stickyone

Been going through alot of ups and downs lately in my recovery. Today I am working on day 382. I'm feeling a little ran down. I haven't been feeling well usually with depression I get all the symptoms fatigue, stomach issues etc. I went and got a covid-19 test done just waiting my results. Hopefully everything goes well . If not covid19 or depression then I'm sure I have a common cold.

At the moment I'm questioning of my recovery tools like mindfulness and compassion towards others. Sometimes I feel like it's making me a push over. I try not to make nothing into something big. I ain't the compassion police but I do feel there is a limit. Usually I would separate myself from those individuals but it is not a option for me. The things these individuals do are definitely toxic for my mental health. Healthy boundaries etc . I feel that it would really do some good to put these individuals front and center with there bs.

Dee74

I spent years trying to change people, or at least to get an I'm sorry..
That caused me even more pain.

I really believe I'm the only person I can change - change how I react to things think about things - and to me that's the secret to healthy boundaries.

My worth as a person is an interior thing., How other people treat me can never affect that interior thing, unless I let it.

Its not about letting people walk all over me - boundaries are there to be maintained in a civil and non confrontational way- but its about not sweating the small stuff, and not rolling that small stuff into an already big resentment.

D

stickyone

Hey stickyone

STFU things could be worse. You have been through worse it's part of the process. Go through it and grow through it. Ain't no one going to save you but yourself. Don't be part of the cycle of these toxic people being toxic back will only bring hate and resentment in your heart. So get up keep your values and goals straight and you'll be back in your path.

Dee74

This part is good

but there's no need at all to tell yourself to shut up. man - on the contrary, speaking about stuff like this is often the way through it.

I have a pretty good relationship with my loved ones now because I keep them out of my business as much as I can and I don't engage in the same ol baiting exercises they still do to get me riled up.

It gets easier the more you do it.

D

Anna

I think it's important to have compassion for yourself, too, stickyone. Don't let your compassion towards others result in you treating yourself poorly. I hope you feel better.

stickyone

Thanks Dee
Don't sweat the small stuff by Richard Carlson I've read almost all the books. I really like them alot. I feel like I'm going through compassion fatigue at the moment. To be real with myself I began to slack after I made my year in recovery. I began drinking too much caffeine and sugary foods. I have a fast metabolism and work out alot so weight gain isn't my issue more of the fog brain headaches and becoming agitated very quickly not enough sleep.

stickyone

Thank you Anna,

Well good news I got my covid19 results back. I'm negative for covid-19 but have a common cold. I need to save my energy . So much wasted on non sense. Thank you all for the support.

Dee74

Glad it’s not COVID but take it easy and feel better soon

D

stickyone

Thanks Dee

I'm in a really dark place and the moment. I've been here many times due to depression. I went for a drive to clear my head last night. It seems no matter where I went I would see the destruction of addiction. Homeless tents , cars getting pulled over for possible drinking and driving, drug addicts everywhere. It was alot to take in. It just reminded me of where a path of addiction can lead.

dustyfox

Hi Stickyone - Sorry you are in a dark place, I know that place, and it's hard to get out - And you are right the destruction of addiction is all around - it is heart breaking . I hope you have a peaceful night and tomorrow is a better day for you.

Dee74

Have you seen a Doctor/Therapist/Counsellor about your depression StickyOne?
Not all of them prescribe meds.

Sometimes we need that external viewpoint to help us find a way out?

D

stickyone

Thank you for the support.

Lack of consistency in my self care over the last few weeks. Has brought me back here. I've taken some days off from work to let my body recover from this cold. I am grateful that I have this time off of work to heal. Take this time to reflect on more balance in my recovery so I don't lead to burnout.

Delilah1

Hi Stickyone,

I am sorry you aren’t feeling well, both physically and emotionally. Self care is definitely important, and counseling/doctor can also help, have you spoken to your doctor about how you’re feeling?

Mizz

Having compassion for yourself is also a part of this. If there are things happening that are toxic then it is okay to put up some boundaries for the time being. Boundaries do not have to be a permanent wall. They can bend and sway as we need them too.
It is really nice to see you grow, to take action and to see you have self awareness. We can only change ourselves and the way we view situations.

For the record I am also dealing with a situation that has been toxic for me and I am working diligently to come up with solutions to the problem.

Surrendered19

Hi Stickyone. It seems to be a common trait among us that we don't have good boundaries. We just don't know who we are and how to be confident adults who are honest with everyone around us. We let ourselves get walked all over, we get pissed and light the flamethrower for small slights and we ignore the big slights and we let toxic people occupy too much of our head space.

I'm glad your cold wasn't covid. I had a nasty case of covid and it was brutal.

novips

In the 12x12, we are told that:

We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.

I think it's fair to say that I fall short of this goal on a daily basis, but I have become convinced that it really is a good instruction. When I'm disturbed, it's difficult for me to differentiate setting healthy boundaries from neurotically and co-dependently trying to control people, places, and things -- and it's important I get clarity regarding which one of those is actually in play because doing the latter brings me closer to relapse while the former honors my sobriety.

My tools for quieting the disturbance include prayer & meditation, inventorying the disturbance with pen & paper, talking things out with my sponsor, and attending an A.A. meeting.

enaiddes

Yes, it seems like physical symptoms are a big part of withdrawing from an alcohol habit and they can be baffling and a little scary. But time will sort this out and leave you feeling much better I’m sure.

Your gut feeling that you’re somewhat of a pushover from practicing ‘compassion towards others’ is probably right on the mark. Depending on our disposition, an attitude of compassion for some of us will lead to being taken advantage of. Not all recovery suggestions are for everyone and we have to find our own way with things of this sort rather than following ’the rules'. I have had to learn how to protect myself from others rather than have compassion towards them.

stickyone

Thank you everyone for the love and support. I am still feeling sick due to this cold but I am still sober and working on day 384. This is a minor set back I will be better than before. I look back on how I used to withdrawal every 2 weeks after I used up all my prescription opiates. I would be in the same condition as how I look now sick like a dog. But the difference is I am sober.

Introvrtd1

Hey sticky…I think you’re doing great in sobriety…keep pressing on…

Im kinda tired of this rollercoaster ride of on again off again pawsy symptoms but I’m gonna hang in there

Stay well

stickyone

Thank you honestly besides being sick at the moment. I never thought of PAWS hitting me again. It hit me during my 3-4 months sober. Today I work on day 385 but looking at my post and journal after the year I see some things in my recovery plan that needs some change. We can do this it won't be easy and I accept that.