Bad day
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Join Date: Jul 2021
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Originally Posted by GottaBeKidding 
Brings back bad memories. I'm really new to SR and can't offer anything more than the good advice of the others that posted before me. Glad you found your way here.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Posts: 260
Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot
Hello Reroute, I also had a bad football day on Sunday. I think it was about 16 tins and a couple of G&Ts in the end. There was no family fallout (for once, and for which I am eternally grateful) as the drinking was over a 12-hour period and I'd pretty much managed to contain it, but God, I felt *awful* waking up yesterday. Over the past year or so I've been starting on the G&Ts at stupid o'clock, and I had a couple yesterday morning, but all they did was change the nature of the pain not the direction of travel. I spent the rest of the day telling myself that enough was enough, while at the same time resisting the urge for more (I think that might be what they call cognitive dissonance!) a struggle that got even more difficult as the evening approached.
But I did it. And I went to bed last night almost crying with gratitude that I had put 12 hours between me and my last drink, that I was going to bed sober and would wake up even more sober. This morning my wife had gone out and I'm so used to filling my boots when I have the house to myself that the opportunity is in itself a big trigger. My AV says, 'Hey, why waste this golden chance to get bladdered?' But I didn't. I did that thing of playing the tape forward, and I had boiled egg and soldiers instead of gin, and writing this I'm now coming up on 24 hours between myself and my last drink.
Sorry for the essay. Short version: you're not alone.
But I did it. And I went to bed last night almost crying with gratitude that I had put 12 hours between me and my last drink, that I was going to bed sober and would wake up even more sober. This morning my wife had gone out and I'm so used to filling my boots when I have the house to myself that the opportunity is in itself a big trigger. My AV says, 'Hey, why waste this golden chance to get bladdered?' But I didn't. I did that thing of playing the tape forward, and I had boiled egg and soldiers instead of gin, and writing this I'm now coming up on 24 hours between myself and my last drink.
Sorry for the essay. Short version: you're not alone.
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Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot
Hello Reroute, I also had a bad football day on Sunday. I think it was about 16 tins and a couple of G&Ts in the end. There was no family fallout (for once, and for which I am eternally grateful) as the drinking was over a 12-hour period and I'd pretty much managed to contain it, but God, I felt *awful* waking up yesterday. Over the past year or so I've been starting on the G&Ts at stupid o'clock, and I had a couple yesterday morning, but all they did was change the nature of the pain not the direction of travel. I spent the rest of the day telling myself that enough was enough, while at the same time resisting the urge for more (I think that might be what they call cognitive dissonance!) a struggle that got even more difficult as the evening approached.
But I did it. And I went to bed last night almost crying with gratitude that I had put 12 hours between me and my last drink, that I was going to bed sober and would wake up even more sober. This morning my wife had gone out and I'm so used to filling my boots when I have the house to myself that the opportunity is in itself a big trigger. My AV says, 'Hey, why waste this golden chance to get bladdered?' But I didn't. I did that thing of playing the tape forward, and I had boiled egg and soldiers instead of gin, and writing this I'm now coming up on 24 hours between myself and my last drink.
Sorry for the essay. Short version: you're not alone.
But I did it. And I went to bed last night almost crying with gratitude that I had put 12 hours between me and my last drink, that I was going to bed sober and would wake up even more sober. This morning my wife had gone out and I'm so used to filling my boots when I have the house to myself that the opportunity is in itself a big trigger. My AV says, 'Hey, why waste this golden chance to get bladdered?' But I didn't. I did that thing of playing the tape forward, and I had boiled egg and soldiers instead of gin, and writing this I'm now coming up on 24 hours between myself and my last drink.
Sorry for the essay. Short version: you're not alone.
Man, I feel your pain. You also have a huge capacity for drinking as do I. We can get ourselves into some real states eh?
BTW, The "AV" - I haven't read this acronym in _years_, and also, "playing the tape forward". Prae, were you also a WQD denizen back in the day?
Yes, my AV started up just after I had re-sheathed the hedge trimmer (not a euphemism, honest). Also, I recalled I had an old england T-shirt at the bottom of the drawer, and the AV jumped on it and was like "go to the pub, you can fit in there!". Identity issues, see.
G&Ts, whenever I've had those, I felt like actual death the next day. Crying eyes out, etc. Something dark and deadly in that stuff, and not just the alcohol.
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Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot
And the fact that I managed to resist temptation? My AV is now saying, 'You did well. Reward yourself with a drink!'' Urgh!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Originally Posted by reroute
Hey MTS! Sorry mate, this message got lost in between my replies to everyone.
Man, I feel your pain. You also have a huge capacity for drinking as do I. We can get ourselves into some real states eh?
BTW, The "AV" - I haven't read this acronym in _years_, and also, "playing the tape forward". Prae, were you also a WQD denizen back in the day?
Yes, my AV started up just after I had re-sheathed the hedge trimmer (not a euphemism, honest). Also, I recalled I had an old england T-shirt at the bottom of the drawer, and the AV jumped on it and was like "go to the pub, you can fit in there!". Identity issues, see.
G&Ts, whenever I've had those, I felt like actual death the next day. Crying eyes out, etc. Something dark and deadly in that stuff, and not just the alcohol.
Man, I feel your pain. You also have a huge capacity for drinking as do I. We can get ourselves into some real states eh?
BTW, The "AV" - I haven't read this acronym in _years_, and also, "playing the tape forward". Prae, were you also a WQD denizen back in the day?
Yes, my AV started up just after I had re-sheathed the hedge trimmer (not a euphemism, honest). Also, I recalled I had an old england T-shirt at the bottom of the drawer, and the AV jumped on it and was like "go to the pub, you can fit in there!". Identity issues, see.
G&Ts, whenever I've had those, I felt like actual death the next day. Crying eyes out, etc. Something dark and deadly in that stuff, and not just the alcohol.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 269
Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot
Yeah. Like I say, over the last year or so so -- thanks, lockdown! -- the gins have become an exciting new addition to my already overstocked drinking arsenal. Onwards!
I'm back here again with my tail in between my legs after thinking I was cured after 5 months sober until June.
I can blame the summer, good weather (occasionally), taking time off work for a break, the football, you name it.
My capacity for drinking is frightening once I get going, and I will drink nearly anything. Beer, strong IPA's, cider, gin/vodka tonics, cocktails, red wine, sometimes all of that on the same day.
Had a drink last night, but only a few and slept terribly.
My anxiety is through the roof, mainly about work stuff and the fear of being found out for unproductivity due to drinking and being so sick and depressed all the time. I don't know if its been a blessing or a curse being able to work from home or not.
Anway, here's to getting our acts together. Onwards and upwards, things can and will improve.
Cheers
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Join Date: Jul 2021
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Originally Posted by Mysteryman
I can identify with so much in this thread.
I'm back here again with my tail in between my legs after thinking I was cured after 5 months sober until June.
I can blame the summer, good weather (occasionally), taking time off work for a break, the football, you name it.
My capacity for drinking is frightening once I get going, and I will drink nearly anything. Beer, strong IPA's, cider, gin/vodka tonics, cocktails, red wine, sometimes all of that on the same day.
Had a drink last night, but only a few and slept terribly.
My anxiety is through the roof, mainly about work stuff and the fear of being found out for unproductivity due to drinking and being so sick and depressed all the time. I don't know if its been a blessing or a curse being able to work from home or not.
Anway, here's to getting our acts together. Onwards and upwards, things can and will improve.
Cheers
I'm back here again with my tail in between my legs after thinking I was cured after 5 months sober until June.
I can blame the summer, good weather (occasionally), taking time off work for a break, the football, you name it.
My capacity for drinking is frightening once I get going, and I will drink nearly anything. Beer, strong IPA's, cider, gin/vodka tonics, cocktails, red wine, sometimes all of that on the same day.
Had a drink last night, but only a few and slept terribly.
My anxiety is through the roof, mainly about work stuff and the fear of being found out for unproductivity due to drinking and being so sick and depressed all the time. I don't know if its been a blessing or a curse being able to work from home or not.
Anway, here's to getting our acts together. Onwards and upwards, things can and will improve.
Cheers
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 269
Originally Posted by reroute
Oh mate, I totally empathise with the feeling about being "found out" - am in the same boat at the moment. I think that's ironically what drove me to drink, which then becomes a desperate attempt to recover from, only to cycle back later.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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That feeling of being found out. Yup. A new experience for me is that this is the first time I've given up when it hasn't been prompted by some terrible incident. I haven't made a pledge to my wife and told my friends and family. It's actually purely because I'm scared myself at how much I'm drinking on a daily basis, how terribly, shamefully adept I've become at hiding it, the risks I'm taking as a result. There's no external pressure on me at all. It's all internal. I've been such a successful secret alcoholic for so long that I now need to reverse it in secret, too.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
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Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot
That feeling of being found out. Yup. A new experience for me is that this is the first time I've given up when it hasn't been prompted by some terrible incident. I haven't made a pledge to my wife and told my friends and family. It's actually purely because I'm scared myself at how much I'm drinking on a daily basis, how terribly, shamefully adept I've become at hiding it, the risks I'm taking as a result. There's no external pressure on me at all. It's all internal. I've been such a successful secret alcoholic for so long that I now need to reverse it in secret, too.
I'm never violent or abusive; I'd never drive whilst drunk, and I still always turn up to work. In some ways it's almost harder like this. I absolutely have to stop this secret madness.
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Join Date: Jul 2021
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Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot
That feeling of being found out. Yup. A new experience for me is that this is the first time I've given up when it hasn't been prompted by some terrible incident. I haven't made a pledge to my wife and told my friends and family. It's actually purely because I'm scared myself at how much I'm drinking on a daily basis, how terribly, shamefully adept I've become at hiding it, the risks I'm taking as a result. There's no external pressure on me at all. It's all internal. I've been such a successful secret alcoholic for so long that I now need to reverse it in secret, too.
Yesterday morning as I woke up still a bit tipsy, I felt angry. I had an image of a line in sand in my mind, and I felt like I had hit "rock bottom". The setup, the circumstances - it all mirrors June 2010, and that's when the 9 year abstinence began.
I'd like to high-five you in a year when we both reach that point.
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Originally Posted by Mysteryman
I'm exactly the same! My friends and family know I like to drink, but they only ever see the tip of the iceberg.
I'm never violent or abusive; I'd never drive whilst drunk, and I still always turn up to work. In some ways it's almost harder like this. I absolutely have to stop this secret madness.
I'm never violent or abusive; I'd never drive whilst drunk, and I still always turn up to work. In some ways it's almost harder like this. I absolutely have to stop this secret madness.
It's fascinating to see all the different way our same core issue manifests itself!
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Originally Posted by Mysteryman
I'm exactly the same! My friends and family know I like to drink, but they only ever see the tip of the iceberg.
I'm never violent or abusive; I'd never drive whilst drunk, and I still always turn up to work. In some ways it's almost harder like this. I absolutely have to stop this secret madness.
I'm never violent or abusive; I'd never drive whilst drunk, and I still always turn up to work. In some ways it's almost harder like this. I absolutely have to stop this secret madness.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 260
Originally Posted by reroute
That's a positive sign I would say! That there has been no external impetus on you. It has come from within.
Yesterday morning as I woke up still a bit tipsy, I felt angry. I had an image of a line in sand in my mind, and I felt like I had hit "rock bottom". The setup, the circumstances - it all mirrors June 2010, and that's when the 9 year abstinence began.
I'd like to high-five you in a year when we both reach that point.
Yesterday morning as I woke up still a bit tipsy, I felt angry. I had an image of a line in sand in my mind, and I felt like I had hit "rock bottom". The setup, the circumstances - it all mirrors June 2010, and that's when the 9 year abstinence began.
I'd like to high-five you in a year when we both reach that point.
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Join Date: Jul 2021
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Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot
The line-in-the-sand image is a good one. I mean, I suppose we've all had fair share of day ones (erm, every day?) It's a case of trying to hold onto the feelings of self-disgust that got you there in the first place.
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Originally Posted by reroute
Yeah this has what has made me trip in the past.. the pain fades, I used to start to question, "why can't I just have a few? Like a normal bloke? Task & Reward, etc?". But in those days I used to not get past 1 week or so. This pain now feels a bit final though. Hatebreed-listening sort of finality.
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Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot
Hatebreed. That does sound final!
Hatebreed - Facing What Consumes You
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Originally Posted by reroute
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