Tired of trying
My life is at stake here.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2021
Posts: 4
Tired of trying
I'm actually exhausted. Things at work went super bad today and I can't go back. My husband needs me to stay in this job but I've been on the verge of " just let me rather die "... so over this struggle. If it wasn't for my kids, I'd give up on this existence right now... but I'll go to bed for now
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,585
Keke - You are needed in the world. As Dee mentioned, can you speak to your husband about being miserable at work?
I hope you'll talk to your doctor about your feelings of despair. I'm glad you're here - I hope it helps to talk things over.
I hope you'll talk to your doctor about your feelings of despair. I'm glad you're here - I hope it helps to talk things over.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,797
(((Keke))) I hope you can have a talk with your husband about how miserable your job is making you. 
Please stay with us. You are needed. There's no one else in the world just like you, you are important.
Please stay with us.
You are needed. There's no one else in the world just like you, you are important. Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Keke - I was once at a miserable job too and the best decision I ever made was to quit. I don’t know where you live but there are so many places hiring where I am in GA. Definitely talk to your husband about how you are feeling and maybe also a dr. for the depressing feelings. Glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
If you’re still drinking and feeling this way, give sobriety a chance. I was a daily drinker for many years who associated things like cooking with alcohol. I couldn’t see a life without it. Endless failed attempts at moderation because The thought of stopping made made my stomach sink, like I would never be able to enjoy life without that release. I was drinking for survival… I thought.
The thing is, it’s all a lie. Alcohol abuse messes with our baseline emotions and really screws up our view of things. It’s a neurotoxin, after all.
I haven’t had a drink in over a year and a half and I’m doing just fine. Emotionally, I returned to my pre-drinking self. It’s a self with issues but Im getting really good at coping. I experience joy.
There are many things we can do to get sober but the common thread is having a plan and building a sober toolbox.
Hope is always alive. I hope you decide to stick around and learn as much as you can on here.
The thing is, it’s all a lie. Alcohol abuse messes with our baseline emotions and really screws up our view of things. It’s a neurotoxin, after all.
I haven’t had a drink in over a year and a half and I’m doing just fine. Emotionally, I returned to my pre-drinking self. It’s a self with issues but Im getting really good at coping. I experience joy.
There are many things we can do to get sober but the common thread is having a plan and building a sober toolbox.
Hope is always alive. I hope you decide to stick around and learn as much as you can on here.
My life is at stake here.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2021
Posts: 4
Thank you everyone for your messages of encouragement. I have spoken to my husband about this countless times. He knows how miserable I am and I know he does feel for me. I just don't think he understands the level of miserable I actually am. I just wish there was a solution to this and I can find some kind of happiness again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
I had to leave a job at the beginning of the year that was making me ill and I was stressed out of my mind. It also was a major contributing factor to constantly relapsing. I know it's really hard and finding something new can be a challenge but it can be done. I did it!
Nothing is worth sacrificing your health and sanity for xx
Also, no disrespect, but your husband isn't the one who has to rock up and go through that every day x
Nothing is worth sacrificing your health and sanity for xx
Also, no disrespect, but your husband isn't the one who has to rock up and go through that every day x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by Keke83 
Thank you everyone for your messages of encouragement. I have spoken to my husband about this countless times. He knows how miserable I am and I know he does feel for me. I just don't think he understands the level of miserable I actually am. I just wish there was a solution to this and I can find some kind of happiness again.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I really had to do an internal cleanup in order for me to be centered and okay with my work.
What is the solution to your problem?
1) Find a new job while staying employed. They say it is easier to find different work while employed.
2) Take a small leave of absence to re-group and get on even ground with yourself.
3) If there are problems at work and solutions are needed, find the solutions and sit down with your employer to discuss a way forward.
You can turn this poison into medicine. Happiness is there for the taking!
What is the solution to your problem?
1) Find a new job while staying employed. They say it is easier to find different work while employed.
2) Take a small leave of absence to re-group and get on even ground with yourself.
3) If there are problems at work and solutions are needed, find the solutions and sit down with your employer to discuss a way forward.
You can turn this poison into medicine. Happiness is there for the taking!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,242
I never wanted to have a career job but did work years ago
which included lots of restlessness, irritability and discontent.
All I wanted at that time in life was to be a stay at home mom
and drink when ever I wanted and to not have leave home to
go to a job which would be a huge inconvenience to my drinking.
Thinking about that today reminds me of how selfish and sick
i really was in my addiction. It also reminds me of what not to
wish for in life because one may regret that wish down the road.
I was eventually let go of my job during my 1st pregnancy while
my husband was working full time and going to college for a degree.
Finacially we struggled in our marriage and our little family because
of my addiction and with only one income trying to make ends meet.
From '82 to '90 our little family grew to 4 people and I absolutely
loved and cared for our 2 little ones trying to control drinking until
a car accident while driving under the influence of alcohol while on
my way home from a club at 2am landing me in the hospital for
10 days and a civil trial yrs later.
That incident was in Feb 90 and come Aug 1990, i tried to end my
life with my little ones unsuccessfully trying to wake me up.
I eventually did awake by the phone ringing next to my bed and
to this day, believe it was my HP Higher Power calling me to say
He wasnt through with me yet, so get up.
Family stepped in with an intervention getting help from my
husband job placing me into the hands of those capable of
helping me with my frame of mind and ultimately my struggle
with alcohol addiction.
My selfishness and addiction placed a huge weight on my
family, yet their love, care and concern allowed me to go into
rehab and stay for 28 days with a 6 week aftercare program
attached to complete the first leg of my recovery life.
While i was in rehab, yes i was worried about my 2 little
ones and who would care for them better than I would. Well,
my little family was taken care of by family members that
kept the kids busy and on track while I was away and not
skipping a beat.
That is my Higher Power doing for me what I couldnt possibly
do for myself. For that I am truly grateful.
I have remained on my recovery journey for 31 yrs as I have
not found it necessary to pick up a drink of alcohol nor have
my misery refunded back to me.
In the beginning I was taught about my addiction and it's
affects on my own mind body and soul as well as others
around me, esp. family.
The tools and knowledge are gifts to me that I continue to
incorperate in all areas of my life to achieve success in life
and recovery. Balance is important. Support is important.
Honesty is important.
Today, I have have so much to be grateful and blessed
for just like so many who are living a recovery life themselves.
Continue to learn ways to improve your life and become
the best deserving person you are meant to be in life and
to your family for yrs to come.
which included lots of restlessness, irritability and discontent.
All I wanted at that time in life was to be a stay at home mom
and drink when ever I wanted and to not have leave home to
go to a job which would be a huge inconvenience to my drinking.
Thinking about that today reminds me of how selfish and sick
i really was in my addiction. It also reminds me of what not to
wish for in life because one may regret that wish down the road.
I was eventually let go of my job during my 1st pregnancy while
my husband was working full time and going to college for a degree.
Finacially we struggled in our marriage and our little family because
of my addiction and with only one income trying to make ends meet.
From '82 to '90 our little family grew to 4 people and I absolutely
loved and cared for our 2 little ones trying to control drinking until
a car accident while driving under the influence of alcohol while on
my way home from a club at 2am landing me in the hospital for
10 days and a civil trial yrs later.
That incident was in Feb 90 and come Aug 1990, i tried to end my
life with my little ones unsuccessfully trying to wake me up.
I eventually did awake by the phone ringing next to my bed and
to this day, believe it was my HP Higher Power calling me to say
He wasnt through with me yet, so get up.
Family stepped in with an intervention getting help from my
husband job placing me into the hands of those capable of
helping me with my frame of mind and ultimately my struggle
with alcohol addiction.
My selfishness and addiction placed a huge weight on my
family, yet their love, care and concern allowed me to go into
rehab and stay for 28 days with a 6 week aftercare program
attached to complete the first leg of my recovery life.
While i was in rehab, yes i was worried about my 2 little
ones and who would care for them better than I would. Well,
my little family was taken care of by family members that
kept the kids busy and on track while I was away and not
skipping a beat.
That is my Higher Power doing for me what I couldnt possibly
do for myself. For that I am truly grateful.
I have remained on my recovery journey for 31 yrs as I have
not found it necessary to pick up a drink of alcohol nor have
my misery refunded back to me.
In the beginning I was taught about my addiction and it's
affects on my own mind body and soul as well as others
around me, esp. family.
The tools and knowledge are gifts to me that I continue to
incorperate in all areas of my life to achieve success in life
and recovery. Balance is important. Support is important.
Honesty is important.
Today, I have have so much to be grateful and blessed
for just like so many who are living a recovery life themselves.
Continue to learn ways to improve your life and become
the best deserving person you are meant to be in life and
to your family for yrs to come.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 356
I have had jobs like that. I worked in a call center and it was so depressing I could barely get out of the car to walk in each morning. Be aware you can do many things and many jobs. If the job is causing you that much trouble, plan on leaving and work toward that. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Posts: 134
I feel compelled to respond as I was in a similar situation (except without a husband as I am male, but with a gf and then without one).
Maybe my conclusions and how it worked out for me has nothing to do with your situation but on the off chance that it might, I shall proceed.
I believe you are in the passive spectrum of anger. It's where sadness dwells. Anger turned in, turns into depression, self harm, addictions etc (I was going to write a post on that for myself one of the things I learned during a teetotal spell, but I digress).
One of the catalyst for anger is HURT. There are only two ways for HURT to get under out boundaries. Let's focus on the one that is relevant here (for me it was) : NEEDS NOT BEING MET.
If you are in a job (or relationship for that matter) where your needs are not being met, you are going to experience HURT. A pain. The day drags you don't want to be there. you can't get out of bed. If you are in the passive end of the ANGER SPECTRUM you may go into trying to find ways that seem like a REFUGE. If your decision making process chooses destructive decisions this will result in seeking refuge in nafarious substances or behaviors: drugs, alcohol, compulsions. Anything to escape.
What is the solution? Stop the destructive decisions and the alcohol drugs? This is just temporarily cutting the symptom, The HURT will remain and the vicious circle will either continue or the pain and HURT will still remain.
The solution I saw it was twofold: move the needle from passive to assertive in the anger spectrum to give me the mindset to take action. But action on what? I needed to know what my NEEDS where. For everybody these are different. Respect from boss? a better salary? working in a team? working alone? to be appreciated? Professional development ? better salary? work with the public? work away from the public? a shorter commute? less hours? more hours? more challenge? more responsibility? less responsibility?
If we don't know what are needs are how can we go about getting them met? this takes an analisis
Now I know my needs how do I go about getting them met?. The ASSERTIVE spectrum of Anger requires strategic planning and patience and deliberate action. Knowing that you are doing this, knowing that you are going ahead and taking ASSERTIVE ACTION (FATHER ENERGY) to get your needs met (MOTHER ENERGY) eases the burden as you have started to CLIMB UP THE EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM rather than FALLING DOWN THE EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM (last stop is death)
this solved one issue for me. God knows there were too many more at the same time....however, eat an elephant one bite at a time.
anger turned in is sadness. Anger controlled deliberately is assertiveness.
Maybe my conclusions and how it worked out for me has nothing to do with your situation but on the off chance that it might, I shall proceed.
I believe you are in the passive spectrum of anger. It's where sadness dwells. Anger turned in, turns into depression, self harm, addictions etc (I was going to write a post on that for myself one of the things I learned during a teetotal spell, but I digress).
One of the catalyst for anger is HURT. There are only two ways for HURT to get under out boundaries. Let's focus on the one that is relevant here (for me it was) : NEEDS NOT BEING MET.
If you are in a job (or relationship for that matter) where your needs are not being met, you are going to experience HURT. A pain. The day drags you don't want to be there. you can't get out of bed. If you are in the passive end of the ANGER SPECTRUM you may go into trying to find ways that seem like a REFUGE. If your decision making process chooses destructive decisions this will result in seeking refuge in nafarious substances or behaviors: drugs, alcohol, compulsions. Anything to escape.
What is the solution? Stop the destructive decisions and the alcohol drugs? This is just temporarily cutting the symptom, The HURT will remain and the vicious circle will either continue or the pain and HURT will still remain.
The solution I saw it was twofold: move the needle from passive to assertive in the anger spectrum to give me the mindset to take action. But action on what? I needed to know what my NEEDS where. For everybody these are different. Respect from boss? a better salary? working in a team? working alone? to be appreciated? Professional development ? better salary? work with the public? work away from the public? a shorter commute? less hours? more hours? more challenge? more responsibility? less responsibility?
If we don't know what are needs are how can we go about getting them met? this takes an analisis
Now I know my needs how do I go about getting them met?. The ASSERTIVE spectrum of Anger requires strategic planning and patience and deliberate action. Knowing that you are doing this, knowing that you are going ahead and taking ASSERTIVE ACTION (FATHER ENERGY) to get your needs met (MOTHER ENERGY) eases the burden as you have started to CLIMB UP THE EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM rather than FALLING DOWN THE EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM (last stop is death)
this solved one issue for me. God knows there were too many more at the same time....however, eat an elephant one bite at a time.
anger turned in is sadness. Anger controlled deliberately is assertiveness.
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