Hawx

How do yo push through when you can see the darkness rolling in?

I'm always one of those really over optimistic people, you know the ones in films in the middle of an apocalypse that look at their family and over them soup saying "at least we are all together". Yep I'm that oddball that finds hope in the hopeless but I can see I'm teetering right on the edge. To the point I want to it all up because I've never been selfish in my whole entire life. The last 15 years I've sat home falling apart but holding myself and everyone else together.

3 months ago I said I couldn't do it and left, 48hours later I was guilted back in to coming back and obviously the stress set my Addisons Disease off, my pain went through the roof, my pill intake to just numb everything rocketed, my heart started giving up so I made the choice to come here to learn how to give up the pills and work on being a better person. Early yesterday was like usual, me and the hubby joking with each other. I've started really really really gradually reducing and yesterday I felt ill. I couldn't remember things, my eyes felt funny, my tummy was in knots, my heart was racing and I was tired but couldn't sleep.

I said to hubby, I don't feel so good is it OK if we get a takeaway for dinner, yep sure, anyway the kids (teens) asked when we were getting dinner because they were hungry. I rang up ordered and got the car keys to go pick it up.

Hubby can flying out the door still attached to all him gaming devices. I told you I'd get dinner but you won't listen, Get in the house and stop being a p***k. I was genuinely being nice going to get the food so he didn't have to turn the pc off and because the kids were hungry. He didn't speak to me all night. Not a word, text me this morning saying he needs to get his thoughts together because it's been a tough few months? I'm so lost, I've no idea what's going on or how I'm coming across but it's just pushing me further into that pit of numb the pain in your mind with the pills

Any suggestions appreciated

ScottFromWI

I can't really offer any advice regarding your domestic situation other than that your husband reaction sounds abusive based on what you've provided here. I would imagine that there are domestic abuse resources available to you although since I live in the US I can't share any specifics. Please do reach out for help in that respect if you need it.

And regarding the pills, of course taking anything now will only make the situation worse for you and those around you, so please do whatever you can to avoid that.

Anna

Please do whatever it takes to stay sober. That will be the best way to get through this tough time. Also, I removed asterisked words from your post, and ask that you please be careful with your language as this is a family-friendly site.

I have listed information we have on Domestic Abuse in the UK. I hope you take a moment to read:

Domestic Abuse Defined

http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

UK:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Hawx

I'm sorry, I did blank them out myself with *'s but it kinda didn't make sense without the context so went for the *'s as I'd seen them around in other posts and figured if they were blanked out it was OK. Again so sorry. I didn't realise 😕😢

Hawx

Thank you for the info. I've spoken to a refuge service here before I left a few months ago but then he went to my parents and other family saying that I wad psychotic and not to help me so I kinda felt that maybe it was all in my head and he was actually right.

Im trying my best with the pills, it's so tempting to numb it all

ScottFromWI

That is a very common tactic of an abuser to attempt to discredit their victim, or somehow make it seem like it's the victim's fault. I'd recommend speaking to someone that can help again if you feel it is warranted. The services you mention are well aware of the tendencies of abusers and will listen to you.

Its a lot like addiction ( abuse ) in several ways unfortunately. As addicts we ( in general ) try to blame others for our problems so we can continue using/drinking.

Have you considered a local support group for your addiction too? SR is a great place for help in that department, and there is even a substance abuse subforum, but you are always welcome in newcomers.

Bottom line - do whatever you feel is necessary to keep yourself and your children safe now.

Delilah1

I’m going to echo exactly what Scott said, that is very common for an abuser. He is trying to isolate you from family, and it also seems like he may be the cause of you no longer feeling optimistic toward life.

Do you have any close friends or family you can talk to? Is it possible to take the kids and stay somewhere else for a bit?

Getting and staying sober is definitely going to help as well, but you may want to look into some supports to help you with this.

❤️Delilah

Steely

Are you working with your doctor to reduce the pills? I guess, analgesics? Opioid?

I had a problem with benzos (prescribed) the withdrawal brutal. Thirty two months free now.

How are you reducing, if that's what you want to do?

Welcome 🌺

Ladysadie

As you seek help and learn tools in dealing with your situation, one crucial piece of advice is having a support system for you to process what's going on. Please do not isolate yourself. There is a very good movie out called "Maid". It's well done and worth streaming if you can. Another series I just finished is "Big Little Lies" (It's two seasons but riveting). both movies deal with various elements of Domestic issues and abuse. Explore Codependency resources and groups. Very very helpful. Prayers for you ~ you can learn new tools in coping. Remember too that your children need to see their mother living her life healthy, which includes mentally. You CAN DO THIS!