Hope1234

Hi. Any advice appreciated. Went 4 months sober until 4 weeks ago, where I relapsed and drank 9 out of 21 days. I’m a week sober since last drink. My question is will my brain reset quicker or does it start my dopamine levels and anxiety back to previous 4 months?

fishkiller

Better question, why did you drink?
What are you going to do to keep from drinking again?

biminiblue

Yeah, it's not really the pressing question.

It will reset, how long it will take? Nobody knows. Every time you go back it gets just that much worse, though.

Here's a good NIH article about Kindling and the multiple stop/start cycle(s.)

Scd619x

Good question i've no idea to the answer though. I remember reading that it takes a year plus continued abstinence for the dopamine receptors to return to normal, not that helps you much in this case.

BackandScared

One week sober means you are over the worst one way or another. YOu should be able to answer your question. Actually, I would say you are the one able to answer your question. How was your withdrawal process this time?

The very few times I went without alcohol before I finally quitted for good 2 years ago, I had zero withdrawal symptoms. However, when I quit last time, I had quite a lot of symptoms (mainly anxiety, palpitations, high blood pressure); I 'relapsed' after 10 days and that was horrible. It is then that I learned about kindling and I will never go there again. The possibility of getting even worse is too scary.

In brief, how do you feel? Do you feel better or worse? What made you drink? what will stop you from relapsing?

And congratulations for stopping again so quickly

advbike

I have never experienced kindling, or excessive w/d symptoms. In my experience, having relapsed many times, the accumulated sober time helps, especially if when drinking is resumed, it is light, and does not last long.. Your brain doesn't immediately go back to the state it was in when you were drinking regularly, but it doesn't take all that long to do so.. When I have relapsed I do not drink heavily - generally 2-4 drinks a night for a few nights. You said you drank 9 days out of 21, but how much? If you got plastered each time, then you might well have set the brain chemistry back to where it was when you were regularly drinking. If it was just a few, then you might not be in bad shape.

As others mention though, you need to stick with sobriety. The FANTASTIC news is that you already have a week, so you are through the physical withdrawals. Your brain chemistry (dopamine receptors, serotonin, etc) is resetting towards normal again. Just keep it going! Make a plan, post here often, read other posts to learn more about your addiction.

Anna

As others have said, no one can predict how long it will take for your brain to heal.

Do you know what happened to push you to drink, and if so, have you been able to come up with a plan to prevent a relapse in the future?

Hope1234

Thank you for all your responses.

my reasons for drinking were

loneliness/isolation
lost my job
financial pressure
estrangement from my kids

long story short…and not sure if this is the right forum to express. I’ve been through hell with divorce 15 years ago. Of those I’ve spent 5 years in family court. Spent every penny and then some to stay in my kids life, which I did. I became a doormat for them and they took advantage of it, even going as far as turning against me in court. Even through all that I got one through college and the other half way through so far. And now I see them very infrequently, never on the holidays, and only when I go to visit them a couple times a year in SoCal. Ex has had a rich boyfriend the last ten years and he’s been pushed as the “new dad”. I am just a check book for the younger one. Was homeless for two years, 4 years ago, after being pulled into court where I just got pummeled and had a nervous breakdown. Rebounded to get back on my feet and then some, only to find myself heading back into financial straits and with no relationships. Thought the new found success would have solidified my relationship with boys only to find they viewed it as an opportunity, but it didn’t. Resentment has turned me bitter. As the kids show no appreciation for everything I’ve done as ex showers them with money and trips. They label me as emotionally unstable who plays the victim. Always put a happy face on for them but finally started calling them out.

Add on no job to keep myself busy, the anxiety is overwhelming even to open my computer. broke up with girlfriend last fall is adding to isolation.

felt great after going 4 months sober but reality hit. And that’s what made me drink…

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear about all of your troubles Hope. All of them are stressful and I understand anxiety very well too. The thing about "reality" is that it always exists, even when we are drinking. And as an alcohlic, drinking simply postpones our need to address the issues - and most often making them worse while we try to run away from them.

4 months is a long time to be sober - what were you doing differently to help you make smart choices about staying sober during that time? That's what you should be looking at- what can you do today to improve on that so you are ready when reality hits again? Because it always does.

fishkiller

Sorry to hear your troubles.

I can promise you with some sober time these things become more manageable.
We have the clarity, and time, to work through our thoughts and feelings.

If you are like me, just writing your situation down helped. Maybe just a little, maybe a lot but it always helps me to get it out.

Next time things get to be too much write us a post.
We will be here.

Dee74

Hi Hope1234

Support really helped me get through the tough times and this is a great place for support
SR was a game changer for me, and I hope it will be for you too

Welcome!

D

BeABetterMan

Lots of good responses already, but my personal experience: how long it takes varies. And with me, I often don’t reset to the exact place I started from if that makes sense. That’s why relapses are so dangerous for me. Most times I am left lower even after several months and one time I actually reset to a better place. It’s like rolling the dice and not in a good way.

Hope1234

Thx esp. Scott and fish for letting me vent. You’re right it is helpful. Helps me realize that I need to address what makes me drink…

advbike

I am really sorry to hear of your troubles. You're not the only one. Scott and Fishkiller really hit the nail on the head - drinking is often a coping mechanism that allows us to avoid facing our issues head on.

In my case it obscures the reality and numbs the pain that my severe codependency and attachment disorders have created in my life. Like my current dysfunctional long distance relationship. Or my irresponsible brother whom I also support. And the huge financial tol of it alll. So when it all becomes too painful to cognitively and emotionally accept - I drink. And it relieves the pressure instantly. But then of course the situation continues on without getting resolved.

In the long run we have to find ways to face the reality we are in, and do something about it. That is what I am working on. But I can tell you, it's really hard. It's only 5 days since I last had a few drinks, and already I am getting agitated as I look at the situation I am in. But I won't drink because I'm going to find a way out of this mess. It's going to get resolved.

Sober369

Hope, I understand your feelings about your grown children really well, since I have some of the same feelings. What I've learned is not to push them down, but to let them go. At first that seemed complicated but it's really simple. Just relax, acknowledge and accept them, and let them float away. You can cry if you want. There's a podcast by Michael Singer called, Doing the Work that describes it much better. It's on youtube and it's great, and has really helped me.
I'm so glad you're here. I'm sending you a big group hug!

Anna

Hope, you are always welcome to vent and get things out. I'm sorry for all your troubles, especially with your boys. I'm sure it's frustrating and disappointing. I hope you can find a job soon to help relieve the loneliness/isolation and the financial stress.

Hope1234

Adv…you just hit it on the head. Is expecting my boys to spend more than 3 days a year with me? Is that codependency or attachment disorder. Maybe, at least that what my youngest thinks….but he is partially right because of I’m honest with myself, that’s part of it. You and I are in the same boat..

sober369…thank you. Good advice, hard to rewire. Will give a listen to that podcast.

thanks Anna…

birddawg

I didnt read all the replies but I did read Hopes responses. Read page three of my thread "newcomer" thread about multiple detoxes/relapses. Mine have been getting worse as far as how I feel. My longest period of sobriety was six weeks and the shortest were about ten days. This has all been in 2021.

Good luck. You have no reason to drink. It's only gonna make this worse.

Patcha

This is a great place to vent and get all your thoughts and worries out Hope. Better than drinking them away! And then having them double down! We are here 24/7 any time you need to talk.

D122y

I unknowingly relapsed hundreds of times.

My last and final relapse was 8 May 2015.

I am still recovering.

It is way better now than the first couple of years.

I assume that if I relapsed again for maybe a week or so, I would not get back to this state of serenity for 10 years or never.

It seems like there is not much brain left to kill.

Many things had to rewire and I had to learn to live as a sober man.

Booze is poison. I hate the stuff.

Thanks.