I want to save myself before it is to late.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,077
Good job Tackle on your 1st week!! Yeah, I've watched people slowly get drunk while I was sober it's definitely eye opening. You think things like did I act like that?........The answer is yeah you did and sometimes probably worse!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: U.S.
Posts: 95
Although I haven’t posted much I have been reading here everyday, reading was helping me for a long time and I just didn’t seem to have much to say after the first couple of weeks.
I passed the one month date on the 11th. I have been up and down in energy and my moods, I have lost some weight and sober sleep is probably the best part, never realized until lately how important restorative sleep is.
I have cleaned up my house and my yard, and made my home look more upkept, I even re painted a few rooms for a new look.
My husband as I mentioned above continued to drink his way through all this as an everyday drinker. It helped me to stay quit watching him change with each drink and not wanting to do that to myself anymore.
He got sick recently, the years of alcohol made him really sick and he got scared. He saw how he also was becoming extremely mean to me lately and saw how he was changing for the worst.
He decided to quit and to be honest, it made me uncomfortable, I knew what to expect from him when he drank. I also knew that after he felt better he would start up again and it was like waiting for it to happen, wondering when he would walk in the door with a fresh supply of beer. It did not take long, not quite a week and the fridge is again stocked with beer.
I was foolishly hopeful that WE would actually be quit buddies, I forgot that this has to be my own personal journey and quit. My normal rhythm, my repeated pattern for the past month plus and me quit and working through my own drive to stay quit, was rattled when he quit, I lost my pattern that I was aware of and safe in. It became about him and his new quit and aches and pains, and I really needed to keep it about me and my own quit.
I don’t blame him, I just became aware of yet another trigger I have, so yes I drank some of his beer for the past two days, and I hate being back there again. Now I have to fight the cravings again that were quiet. I felt more alive this past month plus and I had more hope than I had, had in a very long time.
I wanted to update my progress. I watched the documentary Risky Drinking last night and even the doctors in the show said a relapse is not a failure, it is part of learning. I learned that it is precious and to hold on tighter to it, and keep the emotions out of it. I was very down and very low to far down when I read back to my first post, I will not put myself back there by saying I failed, I chose very poorly for two days, it is so freeking addictive, but that will not be who I am.
My update.
I am embarrassed and feel crappy about myself even though I am trying not to.
I passed the one month date on the 11th. I have been up and down in energy and my moods, I have lost some weight and sober sleep is probably the best part, never realized until lately how important restorative sleep is.
I have cleaned up my house and my yard, and made my home look more upkept, I even re painted a few rooms for a new look.
My husband as I mentioned above continued to drink his way through all this as an everyday drinker. It helped me to stay quit watching him change with each drink and not wanting to do that to myself anymore.
He got sick recently, the years of alcohol made him really sick and he got scared. He saw how he also was becoming extremely mean to me lately and saw how he was changing for the worst.
He decided to quit and to be honest, it made me uncomfortable, I knew what to expect from him when he drank. I also knew that after he felt better he would start up again and it was like waiting for it to happen, wondering when he would walk in the door with a fresh supply of beer. It did not take long, not quite a week and the fridge is again stocked with beer.
I was foolishly hopeful that WE would actually be quit buddies, I forgot that this has to be my own personal journey and quit. My normal rhythm, my repeated pattern for the past month plus and me quit and working through my own drive to stay quit, was rattled when he quit, I lost my pattern that I was aware of and safe in. It became about him and his new quit and aches and pains, and I really needed to keep it about me and my own quit.
I don’t blame him, I just became aware of yet another trigger I have, so yes I drank some of his beer for the past two days, and I hate being back there again. Now I have to fight the cravings again that were quiet. I felt more alive this past month plus and I had more hope than I had, had in a very long time.
I wanted to update my progress. I watched the documentary Risky Drinking last night and even the doctors in the show said a relapse is not a failure, it is part of learning. I learned that it is precious and to hold on tighter to it, and keep the emotions out of it. I was very down and very low to far down when I read back to my first post, I will not put myself back there by saying I failed, I chose very poorly for two days, it is so freeking addictive, but that will not be who I am.
My update.
I am embarrassed and feel crappy about myself even though I am trying not to.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 80
Don't beat yourself up. Learn from it. 30 days is great. Tomorrow is two weeks for me, so I know exactly how you feel. I was sober for six weeks and relapsed bad and when I came out of it I was super depressed. Reading and posting here helped me gain some perspective and insight on how to handle it and it really helped me. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
If you can stay in the present with your new resolve that will help you the most. For some sobriety is not a linear thing. The alcohol waters get tested and we realize that is not the pool we should be swimming in. Welcome back to sobriety. Move forward and keep your spirits up. You are doing this!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,949
TTF.
Congratulations on 30 days. That is a great accomplishment. Every day in sobriety is a step in the right direction as your body heals and cravings diminish. Everyone has their own plan. I visit this website, pray, and walk for 30 minutes in the park almost every day. I am now at four months and feel great. Keep the good work up.
Congratulations on 30 days. That is a great accomplishment. Every day in sobriety is a step in the right direction as your body heals and cravings diminish. Everyone has their own plan. I visit this website, pray, and walk for 30 minutes in the park almost every day. I am now at four months and feel great. Keep the good work up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: U.S.
Posts: 95
I am glad for your thoughts so this is good for me to share what I am feeling.
Ishallnotwant, great name. I have read books about quitting, websites, forums and joined here and talked with my doctor, but not face to face like AA. I can’t do a zoom meeting from home with my husband here, it won’t work. But I have to do something more.
I really do want to be and stay sober, I am not on the fence anymore like I was years ago still thinking about it, I do want it, I just have to make myself want it more and work harder. The temptation was just to hard the other day with my husband constantly drinking. I am not trying to make excuses, even though I am, it is just that my living environment always has alcohol in my view and reach all the time. That has to change somehow.
It does seem like 4 – 6 weeks seems to be when we let our guard down from reading around I agree Birddawg, and so good to hear you are at 2 weeks, keep going ok.
Thank you for continuing to support me fishkiller, I appreciate it. Forward is the only direction.
Mizz thank you, I really feel with my whole being that, that pool is not where I want to be swimming anymore like you mention. Thank your for your kindness.
I did so much physical work this past 5 weeks that I think I burned myself out a bit, just got exhausted. Dickenson, 4 months is so great, do keep going with it. I need to get back to my evening walk and peaceful time and pace myself more with the projects I am doing.
My feelings are low today, it is so noticeable to me how much of a depressant alcohol is, plus I ate a lot of junk food, I was eating so well before.
I have to harden up, I will continue to work this, I really do want it. I have my sober time to remind me just how good it can get and to work harder to keep it.
Ishallnotwant, great name. I have read books about quitting, websites, forums and joined here and talked with my doctor, but not face to face like AA. I can’t do a zoom meeting from home with my husband here, it won’t work. But I have to do something more.
I really do want to be and stay sober, I am not on the fence anymore like I was years ago still thinking about it, I do want it, I just have to make myself want it more and work harder. The temptation was just to hard the other day with my husband constantly drinking. I am not trying to make excuses, even though I am, it is just that my living environment always has alcohol in my view and reach all the time. That has to change somehow.
It does seem like 4 – 6 weeks seems to be when we let our guard down from reading around I agree Birddawg, and so good to hear you are at 2 weeks, keep going ok.
Thank you for continuing to support me fishkiller, I appreciate it. Forward is the only direction.
Mizz thank you, I really feel with my whole being that, that pool is not where I want to be swimming anymore like you mention. Thank your for your kindness.
I did so much physical work this past 5 weeks that I think I burned myself out a bit, just got exhausted. Dickenson, 4 months is so great, do keep going with it. I need to get back to my evening walk and peaceful time and pace myself more with the projects I am doing.
My feelings are low today, it is so noticeable to me how much of a depressant alcohol is, plus I ate a lot of junk food, I was eating so well before.
I have to harden up, I will continue to work this, I really do want it. I have my sober time to remind me just how good it can get and to work harder to keep it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
TackletheFear, I'm glad you posted. I'm sorry to hear that you drank for the past couple of days, but the most important thing is to keep moving forward. Do you have any ideas how you can stay sober when your husband is drinking nearby? Can you go out for a walk or move to a different area of the house? I hope you can find something that works for you.
You mention how much you had done and that you think you burned yourself out. I was quite lost when I stopped drinking, but I knew for sure that I needed balance in my life. For me, that meant I needed to include 'alone time' and just down-time. So, I built my recovery around that. You mention getting back to taking evening walks. If there was one thing that really helped me in early recovery, it was evening walks. It helped me physically, mentally and spiritually.
You mention how much you had done and that you think you burned yourself out. I was quite lost when I stopped drinking, but I knew for sure that I needed balance in my life. For me, that meant I needed to include 'alone time' and just down-time. So, I built my recovery around that. You mention getting back to taking evening walks. If there was one thing that really helped me in early recovery, it was evening walks. It helped me physically, mentally and spiritually.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
I've always said we all out grow drinking. You just get to old, if anything, to still booze it up. Its one thing when you are young but as we age drinking has to take a back seat. You have drank enough now its time to live a grown up life sober and feeling good, and saving tons of money in the process. All the best to you. My advice would be to stick around and read alot. The stop drinking thing can be catchy. You age out or you turn into an old drunk, and I doubt that is much fun. I know it was not fun at all being a middle aged drunk. Now after quitting at 47 life is much better with out alcohol. Big time. Oh. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Hang in there @TackleTheFear. I know it's demoralizing to work so at sobriety when your husband continues to guzzle. I'd have had a tough time in early sobriety if I had allowed myself to be surrounded with drinkers. All my life I've worked as a chef, and it's a culture where we work hard and play hard. Very few people in the restaurant culture will call you out for drinking as so many of them are drunks themself. And I have no idea how to go about trying to get some support from your husband. My experience is that people generally ignore consequences as long as they can and drink until they can't drink anymore. I suffered lots of consequences from the destruction of relationships and such to health issues and even an arrest. Through all of that I never quit drinking; the fear & shame would make me dial it back but eventually I returned to drinking even more than before. No, most people have to reach a point where they want to stop. It's hard to force someone, although you can create consequences and plant seeds.
Sobriety is selfish, and it must be. You might be doing for others to a degree but it will never stick unless you're doing for yourself first and foremost. Anyone or anything that gets in the way of your sobriety is a liability, and obstacle to be overcome. What are you prepared to do or give up for sobriety?
I have made a decision for me and for my life- anyone that interferes with my sober life has no part in my life. I will be selfish about that one thing, and I will guard my sobriety jealously. YMMV.
Sobriety is selfish, and it must be. You might be doing for others to a degree but it will never stick unless you're doing for yourself first and foremost. Anyone or anything that gets in the way of your sobriety is a liability, and obstacle to be overcome. What are you prepared to do or give up for sobriety?
I have made a decision for me and for my life- anyone that interferes with my sober life has no part in my life. I will be selfish about that one thing, and I will guard my sobriety jealously. YMMV.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,949
Tackle: Quitting smoking or drinking is a process. You keep trying as you get on and off the wagon. But eventually sobriety sticks as the addiction weakens and you enter a wonderful world of sobriety. Keep up the good work and you'll get there. .
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
