Relapse
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Join Date: May 2012
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Originally Posted by Thrillhou 
I didn't think anybody saw that post. Nobody really reacted to it or commented on it.
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 05-26-2021 at 09:54 AM.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by Chris2
I think that's a little bit harsh to be honest.
I can totally relate to relapsing due to boredom knowing it's the wrong thing but stopping making that choice is really, really hard.
I can totally relate to relapsing due to boredom knowing it's the wrong thing but stopping making that choice is really, really hard.
No Chris you're right - It is really hard...but this place is all about helping us make other positive choices.
I've been bored in sobriety too - but much less so when I realised I was still expecting my fun to leap forth from a bottle.
Once you give that preoccupation up, the world kinda opens up again- or at least it did for me
Like I said earlier - if I expect to drink again, I will...if I put qualifiers on my recovery - like I won't drink unless I get bored - then sure as eggs one day I'll be bored and...
I had to go the extra mile and not let feeling bored trip me up.
D
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Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: London
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Originally Posted by Thrillhou
I'm not back on the horse yet. Not entirely sure when/if that will be.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,008
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
What's stopping you from getting back on? Anything we can help with?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Even when completely clean there is nothing that special about me or my life.
Think about hobbies and interests or things you want to pursue.
Think about what you want your life from now on to be like and start out on the journey, man
D
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Yeah, I think many of us feel that way when we're actively drinking. The AV wants you to believe there is nothing special about you or your life so you will continue drinking. But, in sobriety and recovery, you will see things differently.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
"Even when completely clean there is nothing that special about me or my life."
That is your dirty AV talking at you my friend. Judging your life like that with a brief conclusory trite missive that cannot be disputed by anyone except you - perfection in nag-headed reasoning that we all are so good at.
One suggestion I have for when you get sober is to consider your sobriety a thing by itself - its own entity. Something unique and special and worth protecting.
We're pulling for you. You can get back on this side of the fence, I know it.
That is your dirty AV talking at you my friend. Judging your life like that with a brief conclusory trite missive that cannot be disputed by anyone except you - perfection in nag-headed reasoning that we all are so good at.
One suggestion I have for when you get sober is to consider your sobriety a thing by itself - its own entity. Something unique and special and worth protecting.
We're pulling for you. You can get back on this side of the fence, I know it.
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Thrilllhou, you say there is nothing special about you or your life, yet you feel you are especially damaged/beyond hope - more than the rest of us - hence must drink. Just because it’s reversed doesn’t mean it isn’t there. There is a part of you that knows you can be more than this , that you are worth the struggle. That continuing to drink is no answer for you.
When I started trying to quit drinking last year, after a short period , I went pretty darn crazy in sobriety. I didn’t sleep , either. My mental health deteriorated a lot. Depression and anxiety went wild. I became suicidal.
But I went back on medication, worked a program. I am willing not just to stop putting the alcohol in , but to try to change everything that led to it being my answer to everything for 35+ years.
I am still on that journey after a few relapses and now 96 days of sobriety. Sometimes it’s horrible and ridiculously hard and I want so so much to just go back to that numb place where I had no feelings and didn’t have to deal. to switch off the pain of mental health symptoms or whatever.
But there are also moments of elation and sheer joy, places where I can glimpse what is possible for me. I am not special either, Thrillhou. I am an alcoholic. But I would rather be real and awake and struggling than waiting to die. At the time I quit I thought I was close to death, but now I realise it may have taken years. I could have been in that place for a long time.
You also wanted that. to be awake. You got several months of sobriety and had moments where you could glimpse what was possible. You have learnt a lot about what works for you and what doesn’t in that time. Add to it. Grant yourself permission to continue the struggle. You are enough. Xx
When I started trying to quit drinking last year, after a short period , I went pretty darn crazy in sobriety. I didn’t sleep , either. My mental health deteriorated a lot. Depression and anxiety went wild. I became suicidal.
But I went back on medication, worked a program. I am willing not just to stop putting the alcohol in , but to try to change everything that led to it being my answer to everything for 35+ years.
I am still on that journey after a few relapses and now 96 days of sobriety. Sometimes it’s horrible and ridiculously hard and I want so so much to just go back to that numb place where I had no feelings and didn’t have to deal. to switch off the pain of mental health symptoms or whatever.
But there are also moments of elation and sheer joy, places where I can glimpse what is possible for me. I am not special either, Thrillhou. I am an alcoholic. But I would rather be real and awake and struggling than waiting to die. At the time I quit I thought I was close to death, but now I realise it may have taken years. I could have been in that place for a long time.
You also wanted that. to be awake. You got several months of sobriety and had moments where you could glimpse what was possible. You have learnt a lot about what works for you and what doesn’t in that time. Add to it. Grant yourself permission to continue the struggle. You are enough. Xx
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Back in the USA
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So sorry to hear that Thrill 🙁 I was bored for the past few days but I didn’t want to go back to that nightmare of having those horrible withdrawals and awful paws symptoms 😩
Pick yourself up and dust off… Keep trying but don’t give up
Pick yourself up and dust off… Keep trying but don’t give up
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,008
The only reason why I started this thread was because I was hungover and remorseful. Now that the hangovers have become less severe I'm afraid I'm going back into the wilderness for quite some time. I'm horrible at "recovery". Either you have it or you don't.
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Thrill, it is not sounding like a lot of fun in your wilderness, to be honest. I hope you give yourself a chance to stop this insanity soon. Reach out for the help you need now. Don’t wait. Call a rehab. Call AA hotline. Go to Emergency department.
One of the common themes of us all when we drink is this naked pain and absolute certainty in our isolation and loneliness, Thrill. That no one can help us. That we are lost and we deserve to be. I truly believed my children (the only people I was still actually connected with at end of my drinking) would be better off if I was dead. But they wouldn’t have been. Just as your family and friends won’t be.
Even though I don’t know you, I can almost guarantee that your statement is also false. It’s not that “nobody cares” it’s that you can’t let them. You need to care for you. You need to take that one small step towards help. And while that seems impossible right now, that is why you do it. Rehab may help you a lot. AA may help you a lot. Deliberately going into the wilderness for a long time? Not so much.
One of the common themes of us all when we drink is this naked pain and absolute certainty in our isolation and loneliness, Thrill. That no one can help us. That we are lost and we deserve to be. I truly believed my children (the only people I was still actually connected with at end of my drinking) would be better off if I was dead. But they wouldn’t have been. Just as your family and friends won’t be.
Even though I don’t know you, I can almost guarantee that your statement is also false. It’s not that “nobody cares” it’s that you can’t let them. You need to care for you. You need to take that one small step towards help. And while that seems impossible right now, that is why you do it. Rehab may help you a lot. AA may help you a lot. Deliberately going into the wilderness for a long time? Not so much.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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everyone who took the time to read or respond here cares about you Thrillhound
Do yourself a favour and look at the posts you made when you were sober - you may not feel it now but I feel. I'm sure you were less miserable.
The only thing drinking like we did brings us is trouble pain and probably an early death.
I know no one here wants that for you and I'm sure the people in your life don;t want that for you.
I'm sure deep down it's not what the real you wants either - I know you came here and keep posting for a reason.
Don't deny that desire for change.
D
Do yourself a favour and look at the posts you made when you were sober - you may not feel it now but I feel. I'm sure you were less miserable.
The only thing drinking like we did brings us is trouble pain and probably an early death.
I know no one here wants that for you and I'm sure the people in your life don;t want that for you.
I'm sure deep down it's not what the real you wants either - I know you came here and keep posting for a reason.
Don't deny that desire for change.
D
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
"In the end, nobody cares about me. Nobody cares about me."
You are dead wrong about that Thrillhou. SR is populated with masses of people who are motivated to help each other. Admittedly it is an imperfect kind of help and attendance to others. But we are here because we want to be well again and we want to join others in that journey. I care deeply about the people on SR Thrillhou, and that includes you. If you left us, we would be diminished.
I understand how you conclude that you are not worthy of care and love. It is yet another way your heads keep us convinced that there is no reason to stay sober. The last few years I drank I was convinced that if they found me dead one day, nobody would care. But I was so wrong about that Thrillhou.
You matter Thrillhou and nothing you say can change that. When you drink today, you are killing a person with intrinsic worth to the rest of us.
You are dead wrong about that Thrillhou. SR is populated with masses of people who are motivated to help each other. Admittedly it is an imperfect kind of help and attendance to others. But we are here because we want to be well again and we want to join others in that journey. I care deeply about the people on SR Thrillhou, and that includes you. If you left us, we would be diminished.
I understand how you conclude that you are not worthy of care and love. It is yet another way your heads keep us convinced that there is no reason to stay sober. The last few years I drank I was convinced that if they found me dead one day, nobody would care. But I was so wrong about that Thrillhou.
You matter Thrillhou and nothing you say can change that. When you drink today, you are killing a person with intrinsic worth to the rest of us.
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