effects our emotions and it does keep us stuck and ruminating in the past. Maybe we should let go of that past.

I can tell already that you have a kind soul and that is a wonderful thing to offer to the world. Sometimes we just find it hard to see our purpose on this planet. It's lovely you have such a great bond with your dog. I understand that completely too. I used to cry knowing my dog did not have that much longer. They don't live as long as we do but for a dog, 11 years is a grand old age! My dog lived until he was 14! Losing him was like losing a piece of my heart. I said I would never get another pet because it hurts too much when they pass but I have now had 2 cats for 2 years and they bring us so much joy. There is always room in your heart to love another and you will never forget your dog. The memories of your dog will make you smile because they can be abaolute characters. Mine used to drag me around and people would shout, "who's walking who?" He once dragged my sister into a fence head first lol
Let's just commit to sobriety and really give ourselves that chance of a good life. Let's put in some real time and effort and really reap those rewards. Live your prime years alcohol free and not torture yourself on past mistakes. The world is our oyster and we just have to change or mindset one day at a time. People change and we can too, for the better. Always remember you are loved too but might not always think it. I am always here for a chat and there is nothing that I am too ashamed to talk about because I want to make peace with my past too.

Stay strong and keep going!
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Old 11-07-2021, 01:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Jupiter11 View Post
No contella, it didn't upset me, it showed me other people have felt like she does and came through it. I have read other posts of yours and you come across as a very compassionate, caring person.
I will look up that book and papyrus. I don't understand cutting and wanting to die at all. I wish she had someone to talk to that had been through what she has. Although there's a lie right there, the only time I have wanted to die has been when I have been in the throughs of a drunk I couldn't see a way of getting off.

Newfella, once you have drink out of the picture, any underlying depression can be treated. And I bet that depression won't be a fraction of what it is when you are stuck in the drink loop.
I looked up those books and they are still going strong. There are so many of them. They really touch base on so many different areas of life. I am going to get my daughter a preteen one for Xmas. I used to journal my thoughts and feelings when I got out of the hospital. Maybe a diary for her with a lock and key could make her feel secure about writing down those thoughts and feelings? It was things I couldn't talk about to anyone. It must have helped because I still remember doing it over 20 years ago.

I loved reading too. I would stay awake reading until I'd fall asleep with my book in my face. At her age I must have read all of R L Stine books. I would check them out at the school library. Reading just takes you away for a while. I did the same in my 20's. I think I read all of patrica Cornwell books. I stopped reading and can't seem to concentrate at the moment but I want to get back into it for that escape and get my imagination going again. ATM I have got stuck into jigsaw puzzles as it has the same effect.

Try not to worry too much. I know it must be hard though but something along the way will help her and she will get stronger

I will be more than happy to help in anyway I can even if you want to private message.
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Old 11-07-2021, 05:13 PM
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Cheers contella09 you sound like a decent guy and so sorry to hear about your dog passing, mine is a “over friendly” staffy so think they can live 12-15 according to google so hope i have a couple years left, hes so lively but you can see his face is getting all grey, really wish i knew why i take sadness so bad, im a 33yrd old bloke and i could cry for anything that hits my emotion.

as the person said above about depression, iv been on meds for this for 10 years and about 5 years ago i had all the treatments for about 3 years, cbt, cmht, meds, groups. You name it.
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Old 11-07-2021, 10:14 PM
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Another dog lover here. It is just me and them. I usually have two so that I am never left on my own, they are everything to me. My oldest passed in March 2020 at the grand old age of 19. I miss her dearly. That left me with just one Jack Russell but 7 months later as I began to heal I got another.

I usually walk them for hours, it helps in so many ways. The last year or so I have had to restrict the walks because I have bursitis and one of the dogs has a ligament problem. It is having a detrimental affect on my mental health. Getting out in nature is so beneficial.
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Old 11-08-2021, 04:12 PM
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Hi kaily, wow 19 years old! I dident know that was even possible, such great pets but dont know how i will cope when the day comes, iv said i wont get another because for one i had him a long time when i was off sick with depression and could look after him and 2 i just have so many memories with him even looking at other dogs would make me sad. He is one in a million and was there at my darkest days about 7 years ago when i was suicidal, i only stayed here as in my eyes he fully deserved a loving owner after he was found roaming the streets at just 8 months old.

still not drinking guys, im going through all sorts of emotions on other things but its been about 6 days now i think
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Old 11-08-2021, 09:50 PM
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Well done on your 6 days Newfella. You have come along way even in that short time. Week one in the bag!

If your defensive's go down and you feel tempted to drink - remember sitting in A&E for 7 hours and receiving no help or support. Soul destroying.

Feel proud of what you have achieved and keep moving forwards.

Hugs to you and your lovely dog.
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Old 11-10-2021, 04:46 AM
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Well done on those sober days! I know it isn't easy. I am really please for you. I am now on day 8. Started a new course and I am really enjoying it. It is a far cry from how I was feeling a week ago. Couldn't have done it still drinking.

Keep going and stay strong! 😊
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Old 11-11-2021, 05:18 PM
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well done contella on 8 days! I think im on day 11, my sleep has slowly improved as iv been working out and think the alcohol is slowly flushing out my system.

how did you manage to stop then? And what course are you doing?
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Old 11-21-2021, 11:11 AM
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Hi Newfella, I hope you are well? I hope you have managed to stay sober. I am sorry for the late reply as I haven't been back on the forum until now because I started drinking again. I did manage to stay off the alcohol by keeping busy, coming on this forum regularly and looking forward to The health and social care course.
I am going to try again as of today. I am dissapointed in myself but I am not surprised. I need to find another way to deal with the emotional pain I go through. It's one of the main reasons I drink. A break up triggered my drinking again. I just have this constant knot in the pit of my stomach and drinking has only made it worse. It didn't help me out of the pain and it didn't numb it iether. My biggest problem right now is that I feel so sad, hopeless and alone.
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