countrystix

I've finally come to terms with the fact I can no longer drink. Like others, this has been a difficult decision a long time coming. Previous recent attempts to stop have been short successes of 20 days or less, with no long term success in years. The reason is because I've been lying to myself and still thinking I can drink when I start to feel a little better.

The final turning point was Monday. My wife and I had agreed I would once again start day 1. So of course I drank to excess Sunday. When I got up Monday I was in bad shape, only I didn't realize at first how bad the day was going to be. I tried to drink some water and threw it up a short time later. I couldn't keep any water down all day, just continuously getting this ugly yellow sick. Last night I was able to finally keep a little down and a half cup of soup. I laid in bed or on the couch all day and just tried to hope the sick feeling would go away.

I've also been sticking my head in the sand regarding some physical issues. The pain in my right side was so bad yesterday. I go for a CT scan in a couple weeks. Hopefully I haven't totally caused permanent significant damage, but If yes it's my own fault and I have to own it and just try my best not to drink again. I won't go into all the other damage drinking has caused related to finances, job, goals not achieved, family, etc. etc.

I'm feeling somewhat better today, and was able to do a few things around the house. So I have a plan to use SR MUCH more often as I've seen all the people who've had success and the selfless help given. Also I'll get my books out again and finish reading them, along with trying SMART which I was going to do but never did. Lastly will be journaling which was helpful when I stuck to it. The family is supportive and will help too.

Hopefully putting this out there will help others, lead to suggestions, and hold me accountable.

b0glerd69

You've taken the hardest step. You've admitted that alcohol is a real problem in your life, a problem that you can't control and you are willing to face it head on and embrace sobriety. My advice is to find something to fill your time. Something healthy. Also, open your mind to all the possibilities out there and don't be scared. Your new sober life will sprout roots and leaves and will be flowering soon with a little care and attention. Good luck.

lessgravity

Good for you CS. Let's get the work done. A better life is just waiting for you.

I noticed that this is the first thread you've ever made - awesome. Use SR, like you said - this place is amazing. Speaking of SMART, have you ever looked at Rational Recovery? A great book with ideas for those of us who aren't using AA.

Looking forward to seeing you walk the sober path. Congrats on your decision.

Anna

I'm glad you've made the decision to stop drinking. I'm glad you have a plan and of course, you will find lots of support here, too.

Boondock

Great decision CS, It's odd to me that us alcoholics upon embarking on the journey of recovery often look at it as a solemn horrid endeavor. When it should be a joyous occasion. You've just made one of the best decision of your life in deciding not to poison yourself to death!! Hang in there, your getting a little bit better every minute that goes by....This is awesome, good luck my friend.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back countrystix and congratulations on making what will no doubt be one the most important ( and beneficial ) decisions you've made thus far in your life. My last WD was a rough one too, and I had had countless - the final one landed me in the ER. I had a ton of GI and other issues that took time to clear up, but our bodies and minds are pretty amazing when it comes to recovery. Glad to hear your wife is joining you in support on your journey - you are indeed lucky to still have that relationship intact.

SR and the people here are a pretty amazing - they literally saved my life. Looking forward to being on the journey with you.

fishkiller

What they said.
I'll add, you never have to feel this way again.

least

^^^ what he said

Steely

Looks like you've made that first decisive step countrystix.

Congratulations.

DriGuy

When you get as sick as you did from drinking, you are clearly out of control. You need to quit for good. It's good to have you here.

Dee74

Welcome back countrystix

D

countrystix

LG, I was always intimidated to make my own thread for some reason but felt I had to at this point. I haven't looked into RR in detail but I'll check it out tomorrow. I tried to attend my first SMART meeting tonight but I couldn't get the sound to work through my headphones and couldn't hear enough through the speakers. I'll have to figure that out too or try using my phone.

countrystix

That's a great point Boondock!

countrystix

It should have been obvious to me for a while but makes more sense hearing someone else say it. Thanks.

countrystix

Appreciate all the support from everyone. Thank you.

Hevyn

Nothing much for me to add to what's been said - except that we are with you as you get free. It's a wonderful feeling to no longer be dependent on it.
We know you can do it, countrystix.