TheAten

A friend of mine (with whom I had a drunken argument that was so loud her husband threw me (literally) from the house) has invited me to her house again to drink with her and her husband. I told her I wouldn’t be drinking anymore. I find this confusing because a) not only have I told her I won’t be drinking but also, b) why would someone invite me to their house to drink after my drunken behaviour just three weeks ago? Yes, I can say it’s the first time in 8 years that I’ve drunk at their home this has happened, but still. It’s confusing. Of course, I’ve politely declined, and have no desire to drink, but this seems one of several ways I’m going to have to learn to navigate. If I were to loudly argue when I was sober, I doubt I would get invited again. Yet it seems people are willing to give you a pass when you’re drunk (sometimes). The mind boggles. Anyway, day 6. Nearly a full week!

biminiblue

Well, they're drinking buddies. I'm sure they have some of their own bad behaviors to refer to when thinking of your indiscretion.

Drinking buddies allow a lot. Some of the stuff I did and then went back for more is pretty disturbing.

TheAten

That’s very true. I have seen some - of course, I’m not judging, pot kettle black - but I have seen some questionable behaviours whilst I’ve been there. I do love these people, but you’re right - aside from drinking, we really have little else in common. It’s sad, but if I’m going to break out of this cycle, these friendships either need to change or I need to let go.

TheAten

Also, it’s just turned 1pm here - I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it even seems too damned early to drink. This coming from a person who would drink at any time of day, starting at 7am if that’s when I woke up. When I’m sober, the way I look at things is very different. My thought process sober vs drinking is night and day. Very bizarre.

biminiblue

That's a very good thing, Aten.

I let go of a lot of people when I got sober. I tried being "friends" with them, but I didn't really like them when they drank. That's pretty telling.

Mizz

You may just need a "time out" from those drinking friends. Time to get your head on straight and think about who and what you want to be in the world. Perhaps the friendship is not the healthiest? Stay close. Post often. Build a life you are proud to live.
You can do this. I believe in you!

TheAten

Thank you, Mizz! I believe in me, too 🙂 I’m going for food with a friend later - a friend who I don’t go drinking with, so that will be nice. I’ve already decided what I’m drinking - slim line tonic and lemon and lime - I’m a beer and wine drinker so that’s different enough yet very refreshing. I’ll report back when I get home - it sounds silly to say that, but it feels right to report at this early stage.

biminiblue

Absolutely report back! I think it's good to have the forum to bounce things off - successes, ideas, doubts, victories.

advbike

Yes, sounds like you need some new friends. Calm, sober people. It will change your life even further.

Great job on a week, TheAten.

Anna

TheAten, going for food with friends you don't drink with is an excellent idea. Nurture those friendships. And, consider stepping back from the drinking buddies, for awhile at least.

Mizz

Enjoy your meal and the company. It all sounds very positive and necessary.

ScottFromWI

It is a real eye opener, is it not? If you think about it, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, and a very powerful one at that. When you quit drinking - and especially if you were a daily drinker - I'ts literally the equivalent of quitting a heavy daily medication schedule. Your mind takes time to re-adjust, but really what's happening is your mind is waking back up from a long slumber and it's got a lot of pent up thinking to do.

Sober45

Congratulations on 6 days! I've been sober for 16 months now. The difference in how I think today compared to when I drank is unreal. As a sober person, I can see now my emotional compass was going in all directions all the time....I was a paranoid mess (including finances).

Drinking alcoholically took up all of my energy. Even when I wasn't drinking I was hungover and anticipating drinking or wishing I didn't drink or trying to come up with a plan to moderate. It's all consuming. It affects every part of our being.

It sounds like you are on an excellent path to recovery. Stay close!

Scd619x

Everyone does silly stuff when they are drunk, it's par for the course regardless if you have alcohol use disorder or not. I've seen friends and family beat the hell out of each other then the next day arrange to go out again, and all sorts of other weird behaviour when people have been drunk. Honestly it's got nothing to do with having a drink problem it's just what happens when people are drunk and is accepted.

Obviously if you are, what AA would call, a real alcoholic and are doing criminal and very damaging behaviour then law abiding and sensible people won't accept that.

Steely

Congratulations on 6 days TheAten....nearly a week! A week is long time in early recovery....reason to be proud.

No more getting turfed off the premises for us anymore. We've got sober legs and can walk.

Well done on declining further invite. No offence to your friends, but sometimes drinkers can try to lure us back in out of their own misgivings about alcohol. "Just, one." No thanks.

TheAten

Well, guys - I made it! I had dinner and dessert and im waiting for the bus home, completely alcohol free! It was very strange at first and I did feel something was missing, but as time went on, I started to relax and before long I forgot there was no alcohol! Feeling really pleased right now and naturally tired - not drunk! Hooray!

Steely

Hooray!

Surrendered19

That is great TheAten. I think you'll find that dinners, get-togethers, holidays, etc., are still fun. We had made such things all so untenable and risky with our drinking. But the events themselves are still fun and we can have a grand time sober. Good for you!!

Wastinglife

I am a typical Jekyll and Hyde drinker. I am introverted and laid-back when sober. The complete opposite when drinking. I've woken up multiple times in the ER or jail. No memory of how i got there. I get in bar fights or fights with friends or family. However, I wasn't always an alcoholic so my friends know I'm a decent person so a bad night of drinking has never been held against me for long. I'm sure that your friends are the same where they know you just had too much to drink but otherwise a nice person.