Thank you for all your responses.
my reasons for drinking were
loneliness/isolation
lost my job
financial pressure
estrangement from my kids
long story short…and not sure if this is the right forum to express. I’ve been through hell with divorce 15 years ago. Of those I’ve spent 5 years in family court. Spent every penny and then some to stay in my kids life, which I did. I became a doormat for them and they took advantage of it, even going as far as turning against me in court. Even through all that I got one through college and the other half way through so far. And now I see them very infrequently, never on the holidays, and only when I go to visit them a couple times a year in SoCal. Ex has had a rich boyfriend the last ten years and he’s been pushed as the “new dad”. I am just a check book for the younger one. Was homeless for two years, 4 years ago, after being pulled into court where I just got pummeled and had a nervous breakdown. Rebounded to get back on my feet and then some, only to find myself heading back into financial straits and with no relationships. Thought the new found success would have solidified my relationship with boys only to find they viewed it as an opportunity, but it didn’t. Resentment has turned me bitter. As the kids show no appreciation for everything I’ve done as ex showers them with money and trips. They label me as emotionally unstable who plays the victim. Always put a happy face on for them but finally started calling them out.
Add on no job to keep myself busy, the anxiety is overwhelming even to open my computer. broke up with girlfriend last fall is adding to isolation.
felt great after going 4 months sober but reality hit. And that’s what made me drink…