Hello SR - Checking In!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Hello SR - Checking In!
Hey there SR!
It's been quite sometime since i checked in and thought i would drop everyone a line. Hope everyone is well and staying sober! Wow the last few years have been a roller coaster spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally but i've been staying sober and have nearly 4 and 1/2 years. God Bless everyone here and the program of AA which has been a safe harbor for me.
I've been living in Fort Collins which is a nice little town here in CO renting a room. It works for me right now and it's relatively cheap. I was working up to about a month ago when i was laidoff. I worked really hard at this company for about 10 months and i guess they decided i wasn't a good fit. Oh well suppose i look at it as my HP giving me an opportunity to work on my recovery more. As many of you know it has been extremely difficult to connect with other AA's through Covid so i'm thankful that in person meetings are coming back. Zoom was huge but i just don't feel like it's a good substitute for me for in person meetings.
Some of you may remember that i was going through some legal challenges the last couple years as the result of an accident with my mechanic. Long story short i accidentally hit my mechanic with my truck as he was working on my brakes. I was charged with Careless Driving and over 40K in restitution. Well that was finally all resolved last November when they reduced the charge to Fictitious Plates and dropped the restitution. I have you guys, my HP and the rooms to thank for my faith and guidance through that tough period.
Overall '21 has been a good year although my ex has been popping up here and there and that has been giving me some hard ache. She initially called me this past spring to check on me because apparently there was a rumor out there that i had passed in a car accident. I received another text about 3 weeks ago asking to meet talk and make amends. We went through that process and i had planned on making my amends in person but she recently put up some boundaries saying she wanted to respect her partner her boundaries. Man i'm am really broken up about this and kind of angry. I was doing so well and she comes back into my life doesn't respect my boundaries and basically puts me back at square one with this whole thing. We broke up 17 months ago and i'm still healing. It is really hard to think about her with someone else because i'm still in love with her. I try not to go there because it doesn't serve me well. Anyway, i went to a meeting and am attempting to pick up some service work here and there to stay out of my own dangerous head. It's hard though. I think what this boils down to is acceptance that it's over and trying to curb my expectations ie thinking that maybe we could give it another try. Well i guess that's it. I know i'm rambling. Stay safe, sober and healthy everyone!
Garrison
It's been quite sometime since i checked in and thought i would drop everyone a line. Hope everyone is well and staying sober! Wow the last few years have been a roller coaster spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally but i've been staying sober and have nearly 4 and 1/2 years. God Bless everyone here and the program of AA which has been a safe harbor for me.
I've been living in Fort Collins which is a nice little town here in CO renting a room. It works for me right now and it's relatively cheap. I was working up to about a month ago when i was laidoff. I worked really hard at this company for about 10 months and i guess they decided i wasn't a good fit. Oh well suppose i look at it as my HP giving me an opportunity to work on my recovery more. As many of you know it has been extremely difficult to connect with other AA's through Covid so i'm thankful that in person meetings are coming back. Zoom was huge but i just don't feel like it's a good substitute for me for in person meetings.
Some of you may remember that i was going through some legal challenges the last couple years as the result of an accident with my mechanic. Long story short i accidentally hit my mechanic with my truck as he was working on my brakes. I was charged with Careless Driving and over 40K in restitution. Well that was finally all resolved last November when they reduced the charge to Fictitious Plates and dropped the restitution. I have you guys, my HP and the rooms to thank for my faith and guidance through that tough period.
Overall '21 has been a good year although my ex has been popping up here and there and that has been giving me some hard ache. She initially called me this past spring to check on me because apparently there was a rumor out there that i had passed in a car accident. I received another text about 3 weeks ago asking to meet talk and make amends. We went through that process and i had planned on making my amends in person but she recently put up some boundaries saying she wanted to respect her partner her boundaries. Man i'm am really broken up about this and kind of angry. I was doing so well and she comes back into my life doesn't respect my boundaries and basically puts me back at square one with this whole thing. We broke up 17 months ago and i'm still healing. It is really hard to think about her with someone else because i'm still in love with her. I try not to go there because it doesn't serve me well. Anyway, i went to a meeting and am attempting to pick up some service work here and there to stay out of my own dangerous head. It's hard though. I think what this boils down to is acceptance that it's over and trying to curb my expectations ie thinking that maybe we could give it another try. Well i guess that's it. I know i'm rambling. Stay safe, sober and healthy everyone!
Garrison
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
It's good to hear from you, Garrison, though I'm sorry to hear that you lost your job. I'm glad that your legal problems are over, as that was a big concern for you for quite awhile. I'm sorry that your ex opened up some wounds, but maybe finding out that the relationship is truly over is the best thing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
Hi Garrison,
I think you're right in thinking 'acceptance' being key......without it we remain stuck in the past, the negatives, the fantasy. We need to move forward, not entrenched in the past. Easier said than done, I know. I'm working on it myself, and always bodes me well, even when painful.
I hope you are able to 'accept' Garrison. Open the road to a future worthwhile.
Congrats on remaing sober throughout very trying times. You did it!
I think you're right in thinking 'acceptance' being key......without it we remain stuck in the past, the negatives, the fantasy. We need to move forward, not entrenched in the past. Easier said than done, I know. I'm working on it myself, and always bodes me well, even when painful.
I hope you are able to 'accept' Garrison. Open the road to a future worthwhile.
Congrats on remaing sober throughout very trying times. You did it!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
You never ramble, Garrison. I'm always glad to see you back here with an update.
I'm sorry too that - as Anna put it - your ex reopened old wounds. Very unfair & unnecessary.
I'm really glad that overall it's been a good year so far. Always hoping for the best for you.
I'm sorry too that - as Anna put it - your ex reopened old wounds. Very unfair & unnecessary.
I'm really glad that overall it's been a good year so far. Always hoping for the best for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 80
Do yourself a favor and block the ex. You don't want her back if she's doing stuff like this and has a BF. A Leopard doesn't lose its spots. Not trying to be harsh or a woman hater, bc neither are true about me.
Great job on the sobriety.
Great job on the sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Hey guys,
Thanks for all of the great advice and kind words. I know it's about acceptance and i suppose maybe she was doing that to make i knew it was over but the way she did was just plain brutal. If i were in her shoes i wouldn't have done that. Contacting me after months and months and telling me i want to talk. She is and was always good at putting me in these situations that i feel like i'm very good at navigating. I think i'm just pissed because i purposely got off Facebook so i wouldn't have to have see her with someone else because i was struggling so much. I was telling her that i would like to do an amends at some point, was trying not to make her uncomfortable and out of nowhere she says she would rather not hang out/text out of respect of her partner and her boundaries. WTF? Now i can't even do my amends in person. I wrote her a letter and washed my hands of it. The best day of my life for a long time was when i got the news that they were dropping the restitution and reducing the charges for my case. I called her to tell thanks for her support and do you know what she said? "I'm happy that it worked out but please respect my boundaries and don't contact me again" Was that really necessary? Good grief! She made me feel like a real schmuck in a moment that i should've been on top of the world. So what does she do 5 months later. Calls me on the phone. What about my boundaries? Well guys just writing this makes me realize that this woman just cares about her own needs and wants things done her way or the highway. I apologize because i know this post wasn't really about the solution. I need to rant. Hope everyone has a good day!
Thanks for all of the great advice and kind words. I know it's about acceptance and i suppose maybe she was doing that to make i knew it was over but the way she did was just plain brutal. If i were in her shoes i wouldn't have done that. Contacting me after months and months and telling me i want to talk. She is and was always good at putting me in these situations that i feel like i'm very good at navigating. I think i'm just pissed because i purposely got off Facebook so i wouldn't have to have see her with someone else because i was struggling so much. I was telling her that i would like to do an amends at some point, was trying not to make her uncomfortable and out of nowhere she says she would rather not hang out/text out of respect of her partner and her boundaries. WTF? Now i can't even do my amends in person. I wrote her a letter and washed my hands of it. The best day of my life for a long time was when i got the news that they were dropping the restitution and reducing the charges for my case. I called her to tell thanks for her support and do you know what she said? "I'm happy that it worked out but please respect my boundaries and don't contact me again" Was that really necessary? Good grief! She made me feel like a real schmuck in a moment that i should've been on top of the world. So what does she do 5 months later. Calls me on the phone. What about my boundaries? Well guys just writing this makes me realize that this woman just cares about her own needs and wants things done her way or the highway. I apologize because i know this post wasn't really about the solution. I need to rant. Hope everyone has a good day!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
That is super-hurtful stuff Garrison. My nearly 56 years walking this earth would have been so much easier if I had been better at recognizing when a relationship is over with, or better yet, never should have even started. I had so many relationships with friends and family in which I did all the work and I chased people. When I got sober and quit doing that, those relationships quickly disappeared into the past. When I think about it, it still pains me. But now all of my relationships are real and tangible and meaningful. There aren't as many people in my life, to be sure. But those that are love and respect me and I love and respect them back. Both of us work on our relationship which is how they should all be. Quality over quantity every single day.
I'm sorry you are hurting. But I think it is time to be humble and let her go man. She's lived rent-free in your head for far too long now.
I'm sorry you are hurting. But I think it is time to be humble and let her go man. She's lived rent-free in your head for far too long now.
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