New quit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
New quit
Hi everyone,
Going to be hanging around here some again. Last drink was 8/19/21. Still have this pattern of sobriety for weeks/months and then slipping up but during those slip ups saying mean things to my wife, getting depressed again and doing things that will make me lose my job. Even though I don't drink often, when I do it always seems to have severe (potential) consequences. Still trying to see how things will be with work after interacting with a customer and not remembering the interaction. That is still hanging over my head as I have not talked with the customer since and need to to hopefully fix things. Not good. Wife is/was pretty pissed as I said some very mean things. She won't hang around forever that is for sure. Last quit I almost made it to a year! Here is to a lifelong quit this time!
Max
Going to be hanging around here some again. Last drink was 8/19/21. Still have this pattern of sobriety for weeks/months and then slipping up but during those slip ups saying mean things to my wife, getting depressed again and doing things that will make me lose my job. Even though I don't drink often, when I do it always seems to have severe (potential) consequences. Still trying to see how things will be with work after interacting with a customer and not remembering the interaction. That is still hanging over my head as I have not talked with the customer since and need to to hopefully fix things. Not good. Wife is/was pretty pissed as I said some very mean things. She won't hang around forever that is for sure. Last quit I almost made it to a year! Here is to a lifelong quit this time!
Max
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 218
Hi Maximus, welcome aboard. Your post could've been written by me.I love your signature. I feel the exact same way-everything I've worked so hard to get will be gone if I keep drinking. We've got this though-this is a great forum, very wise people around.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,790
I'm the same as you. Sober most of the time. Then it's catastrophic when I do drink. Currently on day 2. Recently had a 130 day streak (my longest) so hoping I get back to that and further.
The mean things we say are the worse. People say in vino veritas but I think that's only true for like three glasses of wine. When I'm blacked out, I say mean things I don't mean and I don't understand why I say them.
We can both do this.
The mean things we say are the worse. People say in vino veritas but I think that's only true for like three glasses of wine. When I'm blacked out, I say mean things I don't mean and I don't understand why I say them.
We can both do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Hodd, not sure what if any catalyst. I think some anxiety builds up over time. Sometimes it is just an F it response though.
Dee, it needs to be this time. My son is getting old enough now where I am clearly affecting him and that is just not acceptable. I am not willing to destroy my family, and kids lives over this crap. It needs to be done. It is hard right now, son is upset a lot and I assume it is left over from this last drinking episode. He is starting to show signs of anxiety. I just keep reminding myself that as long as I don't drink it won't get worse and can only get better. Or at least it won't be because I drank.
Dee, it needs to be this time. My son is getting old enough now where I am clearly affecting him and that is just not acceptable. I am not willing to destroy my family, and kids lives over this crap. It needs to be done. It is hard right now, son is upset a lot and I assume it is left over from this last drinking episode. He is starting to show signs of anxiety. I just keep reminding myself that as long as I don't drink it won't get worse and can only get better. Or at least it won't be because I drank.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,170
Yes, it sounds like it is time. I hope you stick with it. You know enough now to be able to push that fantasy of drinking like a normal person out of the picture. We alcoholics can't do that. It's actually a common definition of alcoholism, yet we try to defy that reality, always finding ourselves in the exact same spot every time we try.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Hopefully your sobriety sticks before something horrible happens.
Every time I took a drink was a chance to take it too far and lose my world.
I don't know what it feels like to fully relapse after having all this education.
I imagine it feels really bad and I am sure that is why some relapsing drunks hurt themselves and don't remember it.
Your decision to drink is not really a feeling like you have come out of the woods but more like an ever growing mental anguish that turns into full blown feelings of insanity. Trying not drinking beyond a year and see what i am talking about. Full up crazy. That is why many never make it out.
I remember feeling like that at 2 years plus clean. The crazy feelings didn't really go away. I got used to them.
Prayers.
Thanks.
Every time I took a drink was a chance to take it too far and lose my world.
I don't know what it feels like to fully relapse after having all this education.
I imagine it feels really bad and I am sure that is why some relapsing drunks hurt themselves and don't remember it.
Your decision to drink is not really a feeling like you have come out of the woods but more like an ever growing mental anguish that turns into full blown feelings of insanity. Trying not drinking beyond a year and see what i am talking about. Full up crazy. That is why many never make it out.
I remember feeling like that at 2 years plus clean. The crazy feelings didn't really go away. I got used to them.
Prayers.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
Newcomer as well
Greetings all--
Hoping I've found a new home here. I too have a new sobriety date of 8/20/21. Been back and forth on recovery for ~15 years.
I had a home in a similar place/forum, We Quit Drinking ("WQD"), which somehow disbanded a while back. Had no idea how much I would miss it.
This time there was no specific event, detox, or pass out drinking. But in some ways it was worse. The longer I "cut down," tried to kick, the more I was just putting off the inevitable. I would barely function and hold off until late evening, but each day got harder and harder to face. Didn't have the physical withdrawals nearly as bad, but the depression was worse. And I was a prisoner in my own house.
It was a miracle, I reckon, I made it through a seemingly endless day and even slept after Day 1. Day 2 was kind of pink cloud--just on my knees grateful I wasn't strung out. But today it's kinna sinking in how insane I was living, and how scared I am to go back out.
Speaking of...over 1000 AA meetings but longest stretch was only 6 months. I'm going back, but the thing about forums like this is that time in between meetings...especially when you're a night owl like me and late night is the witching hour.
Lots more, but better keep it fairly short on this initial. Looking forward to making some buddies and trying to help any way I can.
SouthernSober
Hoping I've found a new home here. I too have a new sobriety date of 8/20/21. Been back and forth on recovery for ~15 years.
I had a home in a similar place/forum, We Quit Drinking ("WQD"), which somehow disbanded a while back. Had no idea how much I would miss it.
This time there was no specific event, detox, or pass out drinking. But in some ways it was worse. The longer I "cut down," tried to kick, the more I was just putting off the inevitable. I would barely function and hold off until late evening, but each day got harder and harder to face. Didn't have the physical withdrawals nearly as bad, but the depression was worse. And I was a prisoner in my own house.
It was a miracle, I reckon, I made it through a seemingly endless day and even slept after Day 1. Day 2 was kind of pink cloud--just on my knees grateful I wasn't strung out. But today it's kinna sinking in how insane I was living, and how scared I am to go back out.
Speaking of...over 1000 AA meetings but longest stretch was only 6 months. I'm going back, but the thing about forums like this is that time in between meetings...especially when you're a night owl like me and late night is the witching hour.
Lots more, but better keep it fairly short on this initial. Looking forward to making some buddies and trying to help any way I can.
SouthernSober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Thanks guys! Yeah, I came and checked on a few of you over my months of sobriety but never posted or at least not much. I was keeping an eye on you BABM 
Not much drinking has happened in the past year since I posted here more frequently but ANY amount is too much as we all know. Southern, I spent YEARS on WQD and had a 5 year quit during my time there 07-12. Great place.
Not much drinking has happened in the past year since I posted here more frequently but ANY amount is too much as we all know. Southern, I spent YEARS on WQD and had a 5 year quit during my time there 07-12. Great place.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 1,189
Originally Posted by MaximusD 
Hi everyone,
Going to be hanging around here some again. Last drink was 8/19/21. Still have this pattern of sobriety for weeks/months and then slipping up but during those slip ups saying mean things to my wife, getting depressed again and doing things that will make me lose my job. Even though I don't drink often, when I do it always seems to have severe (potential) consequences. Still trying to see how things will be with work after interacting with a customer and not remembering the interaction. That is still hanging over my head as I have not talked with the customer since and need to to hopefully fix things. Not good. Wife is/was pretty pissed as I said some very mean things. She won't hang around forever that is for sure. Last quit I almost made it to a year! Here is to a lifelong quit this time!
Max
Going to be hanging around here some again. Last drink was 8/19/21. Still have this pattern of sobriety for weeks/months and then slipping up but during those slip ups saying mean things to my wife, getting depressed again and doing things that will make me lose my job. Even though I don't drink often, when I do it always seems to have severe (potential) consequences. Still trying to see how things will be with work after interacting with a customer and not remembering the interaction. That is still hanging over my head as I have not talked with the customer since and need to to hopefully fix things. Not good. Wife is/was pretty pissed as I said some very mean things. She won't hang around forever that is for sure. Last quit I almost made it to a year! Here is to a lifelong quit this time!
Max
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Dust seems to be settling from that dumb decision to drink a week or so ago. It appears I will stay married, my kid has chilled out and I will keep the job. Mark this up as time number 5000 that I got lucky and squeaked by with just a scratch. I don't have many more chances left and I don't intend to find out how many remain. Need to remain active. I will probably start another journal thread.
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