Day 1
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Contella, this has been a good thread. Thanks for answering my previous questions, whether you intended to or not. I was where you are 25 years ago. It's been a long time, but there were the same holes in my processing back then that I see in yours. This is normal. You are involved in an undertaking that takes you into uncharted waters. So you need to learn to read the charts, and how to navigate the waters. You're going to do this mostly on your own, but you will get a lot of help here. Not all the advice will be in complete agreement, because we don't all do it the same way, so you will be sorting through the advice by how well it resonates, but there is universal agreement on a few things.
One is that you can never drink again without ending up right where you are now. This has been proven by personal experience by so many of our members. You already know this from your own experience. Never drinking again is made difficult by your AV (Alcoholic Voice). This is just a clever name for your own ********. It comes out of your subconscious with all the rationalizations you can think of, for why you deserve a drink, how well you now are, how bad your day was, and bla bla bla. Seemingly this is not an easy thing to do, given that it has led so many of us right back to the bottle, and back to square one where you must begin the journey all over again.
First you must wrestle through your cravings for about a week. This was the hardest thing for me, a week of insanity where all I could think about was drinking. This one takes willpower, but there are some tricks to help ease you through it, if only a little. Thank God, you won't need this willpower forever, otherwise I never would have survived.
When the cravings become manageable, you will start to laugh them off, and you will feel cured. But you are not. You never will be. This is where your AV will start throwing curve balls at you, seductively calling you back to alcohol. Many fail here, not realizing their work will never be done. The good news is that over the years, the work becomes so second nature you won't have to be so obsessively vigilant about it.
You are going to put everything you've got into sobriety at first, centering your whole life around not taking a drink, and here's where you need a plan to deal with an array of specific dangerous situations. What are your going to do when....? You know what your trigger points will be, so you need a specific plan for each one. Plan it ahead of time, don't wait until the crisis arrives thinking you can wing it. Know what you will do ahead of time.
Like all big projects, this is going to seem overwhelming at the start, but you will be processing just one thing at a time on your journey. I found the journey so rewarding that most of it didn't even seem like work.
You mentioned that no matter how much you pray, you cannot get past 5 days. Prayer plays a big part in sobriety for some, but remember... Sobriety is not a miracle (although it did feel that way to me at first). Sobriety is of your own making. It is never handed to you. There are documented explanations in medical science for your addiction. It's not that mysterious. If prayer helps, do it, but even for the religious who succeed, sobriety is a thing you must take personal responsibility for. For all of us, we do the work. Fortunately, it's fun when you get the hang of it.
One is that you can never drink again without ending up right where you are now. This has been proven by personal experience by so many of our members. You already know this from your own experience. Never drinking again is made difficult by your AV (Alcoholic Voice). This is just a clever name for your own ********. It comes out of your subconscious with all the rationalizations you can think of, for why you deserve a drink, how well you now are, how bad your day was, and bla bla bla. Seemingly this is not an easy thing to do, given that it has led so many of us right back to the bottle, and back to square one where you must begin the journey all over again.
First you must wrestle through your cravings for about a week. This was the hardest thing for me, a week of insanity where all I could think about was drinking. This one takes willpower, but there are some tricks to help ease you through it, if only a little. Thank God, you won't need this willpower forever, otherwise I never would have survived.
When the cravings become manageable, you will start to laugh them off, and you will feel cured. But you are not. You never will be. This is where your AV will start throwing curve balls at you, seductively calling you back to alcohol. Many fail here, not realizing their work will never be done. The good news is that over the years, the work becomes so second nature you won't have to be so obsessively vigilant about it.
You are going to put everything you've got into sobriety at first, centering your whole life around not taking a drink, and here's where you need a plan to deal with an array of specific dangerous situations. What are your going to do when....? You know what your trigger points will be, so you need a specific plan for each one. Plan it ahead of time, don't wait until the crisis arrives thinking you can wing it. Know what you will do ahead of time.
Like all big projects, this is going to seem overwhelming at the start, but you will be processing just one thing at a time on your journey. I found the journey so rewarding that most of it didn't even seem like work.
You mentioned that no matter how much you pray, you cannot get past 5 days. Prayer plays a big part in sobriety for some, but remember... Sobriety is not a miracle (although it did feel that way to me at first). Sobriety is of your own making. It is never handed to you. There are documented explanations in medical science for your addiction. It's not that mysterious. If prayer helps, do it, but even for the religious who succeed, sobriety is a thing you must take personal responsibility for. For all of us, we do the work. Fortunately, it's fun when you get the hang of it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Hello again Contella,
For me, the key comes down to a few basic things:
Knowledge about my disease, the AV, etc, which is alcoholism - I get that through research and from others.
Fellowship with other alcoholics (support and helping others) - I get that here at SR, although many use AA.
Then it is just a matter of putting that into practice, being aware of the addictive voice (AV), avoiding situations that will tempt me (people and places) for awhile, and finding alternatives.
I suggest you read Dri Guy's overview of the process (above) - it is excellent.
For me, the key comes down to a few basic things:
Knowledge about my disease, the AV, etc, which is alcoholism - I get that through research and from others.
Fellowship with other alcoholics (support and helping others) - I get that here at SR, although many use AA.
Then it is just a matter of putting that into practice, being aware of the addictive voice (AV), avoiding situations that will tempt me (people and places) for awhile, and finding alternatives.
I suggest you read Dri Guy's overview of the process (above) - it is excellent.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Originally Posted by Contella09 
I absolutely want to build a life I don't want to run away from. I need to find my way in life again and my purpose.
I have woken up at 4 am this morning again. I can't sleep lately. My first thought was about the alcohol and how to stay sober. My thought was...what am I going to do once I start to feel better, that is always when I worry about drinking. I had never realised that that was because of the end of the withdrawal period. I guess where we let our guard down after the torture of those initial few days. I have been watching interventions on youtube and peoples stories with alcohol. I wondered to myself what it is that I should do to keep myself on my tip toes about alcohol and decided maybe I should start studying what it does to the human body and mind. I need as much knowledge about it and the dangers I can't see to keep me scared. So Thank you advbike for your message and it really was needed right at that time and I am going to purchase the book. It was almost like a sign to me that yes I do need to study this. I need to learn as much as I can about this. I dont want to lose this fear I have of alcohol at the moment. I want to be reminded daily of its danger. This really is my only plan so far which is not enough so I will come up with a plan for when the urges get strong. What did you guys find really worked for you? Is their a key to success?
I have woken up at 4 am this morning again. I can't sleep lately. My first thought was about the alcohol and how to stay sober. My thought was...what am I going to do once I start to feel better, that is always when I worry about drinking. I had never realised that that was because of the end of the withdrawal period. I guess where we let our guard down after the torture of those initial few days. I have been watching interventions on youtube and peoples stories with alcohol. I wondered to myself what it is that I should do to keep myself on my tip toes about alcohol and decided maybe I should start studying what it does to the human body and mind. I need as much knowledge about it and the dangers I can't see to keep me scared. So Thank you advbike for your message and it really was needed right at that time and I am going to purchase the book. It was almost like a sign to me that yes I do need to study this. I need to learn as much as I can about this. I dont want to lose this fear I have of alcohol at the moment. I want to be reminded daily of its danger. This really is my only plan so far which is not enough so I will come up with a plan for when the urges get strong. What did you guys find really worked for you? Is their a key to success?
If you are feeling lost when thinking about a sober future, don't worry about. It's normal and why many of us never achieve abstinence. All you need to do is focus on the day you are in and TRUST that good things will come into your life as the urge to drink gradually fades.
Two things for dealing with this: 1. your mindset (your moving on that) and 2. physical cravings.
Read up on blood sugar and how abstaining affects that. For me, sugar killed the cravings so I ate tons every day in the first 6 months...whatever it took to stave off the craving. I binge watched TV a lot too. Some people find physical activity works for them too. You just need to find that little recipe that works for YOU.
I had all these goals set up when I quit...organizational stuff because my life was a mess. As it turns out, I accomplished very little in the first year outside of staying sober.
Here in year 2, I'm really moving forward on some important personal goals. Drinking is a thing of the past, I revel in my sobriety.
Some key things for me:
-moderation-trying to moderate is what kept me drinking. I had to realize that moderation was not an option and CUT that cord once and for all.
-Hope-even though I was afraid of what sobriety would be like, I had to muster up HOPE that a life without alcohol would be better (and it is....soooo much better)
-Gratitude-Always on the lookout for things to be grateful for. Always noticing the positive things that happen because I'm not drinking (i could just as easily go in the direct of self-pity because I don't get to drink....but I never allow myself to think that way...the choice is mine).
-It's work-yup....daily work to keep my mind fresh on why I'm sober. But these days it's my labour of love
Sending positive vibes your way
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 93
Day 5
Sorry I have been quiet the last couple of days. I have just kept myself really busy.
Thank you for all of your messages. I have really learned a lot from everyone and found some ways to curb these cravings and deny that AV. I had no idea what that meant until I joined this forum. Now I know what it is I can try and control that.
My neighbour said for me to get a bottle of wine yesterday as I deserved it after a long day working in the gardens and house. I didn't even want to. I had already told her I was cutting it out. She doesn't know how bad I suffered with it at times.
I have been dreaming about alcohol and it has been on my mind but that may be because I am constantly telling myself I will no longer be powerless to alcohol.
I am feeling so much better though. I eat more now, my mood has lifted and I am getting stuff done that I would usually put off. I am also sleeping better although I woke up feeling hungover this morning and didn't want to get out of bed. This is the danger zone really for me but I will not cave. I intend on painting and glossing the woodwork today and then do walls tomorrow. I am looking forward to see how much I accomplish in the next 2 weeks without alcohol. It will keep me going.
Thank you everyone. You really encourage me, give me great insight, have encouraged me and given me the strength to know that I CAN DO THIS! 😊
I hope everyone has a great day!
Sorry I have been quiet the last couple of days. I have just kept myself really busy.
Thank you for all of your messages. I have really learned a lot from everyone and found some ways to curb these cravings and deny that AV. I had no idea what that meant until I joined this forum. Now I know what it is I can try and control that.
My neighbour said for me to get a bottle of wine yesterday as I deserved it after a long day working in the gardens and house. I didn't even want to. I had already told her I was cutting it out. She doesn't know how bad I suffered with it at times.
I have been dreaming about alcohol and it has been on my mind but that may be because I am constantly telling myself I will no longer be powerless to alcohol.
I am feeling so much better though. I eat more now, my mood has lifted and I am getting stuff done that I would usually put off. I am also sleeping better although I woke up feeling hungover this morning and didn't want to get out of bed. This is the danger zone really for me but I will not cave. I intend on painting and glossing the woodwork today and then do walls tomorrow. I am looking forward to see how much I accomplish in the next 2 weeks without alcohol. It will keep me going.
Thank you everyone. You really encourage me, give me great insight, have encouraged me and given me the strength to know that I CAN DO THIS! 😊
I hope everyone has a great day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Very encouraging and thanks for the update. Day 5 is huge. You are definitely headed the right direction.
Yes, the AV was very eye opening to me when I was introduced to the concept. Powerful.
I noticed a couple of things you may want to ponder - you mentioned control of the AV and no longer being powerless to alcohol. Be careful with control - many of us with alcoholism/ substance abuse issues have control issues.
Perhaps consider the perspective of letting go vs. trying to control. It takes much less effort to let go than to control.
It is such a giant relief to just finally say 'nah, there's no room for that in my life anymore' and move on. For a long time I thought my issues with alcohol were primarily just the act of drinking itself and all the direct aftermath of that - financial, personal, health, etc.. Then I started realizing how even when I wasn't drinking or drunk alcohol was still this big issue in my life - I was either doing damage control or obsessing over whether I should drink or not. Not much else - if anything - in my life occupied and influenced such a large part of my being. Once I started seeing that I started working on shifting my perspective. What if I stopped caring about alcohol? What if I start looking around in my life for other things to do - healthy things, simple things. What if I simply accept that alcohol, like some sort of toxic abusive person, had no room in my life anymore??
Best-
-B
Yes, the AV was very eye opening to me when I was introduced to the concept. Powerful.
I noticed a couple of things you may want to ponder - you mentioned control of the AV and no longer being powerless to alcohol. Be careful with control - many of us with alcoholism/ substance abuse issues have control issues.
Perhaps consider the perspective of letting go vs. trying to control. It takes much less effort to let go than to control.
It is such a giant relief to just finally say 'nah, there's no room for that in my life anymore' and move on. For a long time I thought my issues with alcohol were primarily just the act of drinking itself and all the direct aftermath of that - financial, personal, health, etc.. Then I started realizing how even when I wasn't drinking or drunk alcohol was still this big issue in my life - I was either doing damage control or obsessing over whether I should drink or not. Not much else - if anything - in my life occupied and influenced such a large part of my being. Once I started seeing that I started working on shifting my perspective. What if I stopped caring about alcohol? What if I start looking around in my life for other things to do - healthy things, simple things. What if I simply accept that alcohol, like some sort of toxic abusive person, had no room in my life anymore??
Best-
-B
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 93
Hi Everyone, I hope everyone is well.
I don't know how to reply to people individually so I just post a comment to everyone in general. I have read over everyone's comments more than once and it has helped me tremendously and I am so grateful to everyone.
Just another update:It has been a week since my last drink. Something has really clicked in me and I am doing really well. I have been so productive it is unreal.
I have turned down alcohol 3 times so far and not once been tempted by it. My neighbour gave me a gift bag with goodies and a bottle of wine today. I felt a little panic when I saw the bottle. I poured it straight down the sink and even felt repulsed by it at the thought of drinking it. I have spent a bit of money that maybe I shouldn't have on buying stuff for decorating but it was one thing getting me down and I excused my drinking for it. All that money would have been spent on alcohol and cigs in the long run anyway. Now I have plenty to keep me busy and I am feeling so much happier in myself. I am also booked in at the college for an apprenticeship next week. I quit my job 3 weeks ago. I knew I couldn't go on the way I was so I decided to just change everything and things are really starting to look up. I had suicidal thoughts last week and today I can see a brighter future and a nice home now that I have the time and money. My mindset is changing. Hopefully I will start to form better habits in place of my bad ones. Thank you all for your support!
I don't know how to reply to people individually so I just post a comment to everyone in general. I have read over everyone's comments more than once and it has helped me tremendously and I am so grateful to everyone.
Just another update:It has been a week since my last drink. Something has really clicked in me and I am doing really well. I have been so productive it is unreal.
I have turned down alcohol 3 times so far and not once been tempted by it. My neighbour gave me a gift bag with goodies and a bottle of wine today. I felt a little panic when I saw the bottle. I poured it straight down the sink and even felt repulsed by it at the thought of drinking it. I have spent a bit of money that maybe I shouldn't have on buying stuff for decorating but it was one thing getting me down and I excused my drinking for it. All that money would have been spent on alcohol and cigs in the long run anyway. Now I have plenty to keep me busy and I am feeling so much happier in myself. I am also booked in at the college for an apprenticeship next week. I quit my job 3 weeks ago. I knew I couldn't go on the way I was so I decided to just change everything and things are really starting to look up. I had suicidal thoughts last week and today I can see a brighter future and a nice home now that I have the time and money. My mindset is changing. Hopefully I will start to form better habits in place of my bad ones. Thank you all for your support!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 31
Well done Contella! You seem to have the right mindset. My wife's son is visiting and there are bottles of booze everywhere and a cooler of beer. I haven't said anything because there's no temptation, but it'll be nice when it's gone.
I had those drinking dreams too and would always wake up relieved and sober. They too shall pass. Now I even pass on the drinks in my dreams haha! Keep on truckin', you're doing awesome! 🙂
I had those drinking dreams too and would always wake up relieved and sober. They too shall pass. Now I even pass on the drinks in my dreams haha! Keep on truckin', you're doing awesome! 🙂
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 93
I always dream about alcohol when I attempt to quit. I might do some research into that and try and understand why.
Alcohol has always been in my life from a young age. My parents were both drinkers. My mum passed away from liver failure. Not completely due to alcohol but I think there was so much damage done her liver was unable to function when she took too many pain killers. I have never had one dream about my mum where alcohol isn't part of the dream and it's heart breaking to me and can't understand why. I want a nice dream about my mum.
The av was highly present yesterday. My thoughts were focused on missing out on the good times and what if I can just have a drink when in company and just not drink at home. It's madness! I came on sober recovery last night and reminded myself of how deceiving this illness is. People's success stories and what they have learned gave me that focus on sobriety again. This forum and the members of SR are amazing.
Another day sober. No heart palpitations or suicidal thoughts. The shame is still there but I am going to practice self love and self care. I am not a bad person I was just suffering. I need to remind myself I was in a vicious downward spiral. Drinking 'cause I feel emotional pain and then adding to that emotional pain and numbing it again with alcohol. Slowly getting worse and worse. Like walking through a dark tunnel with no light at the end. I am going to nickname it 'loony juice' because that's how I behaved under the influence of it.
I watched some you tube videos of 'Alcohol explained'. The emotional affect of alcohol and how it affects our ability to regulate emotions really gave me answers to why I have behaving the way I do. Maybe without alcohol I can finally start to heal and actually have a good sober cry instead of a drunken self-pity one.
Hope everyone has a great day!
Alcohol has always been in my life from a young age. My parents were both drinkers. My mum passed away from liver failure. Not completely due to alcohol but I think there was so much damage done her liver was unable to function when she took too many pain killers. I have never had one dream about my mum where alcohol isn't part of the dream and it's heart breaking to me and can't understand why. I want a nice dream about my mum.
The av was highly present yesterday. My thoughts were focused on missing out on the good times and what if I can just have a drink when in company and just not drink at home. It's madness! I came on sober recovery last night and reminded myself of how deceiving this illness is. People's success stories and what they have learned gave me that focus on sobriety again. This forum and the members of SR are amazing.
Another day sober. No heart palpitations or suicidal thoughts. The shame is still there but I am going to practice self love and self care. I am not a bad person I was just suffering. I need to remind myself I was in a vicious downward spiral. Drinking 'cause I feel emotional pain and then adding to that emotional pain and numbing it again with alcohol. Slowly getting worse and worse. Like walking through a dark tunnel with no light at the end. I am going to nickname it 'loony juice' because that's how I behaved under the influence of it.
I watched some you tube videos of 'Alcohol explained'. The emotional affect of alcohol and how it affects our ability to regulate emotions really gave me answers to why I have behaving the way I do. Maybe without alcohol I can finally start to heal and actually have a good sober cry instead of a drunken self-pity one.
Hope everyone has a great day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 93
Dbrs814 keep reminding yourself why you are now sober. I would really struggle in that situation. You will wake up the next morning with no regret, no hangover and great memories instead of a blur. Stay strong and hope you guys have a great time. I will keep on truckin'...you too 😊
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I think you are doing fabulous! The first few weeks always seem to be rough. I suffered from guilt, shame, bad memories, low self worth, etc. Its hard going initially. Overcoming an active addiction takes so much effort and time. It is worth it.
I also suffered from intrusive thoughts at the end of my drinking. Those days were very very dark. The light was gone. It was the lowest I had ever really been and also it was the most truthful I had ever been about what alcohol was doing to my life.
There is not an option to go back there. We are not meant to live in the dark. To live in that place with anxiety and intrusive thoughts run rampant. It is truly a gift to be sober. To have gratitude. To see what life has to offer. To see what we can do with ourselves. To reach goals and milestones. Onwards and upwards. Never looking back.
You are healing and you will get better. Keep on with forward motion. I believe in you!
I also suffered from intrusive thoughts at the end of my drinking. Those days were very very dark. The light was gone. It was the lowest I had ever really been and also it was the most truthful I had ever been about what alcohol was doing to my life.
There is not an option to go back there. We are not meant to live in the dark. To live in that place with anxiety and intrusive thoughts run rampant. It is truly a gift to be sober. To have gratitude. To see what life has to offer. To see what we can do with ourselves. To reach goals and milestones. Onwards and upwards. Never looking back.
You are healing and you will get better. Keep on with forward motion. I believe in you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
You're doing so well Contella! Really happy to see your progress, and I hope others will learn from it. You are very self-aware, and strong, and have many wonderful insights.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 93
Hi Everyone,
Just another update. I am now on week 2 no alconol. I wish I could say I feel great but I don't.
On a positive note, I have managed to sort through debts that I buried my head in the sand about. Things got bad due to a series of unfortunate events. Instead of facing them I drank and blocked it all out. Sorting all that was so worrying and I really wanted to drink today. Instead I had a shower and put my PJs on early and made my evening meal. So tomorrow will be another morning I wake up knowing that I got through something I couldn't face while I was drinking without alcohol to help my nerves afterwards. I am hoping each day the weight will be lifted off my shoulders bit by bit by facing everything head on. I really got myself into a mess.
I went to the college and was going to enroll on a foundation entry course for community and social care work. I was super excited until I realized it just wasn't financially viable. So I really don't know what to do now. I am still trying to find out how to go about an apprenticeship. Maybe everything happens for a reason and something right for me will come along.
I have put a few tickets on the lotto for the must be won draw, so wish me luck guys. Lol
I hope everyone is well? I will come back on and talk more when I am feeling a little bit brighter and more upbeat x
Just another update. I am now on week 2 no alconol. I wish I could say I feel great but I don't.
On a positive note, I have managed to sort through debts that I buried my head in the sand about. Things got bad due to a series of unfortunate events. Instead of facing them I drank and blocked it all out. Sorting all that was so worrying and I really wanted to drink today. Instead I had a shower and put my PJs on early and made my evening meal. So tomorrow will be another morning I wake up knowing that I got through something I couldn't face while I was drinking without alcohol to help my nerves afterwards. I am hoping each day the weight will be lifted off my shoulders bit by bit by facing everything head on. I really got myself into a mess.
I went to the college and was going to enroll on a foundation entry course for community and social care work. I was super excited until I realized it just wasn't financially viable. So I really don't know what to do now. I am still trying to find out how to go about an apprenticeship. Maybe everything happens for a reason and something right for me will come along.
I have put a few tickets on the lotto for the must be won draw, so wish me luck guys. Lol
I hope everyone is well? I will come back on and talk more when I am feeling a little bit brighter and more upbeat x
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