dustyfox

Several firsts here. First evening out with my Husband since before COVID, first meal in a restaurant for two and a half years. First time we have used childcare in the evening for the same length of time.
First evening out since I gave up drinking.
My Husband has also quit but suddenly as we sat down at the table he decided to order an alcoholic drink. I was calm about it and quickly ordered myself a ginger kombucha. Everything was fine and I was not tempted but have realised that I need to accept that my husband may chose to drink, and has every right to, and I have to find a way not to resent him for it and more importantly not be tempted by him.

I have read a few posts here recently where people who have many months more than I of sobriety suddenly just seem to lose control and drink. I can completely see how easily that could happen. Working on a plan for that eventuality seems essential to me.. As we now have the elusive childcare it means evenings out will be more of a feature. As I move over three months sober it seems that resting on my laurels would be a huge mistake. I suppose this post is now part of my plan to keep close and keep alert to what will become a new level for me. Going out seeing lots of people drinking. I am grateful that I write this sober and will wake tomorrow happy in that fact.

Dee74

I'm glad you stayed true to yourself DF

D

Anna

DustyFox, I'm glad you got to enjoy a night out, child-free, with your husband. I think you did great in not getting upset about your husband deciding to drink and your insight on how easily and quickly we can get sucked into making the wrong decision is right on.

Hevyn

I remember the first time I went out to dinner after quitting. I was still a little resentful that I couldn't have a drink - it seemed so strange. Those feelings of 'missing out' quickly faded though. They were replaced by the wonderful feeling of freedom from the compulsion to drink. I grew to love the joy of waking up with no hangover & no regret.
Great post, Dusty.

least

Good for you!

advbike

Great job Dusty. I have enjoyed dining out for many years and one of the more difficult tasks in sobriety was learning to do without the two glasses of wine (or three) that I used to have with a nice dinner. After 6 months it wasn't a problem though. Ironically when I got complacent and tossed 3 years of sobriety away, it was with a glass of wine at dinner. So yes, wise to be vigilant in this regard.

Willow00

Well done Dusty! I totally understand. My partner is likely to have a drink when we go out, but he doesn’t get carried away with drinking like I used to. At a little over 3mo myself, I haven’t been out much lately, but I have to remain really vigilant when I do. You’re doing really well

RUL23

I've learned that the relapse starts to happen well before you actually pick up the drink.

Having a plan to prevent that has been important for me.

The Sober Therapist Podcast by Lynn Matti had a good episode on this subject. It's a free podcast.

Eshgham

Congrats on your strength and mindfulness!

alphaomega

Good job DustyFox - both for making it through that HUGE first, as well as coming back here to remain accountable to your goal.

I have had several sober stretches of time, the longest being 11 months and some change. That was 5 years ago when I decided I could have "one night" with my DH out at a fancy restaurant.

I continued to drink and drink and drink, for literally years thereafter.

Your addicted brain is dormant right now. Dont tempt fate as its out in the parking lot doing push ups waiting for you to let your guard down.

So proud of you my friend... XO AO

DriGuy

This observation is of vital importance. Watching others fail for inexplicable reasons shows us how easy it is to relax and think we can get away with a little cheat here and there. We are all at risk of easing off as soon as we start to feel better. We have to define ourselves and our plan differently from those who slip back and never get out of the nightmare. Yes, we all have many things in common, but we also have to differentiate from others in our behavior if we want to enjoy a full vibrant sober life.

My AA sponsor said he believed God let others fail so that he (my sponsor) could observe the tragedy, and put himself on the committed path. Of course, I don't believe that any god would do that to people. People do that to themselves, but we can still learn about ourselves by watching others and recognizing the traps we can set for ourselves. We commit ourselves to not choosing that path, and that means "not resting on our laurels." Resting comes later. For me it was years later, but even now I keep a vigil. It's like an automatic response just below my level of consciousness. It seems like it's always there, not so much that it distracts me from a walk in the woods or enjoying the company of others. That below the surface vigil comes naturally, but we must be careful not lose sight of the vigil before we are safe.

Your observation makes me think you will be one of the survivors. You have good insight and I think you are well on your way to making good decisions.

lessgravity

DF - excellent work. My advice is to think of your decision not to drink as a really solid workout in building your sober muscles. The longer we stay sober and make similar decisions, the easier it becomes and experiences like you had last night are great ways to give yourself the confidence, experience and power to make similar decisions in the future. I think of my first weddings, weekends away from my family, nights out with friends who are drinking etc - all of those experiences may have been difficult to start but they got easier, because my sober muscles got stronger.

It gets easier and what is most amazing, and so true, is that it gets better and better. You have chosen a better life for yourself. Congrats on that and congrats on you decisions at dinner. Thanks for sharing.

dustyfox

I have reflected again as I felt that a tiny, tiny crack appearing throughout today through which an equally tiny voice squeaked - 'if you can do a meal out with no alcohol maybe you can do a meal out with just a couple of glasses, I mean if your Husband can do it....''
....As AO said that AV is in the parking lot - and I also sense the truth in what RUL23 says that relapse happens well before you pick up the glass...I believe that to be very wise. I think if those of us in recovery do not keep on top of our commitment to sobriety and repair those cracks as they appear then we risk losing our hard won and long fought for sober lives. I want to be a survivor. I want to be heal myself and if keeping vigil is what I must do then I will do so. I thank the people on this forum for keeping so many candles burning for those of us seeking the light of sobriety.

Sober45

Nice work, Dustyfox. I hear you loud and clear. My husband usually has a beer or two most nights. I was never a beer drinker and he never has wine or liquor around me but still, something in me wants him to stop. Especially when he gets that giggly child-like buzz going, OMG, get out of my face!

It's not a good feeling but I'm working on it. One thing I've realized is my sobriety has put a healthy wedge into the co-dependencies that existed between us. I'm just really glad I have SR to set me straight, because we only have control over ourselves!

Sober45

Now this is what I call progress. This is how I'm doing it and I can confidently say I never want to go back! Keep doing what your doing!