Jillian2563

I’ve been told numerous time to make a plan and I just wasn’t sure how to do that. But now I think I’ve got it. So to keep myself accountable, I’m posting my plan here.

- Go to church
- Go to Bible study
- Attend online zoom recovery meetings weekly thru the church. Attend AA during the weekday mornings when able to
- Work through the recovery guide I received
- Continue to read and work through the book Healing the Addicted Brain
- Weekly Live Meetings with my Sober Coach
- Daily check ins with Sober Coach
- Seek outpatient treatment
- Firmly and politely tell my husband that I’m stopping drinking for good and tell him my plans.
- Check in more often on this site

Hawkeye13

Great start!
What are your specific strategies for dealing with stressful moments, cravings, and habitual drinking times, places, and people?

Those moments are what typically have led to relapse for me—

Jillian2563

Thank you for this question so I know what I’m missing. I did relapse yesterday because I was triggered by my husband. I tried to work through the craving and was going to eat and then write, but I ate and then went on about my day and then caved.

These are the things I plan to do to fight cravings

- if not at home, check in on SR
- Write out what feeling and thoughts I have during craving
- meditate
- drink water / eat snack
- talk with someone

Is there anything you might add?

least

The best tool in my recovery toolbox is Gratitude. It has changed my life for the better. When I'm grateful, I have a much more positive perspective and am generally in a good mood. I take joy in anything and everything.

It also makes me happier. Here's an article about that.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

Haris2014

I use affirmations a lot during the day and if I feel the urge I go and be by myself and run through a few.

affirmations can be quite personal so I won’t stick mine down but here is a link to some generic ones you can try or adapt https://motivationping.com/alcohol-affirmations/

2ndhandrose

I would think about the what and how it is that your husband triggers you so as to have a plan in place - pre-emptively - to counter the trigger.

(my wording is a bit garbled, I hope the meaning isn't )

Hawkeye13

Cravings last about 20 minutes for me, so a short walk, a shower, a cup of tea or coffee really help as first line of defense. My second line of defense is vigorous exercise, or some really nice food. Ice cream has saved me many times. Working a jigsaw puzzle was a nice way to get through multiple temptations as you can leave it out an work on it intensively or just for a few minutes to change mindset. Reading for pleasure, watching old movies, and cooking also helped.

Bad days, which happen, might call for a long shower or bath with herbal tea and going to bed early. Always better next day because you didn’t give in to the craving

Dee74

I’m glad you’re making a plan, Jillian
It’s good to think about specific situations that have bought us undone in the past.

What strategies do you have for the next time you’re triggered by your husband?

D

Jillian2563

He still drinks so that is the trigger 😩

Jillian2563

That’s the tough part because obviously I want to spend time with him but he is still drinking. Him drinking or even bringing beer home is the trigger. Not really sure how to deal with that one. And when I told him my plan today, he basically brushed me off.

Dee74

In a way that's a trigger we all have to deal with because we live in a world of drinkers.
I'm not down playing your problem because living with a drinker is hard, but take comfort in the fact many SR members live with a drinker and stay sober, so its not impossible

Support is crucial I think. Finding it and using it.

Have people to call, or places to check into like SR or online meetings like the ones you are looking into...if you find you need more than weekly meetings look into things like AA, SMART Recovery, lifering or another meeting based method?

D

lessgravity

Yes - look up Urge Surfing on this website. It's an incredible and essential tool for early sobriety.

Awesome job putting a plan together. I often felt the same - that I was asked "what's your plan?" - for years on SR. I think when the answer to this question finally clicks for us, it can be the turn in the road toward sobriety we were always searching for.

DriGuy

I did not make a formal plan before I quit, but when the light finally came on, and I realized I had to make this forever, I started making a plan. It was not a broad plan, but very specific. It was focused on just a few situations that I knew would be stumbling blocks for me.

The first stumbling block was how would I handle not drinking every night. What I decided to do was attend an AA meeting every night, not because AA told me to do 90 meetings in 90 days, but because I found at my first AA meeting that I didn't have an overpowering urge to drink that night. All I had to do after work was make it to a meeting in three hours (anyone can hold off for three hours), and meet with people who loved being sober. This was especially fun on Friday nights when the bars were full and busy. This gave me something interesting to do that I looked forward to, and replaced my previous socializing pattern of hanging out with drunks. I actually ended up doing more than 90 meetings in 90 days, and continued this pattern for a whole year. I could not honestly tell myself I could not make time for this, especially after getting drunk every night for the last 20 years.

The next issue was how to handle finding myself around people that were drinking, whether I got there by obligation or by accident. I pre-planned exit strategies, and adopted an uncompromising attitude toward being encouraged to drink. I would be rude and just leave without explanation to the host or anyone else if I ever felt the slightest danger.

I still had to wrestle with urges, even after I broke through those monstrous early cravings, but I had adopted an uncompromising no drink - never again - for any special occasion - ever attitude. Once I committed to not even considering that once a year special occasion that would allow myself one drink, I was over the big hurdle, and resigned to that frame of mind, things got easier in a hurry. Also resigning myself to that attitude was not a sacrifice, but one of the happiest rules I ever made for myself. I got better in a hurry after that.

Jillian2563

Went to AA this morning and I know for a fact God placed me there - I was meant to go to that specific meeting.

Boondock

I go to an AA meeting every morning, it's a great way to start the day. Stay strong and hang in there Jillian. Immerse yourself in all things recovery right now.

Jillian2563

Hubby has agreed to support me. So we will see when he gets home how that goes and for how long. Thanks everyone

Steely

So pleased to see your last post Jillian. I was about to write on reminding yourself about really what a great thing you are doing, and how you prefer it. How I wished for your husband to support you during these early days.

When I wrapped my head around my preferences I couldn't care less if someone drinks around me. I know what it does to me It can get dull though. I'll leave if they get drunk, but that hadn't happened since I got sober. Wonder why that is? Lol

Your plan looks great.

Sobriety really is the much better way to go.

Jillian2563

Thank you. For me I think it’s hard because maybe there is some codependency going on, for both me and hubby. He did t drink last night, didn’t mention it at all. Hoping it keeps going that way. We have vacation coming next week.

Sober45

Hi Jillian,

I quit 17 months ago and my hubby still drinks most nights. He was indifferent to me quitting at first which made me angry. The thing is, I made the choice to quit but it affected both of our lives/routines. I was his favorite drinking buddy and tbh he didn't know what I would be like as a sober person. But now he knows and he wouldn't have me any other way.

I was mostly a wine drinker. He hasn't brought any into the house since I quit, only his beer (which I never drank anyway).

Sometimes, I ask him to pour his alcohol into a coffee cup because I don't want to be reminded of alcohol...and he does.

Really, I want him to quit but that is just another form of co-dependency. We can only control ourselves.

Stay close!

Mizz

Getting sober in a house where two people drink together has its ups and downs. One of the things that I needed to tell myself. and believe to be true, is that my sobriety is completely my own adventure. I do not ask for my spouse to be sober. I ask for my spouse to be cognizant of my intentions and issues with alcohol. I ask for my spouse to accept that I am in recovery from alcoholism. His relationship with alcohol is his own to deal with or to not deal with. I am a separate individual with my own life to live even though I am married. I am still an individual. I also told myself that I would address any issues regarding my marriage and alcohol once I had some sober time under me. Any issues we had in regards to alcohol, behaviors etc naturally worked themselves out as I gained more and more sobriety.

It is very good that your spouse is supportive. If he continues to drink alcohol it does not mean he is not supportive of you. We all have our roads with this alcohol thing and we all have our own timelines. The most important thing is for you to be strong in your resolve and to not let anything or anyone get in the way of your decision. You can do this!