Thrillhou

I had almost 7 months but I threw it away. I've drank for the past 5 nights. The hangovers have been unbelievably horrible. I never had hangovers that were this bad. My body is readjusting I guess. I think I just got so bored being sober.

least

So you traded feeling bored for feeling horrible? I hope you start making better choices before something awful happens as a result of your drinking.

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear that Thrillhou.
You sounded pretty good the last time you posted recently.
What happened after that?
I hope you can get back to sobriety ASAP.

I'd start thinking about what a sober life you love might look like. I really think thats vital.

I know COVID makes doing things more difficult but I really believe there's no reason why anyone here can't find things to do, stay occupied and feel productive about their life sober?

D

Thrillhou

Insomnia drove me back to drinking. I had so many terrible sober nights barely sleeping. I figured since I was going to feel horrible in the morning regardless, might as well drink.

freedomfries

I'm sorry you drank but glad you're back. Insomnia sucks. Is there anything you could be doing that you're not already? Practicing good sleep hygiene, exercising during the day...? Valerian root extract helps me. Or you could ask your doctor.

Thrillhou

I knew my sobriety wasn't going to last. I knew I was gonna mess up.

freedomfries

You're not doomed to relapse. Anyone can recover. Even if you think you're a special hopeless case, you can stay sober too. All you have to do is stay away from that first drink.

Obviously if you relapses, there's something missing from your sobriety toolbox. Is there anything you can add?

Delilah1

You can make it last this time. I’m glad you came back and posted instead of continuing to drink.

Steely

Start building those days again Thrillhou.

Feeling horrible because of insomnia does not compare to the horrible of drinking. That's been my experience at anyrate.

Back on the horse no matter what.

C0ntr0ls

"I knew my sobriety wasn't going to last. I knew I was gonna mess up" that's the AV talking. Kick that SOB to the curb. Easier said then done I know.
I don't sleep all that well. Hell my tattle-tail fitbit can't keep track on some days but I know it's better then the alternative.

Good Luck.

Dee74

Insomnia sucks but there are treatments that help - from the medical, through the herbal and into the behavourial.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-a...beat-insomnia/
https://www.better-sleep-better-life...mnia-tips.html

I think thinking this way was probably at fault as much or more than the insomnia.

Whenever I built the possibility of a drink into my future I'd take it,sooner or later.

I dunno what kind of support you had beside SR but based on posts, you don't look like you use us that much.
Maybe more support and using it is something to think about this time:?

D

Chris2

I think that's a little bit harsh to be honest.

I can totally relate to relapsing due to boredom knowing it's the wrong thing but stopping making that choice is really, really hard.

DriGuy

My boredom went away when I quit drinking. It's not like I worked at finding other things to do, either. It just went away. The only explanation I can think of was that I wasn't drinking because I was bored. I was bored with never doing anything in the evenings other than getting drunk. Night after night after night... getting drunk. That is one great recipe for making a life boring.

The insomnia is something else, but I can't believe drinking helps that in the long term.

Mizz

Structure is a really important part of my own sobriety.
Getting enough rest and sleep are also really important.
There are remedies that may be able to help you sleep so you can get back on track to feeling refreshed and positive about life.

If you knew you were going to relapse then it does sound like you had thoughts already that gave way to the relapse.
Our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical selves need to be cared for on a daily basis. You can get back to being sober and recover from active alcoholism.

ScottFromWI

Glad you are back Thrillhou. Would you care to expand on this thought? We all "mess up" in life, no matter what it is that we are seeking. That's why it's important to have a plan and be ready for when it happens. Drinking is a choice - not something that happens to us. Yes there are many external factors that might lead us to the decision to drink - pain, suffering, boredom, insomnia, but at the end of the day the choice to actually acquire and drink alcohol is purely a conscious decision we all make.

Back in march of this year, you posted the statement below - and then you really didn't post much at all until today.
I haven't really been doing a whole lot of "recovery" stuff per se. I should probably start doing some more of those things if I want this to last. Now that I have money and a completely healed liver I'm kind of getting worried.
Prior to that, you were posting somewhat regularly. Did you take any action based on the statement above? The thing about sobriety is that it's really a way of life and something that we need to protect/plan for every day. It also involves making changes in your life to avoid/improve the situations that surrounded our drinking in the first place. For example, I had really horrible insomnia/sleep issues too - but there are quite a few different things you can do to help that don't involve drinking alcohol. Being "bored" is another thing to think about - there's a million different thigns we can do with our time if we have it - that's where being involved in a recovery community like SR or locally can help. We allow ourselves to be bored - it's a state of mind. It's not something that just happens to us because of external factors.

Scd619x

Yep i remember those sober times, it was like holding my breath as I could only last so long before being completely miserable day after day seemed much worse than drinking. It's difficult changing your views and lifestyle so don't give up. Try again and do something different this time. If you are drinking at the level you did 7 months ago then you will feel like crap as your body has reset itself.

novips

Proposition: If you are a real alcoholic then you either gain access to a power greater than yourself that can keep you sober or you drink. You'll always have semi-reasonable explanations for your relapses (e.g., "I got bored") but the truth is that you suffer from a mental illness / mental obsession that will always lead you back to thinking the next right thing to do is pick up a drink unless you find the right solution. To the extent alcoholism is an illness, it is either (1) an incurable illness, (2) an illness that has only 1 cure, or (3) an illness that has many cures. For me, I've concluded that (a) there is a type of alcoholic for whom there is only one cure, (b) I am that type of alcoholic, and (c) the only cure for me is Alcoholics Anonymous.

Hevyn

Thrillhou - I did that a few times before finally acknowledging I could never be a social drinker. It was never going to be fun or relaxing or an escape. I had become dependent on it - & once it was in my system, bad things were going to happen. The last time I decided to try having 'a few' it led to years of drinking & reckless behavior. I'm glad you are back after 5 nights - you sound ready to end the misery. You can!

dustyfox

Hi Thrillhou - I am so sorry things have been difficult for you. Insomnia has driven me back to drinking in the past for the same reason you said. I am currently 12 days sober and am having real problems with insomnia, getting to sleep, staying asleep, and then, just when I am exhausted, having to get up and cope with life. All I can say is that you know insomnia is a problem, you must not let it drive you back to drinking. You did so well, 7 months is amazing. Can you post here daily, twice daily, maybe write a blog or diary, just to keep focused? I really feel for you, as insomnia is crippling when you're exhausted but just can't sleep. But as you know drinking may help you 'pass out' but you will feel totally worse in the morning and then the whole wretched cycle starts all over again. Don't give up, giving up. Just see this as a learning curve. You know insomnia ad boredom will be bug bears, so you are now better prepared to deal with them next time. Keep posting!

Thrillhou

I didn't think anybody saw that post. Nobody really reacted to it or commented on it.