MadeleineC

So... I'm new. Heavy drinker for nearly 10 years, but I just can't do it anymore. The damage I'm doing to my body and my wallet are too much and I need to find other ways to deal with my problems (other than drinking every night and ignoring them).

I'm not an AA sort of person (I've tried), but I have a lot of support from my non-drinker boyfriend. No one else in my life knows about it; I'm too ashamed to tell them.

Anyway. Hi.

Hevyn

Hi Madeleine! I'm so glad you're with us. I think you'll find the encouragement here very helpful as you make this big change in your life.
I felt all alone until I found SR. I'd been drinking 30 yrs. & couldn't imagine life without it. I'm proof that there is life after alcohol. It felt strange at first, but now I couldn't imagine returning to that terrible old life.
Congrats on your 42 hours.

lessgravity

Welcome! Have you read Rational Recovery? It's a nice resource of ideas and frameworks for people like us, non-AA.

One question that I was often asked in my early days here, which frustrated me, but which I came to learn was essential to be achieving permanent sobriety was/is = what's your plan?

So, I ask you, what's your plan?

Welcome again!

least

Welcome to the family! There's lots of support and useful advice to be found here. Take advantage of it to help you get sober for good.

Dee74

Welcome Madeleine

D

DriGuy

For me, problems or no problems, I just wanted to quit drinking, I was in a downward spiral, and I couldn't take it anymore. In the beginning alcohol seemed fun, but the eventual addiction is not fun and progresses into a nightmarish existence.

Like Hevyn, and maybe you, I couldn't imagine a life without alcohol, and I'd had enough experience to realize I could never learn to moderate like a normal drinker. Had I learned how, I wouldn't be in this forum now, and that's the rub. You can only break the addiction by not drinking, not just for awhile until you get better, or not at all, except during some annual event where drinking is necessary. If you are an alcoholic, you will never be able to drink in moderation ever. You will not be able to take one drink ever, without the same consequences you are experiencing right now. Just one drink is the definition of moderation, and not being able to moderate is the definition of alcoholism. You've been dealt one of life's worst hands, or it seems like that where you're at right now.

The good news is that surviving without having another drink is not what you imagine at all. Oh it's very hard breaking out of those obsessive cravings, but once I cleared that I was home free. What comes after that is learning to deal with your own stupid thoughts. Rational Recovery calls that your "Alcoholic Voice," and it is minefield. But once the cravings become manageable, you can go to work on recognizing your AV and then ignoring it, until it becomes just light background noise.

I just lost track, and forgot to really get to the good news. Sobriety can be a wonderful experience, certainly more wonderful that I imagined. Freedom, confidence, self control, and the passing of that ugly obsession with alcohol, as it fades away. You will no longer be fighting it, but free to go on about your life. And yes it takes work, but the work pays off, as you see your progress. I don't mind doing work that accomplishes something that I can actually see.

Most people don't need AA, but it has helped many. I believe every program of recovery has something to offer, AA included. My own recovery was based on a plan I made from a wide variety of sources, combined with my own common sense. I believe I could find flaws in any program that comes in a box, but study them and look for the things that make sense to you. Then put those things in your plan. Then execute the plan. But start right now being sober and putting your plan together as you go.

ThatWasTheOldMe

If you want some motivation, just YouTube drunk driver videos.
If you're like me, sometimes you change when you've had too many and there's no telling what will happen. Like deciding to go on a road trip halfway across the country with my bottle.
Just say no.

MaximusD

Welcome! Just make sure to hang around. The hours will become days, the withdrawals will lessen until they are gone. Cravings will decrease. It will get better. You didn't go into much detail but if you are feeling withdrawals they might get a bit worse in the next 24 hours but beyond that you'll probably find things begin to improve. Just don't drink no matter what!

aasharon90

Continue to grow, learn and build on the knowledge
and lessons taught to you to help achieve continuous
sobriety and recovery each day you move forward.

Hold onto your recovery support and lifelines making
positive, healthy changes in you and in life growing and
maturing into the best person you can possibly be today.

Anna

Welcome Madeleine and good job on your decision to stop drinking. I'm glad you have your boyfriend's support and know that SR is always here for you.

katlin

Hello! I am only three weeks without alcohol myself and can tell you that checking in here even if only reading years old threads is helping me tremendously. I've found that there really does seem to be something for everyone. If you're experiencing it, others are also experiencing it or have dealt with it in the past during their own recovery. For me, feeling that I am not alone is huge. Positive vibes sent your way!

DriGuy

For sure. No alcoholic wanting to recover has to be alone. True, much of our recovery we do by ourselves. It's an individual undertaking for all us, but we all understand what going through the process is like, and you won't hear things from us like, "Well, just don't drink so much, and you'll be OK." Such advice from well intended normies, makes us feel alone, because it identifies us as the only ones who can't accomplish such a simple thing that everyone else does without even trying. We are unintentionally excluded from the very group that would try to help us. We are then alone.

But hanging out with people who understand takes that crippling aloneness away. You don't have to spend all your time here or in an AA meeting. You will eventually drift back and forth between groups, but you will be doing it sober, and that should be the goal; Live in the real world functioning as an adult, as a sober adult. We all get tips and advice from people in recovery who have been in our shoes, and I guarantee, it will be better help here than we can get from our average peers who simply cannot grasp what our problem is. Not all our peers are like that; Some get it. Others won't have a clue what or why we are bothering with a problem they don't begin to understand.