Jillian2563

So the past two weeks my recovery has kind of taken a backseat and I’m starting to really feel it. I’m almost at 60 days and my birthday is coming up at the end of this month. The last time I made it to almost 90 days it was also my birthday month and there was a big party that I attended that I decided to drink. Last night I was invited to ladies night at a friends house and declined the invite. This morning on the group thread text message I was filled in on all the fun they had (not directed at me, just they were talking in the group text about how much fun they had last night and how bad they were feeling this morning). I’m glad I didn’t go because I know I wouldn’t have drank and I probably would’ve felt awkward being the only one not drinking. But at the same time I’m feeling a little bit of FOMO. My husband and I tried to go out to dinner last night but by the time we got to the restaurant our little one had fallen sleep and instead of dealing with all that I decided to go home and go to bed without eating. My husband was also in a Bad mood discussing all the debt we are in and how we need to get out of it so I felt that was the best thing for me to do.



I just asked my husband if he wanted to go to dinner with some of our older friends tonight (who don’t drink) and he said yes and made a comment that he only going to have one drink tonight. I’m not sure why he keeps making these comments, I guess he thinks I’ll get mad if he drinks too much. But as we know you can’t just have one drink. But now I keep thinking maybe I can have just one drink. I know how that turns out and never ever want to be back in the mental state I was almost 2 months ago. I hate these feelings and Wish they’d go away and I could just live a normal happy life without alcohol.



I’ve only made one meeting this past week, and one meeting last week, and haven’t really checked in here lately. My intention was to go to a meeting today but I’ve been up running around since I woke up. So I plan now is to go home unload these groceries and sit down and read the big book and do some reflection. Sorry for any mistakes made in this post I am doing talk to text…..

Anna

Hi Jillian,

Good for you for being proactive with your recovery and trying to find ways to avoid relapse.

I think a solution for FOMO could be to add new activities to your life that don't involve alcohol. Since you have a small child maybe you could plan some family outings such as hiking, visiting local museums, going out for coffee or anything that you might enjoy.

Jillian2563

We plan on going to the Apple festival tomorrow so I’m happy about that and spending time with my family.

This week has just been hard I guess. These new friends I’ve made are all the same age as me and with little children too (if I didn’t have a 4 year old, and just my 17 and 22 year old I doubt we’d really hang out) and I feel like these are the “normal” friends I've needed. I like to do things with them during the day but I feel like I’m always declining the invites to the evening events. I just wished I hadn’t wasted my younger years on drinking and getting addicted and maybe I would be “normal” like they are. That’s a what if rabbit hole I can’t go down though. As I posted this, I got another text about planning a beach trip next September for fall break (this was the same group that went camping and we backed out). I’ve always wanted to do a multiple family trip to the beach or out west but I’m not really feeling it now, Which is bugging me. How can I want something but at the same time not want to do it? I guess the same applies with drinking really. But going back to the trip, I’m afraid something will happen (like husband showing his ass or something) and then we won’t be friends. Or that if I keep declining, they will not want to hang out anymore. I’m just having a hard time navigating this. I recently made of my friends mad - first time she’s been mad at me that I know of - she pressured me into signing up for a fit boot camp and instead of declining (I didn’t want to do it) I went along. Well some things came up, someone rear ended my son, and I really couldn’t make it. She replied how she changed her whole schedule and yada yada and hasn’t talked to me since.

I try focusing on my family and doing family stuff but sometimes I feel it would be nice to do some things with other families too. Sorry I’m rambling, just having a hard time!

Jillian2563

Maybe committing is hard for me?

Jillian2563

Hubby is drinking as always and saw his coworker with a beer and it’s making me want to drink ugh.

KAD65

I know those feelings all too well. They often resulted in yet another relapse, until I finally accepted that I simply can't drink like "normal" people anymore. Can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, so to speak. I used up all my chances. If I'm thinking about it and frustrated that I can't do it anymore, that in and of itself is even more evidence that I can't. You're here because your drinking was causing too many problems in your life, right? What is it exactly you fear you are missing out on? More of the same? You already seem to know that's all you will get if you drink again.

In recovery, it is stressed that we often have to change "people, places, and things" that are associated with our drinking past. Only you can decide whether or not that is something you're willing to do.

anxiousrock

I love this post. You're bring pro active and that is great. You can do this.

Jillian2563

Tats the thing, these are relatively new people in my life. Not really associated so much with my drinking past. But I’d drink anywhere with anyone honestly.

Jillian2563

And the fomo is fear of missing out in the fun they were having playing the game (bunco), not the drinking

KAD65

But didn't you say you felt like it would be awkward if you weren't also drinking while playing the game? Are you anticipating that it would be awkward for you, or for the others? Maybe you wouldn't be the only one not drinking.

Dee74

Early recovery is rough and tough choices are part of everyone's journey for a while.

I had to put clear distance between who I had been and who I wanted to be - that meant not accepting a few invites for a while.
It was just easier for me that way.

Now I can go anywhere with anyone and know I won't drink...but it took time and effort for me to work up to that.

60 days is often a crossroads - do I continue to move ahead or make a big wobbly circle back to the starting point.

If you do accept invites go as a proud non drinker.

If they think less of you for that, then they;re not your crowd after all.

D

ps If you feel you've been slacking off on meeting - do some more

VikingGF

Jillian, this thread is peppered with thoughts of drinking and that is a pretty big red flag. Do go back and read and RELIVE all of your posts, especially the very early ones when you were fighting for those first few days. Read every response and remember how you felt. You have come SO far and you are coming off the danged pink cloud where everything was easy because hey, I'm sober and it's so great!!! Well, it's not easy sometimes as you see, and now it the time to make some strong choices. I'm not sure if you are afraid you will drink in large groups or if you think you can have just one (if you could do that, you wouldn't be asking if you could) so maybe give yourself more time and for gosh sakes, don't worry what people think. Your real friends will be there in the end. To me, it sounds like you still want to be at the party and you aren't sure how to make that fit your new lifestyle. As for the trip you are worrying about, it's a whole YEAR away. Maybe let that go for now?

CONGRATS on 60 days. I have been following your journey from day ONE and you are doing GREAT. Keep it up!

RecklessDrunk

Don't forget what FOMO really is.

Missing out on however you behave when drinking.

Missing out on a hangover.

Missing out on ratcheting your anxiety up, whatever it is now a drink will make it worse in the morning.

Missing out on some horrible depression.

Missing out on a complete and total let down in the morning. Probably a bit of a let down from the first sip

Think the drink through. How did we get to SR in the first place. We have an allergy to alcohol and a temporary condition of insanity that comes and goes. This insanity comes in the form of thoughts telling us it is somehow a good idea to drink a chemical that we are allergic to. These are moments of insanity, thats all they are.

Insane thought #2 may hit it too. This is lie that says cravings to drink get stronger. They can spike a little at times but are getting with weaker over the long run. These insane thoughts pass by much quicker then the consequences of taking a drink.

Its not quite a meeting but there are lots of AA speaker recordings on you tube. Listening to a speaker or two may help a little bit.

DriGuy

One of my biggest surefire triggers was being around people who were drinking. Joining in was an absolute outcome and was beyond my control. I don't know how strong that trigger is in you, or for anyone else. For me it was a sure drunk before I even got to the party, even if I told myself I would not drink. It's not like that anymore. I can be around drinkers, although I don't find them as interesting as I once did. It may be different for you. I think we all know what we can do and what we can't do, but I don't know that for sure. There may be some people who don't know their own limits. But you will find out what yours are when you test them. I opted not to test any of them, but sobriety was the primary objective in my life when I took that on.

But you also mentioned slacking off on meetings. Not everyone needs them. For me they were an aid, a big one. Did I need them? I'm not sure. How important are they to your sobriety? You also mentioned that commitment may be hard for you. Now, there is a pattern evolving that sends up a red flag. You are focusing on reasons why not (or why you can't embrace) the usual recovery dos and don't(s).

When people say recovery is hard, these are the kinds of situations that they are talking about. Not everyone's triggers are the same, but what is the same for successful recovery is that we must all pay close attention to these things and accurately evaluate their importance in reaching our goal (or keeping us from it) We also need to accurately evaluate the importance of the goal itself.

Once I was committed, I was all in and everything was on a fast track. That point in my life happened in a moment, but I fumbled with the questions you are talking about for years. I sometimes consider my drunk days as part of recovery. I was learning what didn't work. It was a hard lesson. But what I finally learned was what did work, and that took all too long to get to that point.

Jillian2563

The commitment statement was toward committing to the annual “Friendsgiving” trip my friends are planning and not about my recovery. Although in the past commitment to recovery was an issue for me. At this point though, I am committed and doing the things….just need to rev them up a little to make sure I stay on track.

I have mixed feelings about missing the event the other night….I don’t think I would’ve been tempted to drink but just fear of missing out on the actual fun they were having. But maybe that’s all an illusion too? Who knows. They stayed up late and these days I’m in bed by 9 anyway lol. And they did mention they were all feeling “rough”. I guess I’m just having a hard time navigating being newly sober and also relatively new friendships.

Jillian2563

Thank you so much!!

I’ve told my friends I cannot commit to a trip that’s a year a way right now and they understood so I’m LETTING IT GO. ☺️

Jillian2563

Picked up my 60 day chip. Feeling much better. Guess this journey will have ups and downs just like everything else.

fishkiller

Good Work!!

Ups and downs are a fact of life.
I am still finding things I used to bury with alcohol.
Still 1,000,000 times better than being drunk all the time.

Gotta go with the flow

KAD65

Congrats on 60 days! That's something you can be very proud of!

Dee74

Congrats on 60 days Jillian

D