Amy1

Starting again and feel like absolute ****. And I gained 10 pounds and feel incredibly bloated and look horrible. But I did not drink today and drank tons of water, sat around all day watching TV and practicing self care. And I’m journaling to record just how bad I feel so that I can look back and read it when I am tempted to pick up again. And it also reminded me of a particular insanely alcoholic thing I tend to do. Every week the recycling goes out on Wed and trash on Tuesday. So on Tuesday I’d tell myself that I’d have one last blast, put the bottles out the next day and start ‘clean’. I would put NO more booze recycling out! Then of course I’d cave and drink, and then throw out the new bottles in the trash on Thursday, starting ‘clean’ again. Absolute insanity!! And then the cycle starts over and over again. It actually makes me chuckle , and it feels good to write it out here and admit it. What tricks our alkie brains play on us! LOL

Dee74

I remember that cycle only too well Amy

Welcome back tho - what are you looking to do differently this time?

D

Anna

Yes, Amy, the stories of denial that we tell ourselves are quite amazing. Good for you for sticking to your recovery plan today.

advbike

Welcome back Amy. It takes some of us many tries. Keep posting (very important) and maybe jump into the May class.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-two.html

least

In order for me to stay sober, I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink.

Hevyn

Amy - You're back, having learned something from this misery. It's not worth it, we don't need it - now you'll be more determined than ever.

Surrendered19

The recycling truck at my house sounded like trash day at the busiest bar in town. It woke the neighbors.

I hope you can stay with us sober and on your healthy road.

Delilah1

Welcome back Amy!

stickyone

Insanity doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. That always used to get me.

Steely

Oh, the recycling!

The sound (memory) of cascading empties still fills me with dread. Sounded like they would never end. Even resorted to wrapping in newspaper to muffle the sound. Full-time job. Insane, alright.

So much better to be sober, Amy.

Welcome back.

C0ntr0ls

I had forgotten about all the noise a S-Ton of empty beer cans make in the trash bag and especially when they're the main things in there.
It's amazing how many less trash bags I put-out being sober.

Thanks for the reminder!

Robbie64

Welcome back Amy.

I remember trying to gently place all the empty beer cans into my recycling bin so that they wouldn't make much noise. By the time recyling day came around the bin was often full of empty cans, all of which then made a noise as they were emptied into the recycling truck. When I got sober back in January it was an achievement having the bin emptied without any empty cans being inside it.

enaiddes

Congratulations on not drinking on the date of your post and I hope you enjoy the sober feeling enough to pursue it.

Love the recycling story. My life has been full of ‘scheduled drinking’ as well. How in control I felt and how clever when I'd come up with one of these plans! The exhilaration of it all - that is until I’d wake up the next morning horribly sick and scared to death about myself.

Fortunately for me I’ve hit an age where the consequences are just too gruesome for me to drink anymore, although I do have ‘booze-laden’ lunches occasionally with the girls, my brain promising me that this time I will stick to just one.

I think our brains can be our worst enemy at times. “If I’m up in my head I’m in enemy territory” is an old saying.

Scd619x

For me it wasn't insanity in hindsight as i really did not expect different results. I would finish drinking at night, crush up my cigarettes and swear never to have one again and swear off the alcohol. This vision of al alcohol free and nicotine free me was just going to be amazing. If i managed a few days/weeks/months/years off of everything, without the drunks/highs/hangovers i would learn how completely unamazing it actually was!!! Of course i was trying to stop giving myself the medicine i already 'knew' was the only one that made any real difference. For decades i did the dance. One last blowout and then ill quit and everything will be ok. The real insanity is believing that everything was ok to begin with and if you can realise that you are in a position to start doing something about it.

Rar

Ahhh, the recycling. When my husband and I lived in another area, there was a guy who collected aluminum for extra money. He would stop by every week and pick up our bags of beer cans. During one of our previous quits, he said since we quit drinking, his business was quite slow. It was rather embarrassing.

Boondock

The old empties problem, It's nuts lol I also have a little "con-man" in my brain so I would buy 1 pint of vodka because that was all I was going to drink hahahaa RIGHT!!?? By the time the binge was over I would have countless empty pint bottles every where and I have nosy neighbors. So I would bag them up put them in the back of my truck and throw them in a dumpster behind a business some where or in a local park trash bin like I was getting rid of the evidence......hahahaah NUTS!!!