D122y

I am still seeing mental and physical growth, change, strengthening,and normalizing.

I don't expect to ever be out of the grips of addiction. That is why some folks stay active in AA for their entire life.

Probably the best mindset to not relapse.

I know that if I ever relapsed it would be bad on a catastrophic scale.

I would rather believe this and be wrong, then challenge this belief and be right.

One slip could wipe me out mentally. Insanity.

Sobriety is wonderful.

Getting ready for a nice road trip to see the family after being locked away for over a year.

Thanks.

miko67

Great thread. My mental health has took me on a wild trip through recovery.
my first meeting I just sat sweating and shaking as I spoke. The sweats were bad, blushing feeling like everyone judging me. If I walked into a room and people were laughing or talking , it was about me.
that was off the back off Cocaine abuse with alcohol for many years. That got better but,I suffered too in recovery, got better first year , eased but still had panic attacks and anxiety
dr helped by giving me beta blockers after trying holistic routes and internet powders.
it’s part of me now I just know what I need to do, i have tools. Drink and drugs just masked it but thank God I learned the way out.

Tanky

For years I thought alcohol was just a “necessary” part of managing my mental health symptoms and childhood trauma. complex PTSD is my formal diagnosis. But frankly, at times, I could and have been diagnosed with pretty much anything. (Bipolar, BPD, etc)

I have become psychotic a few times and highly suicidal at times , spent some time in mental health institutions and been generally crippled by depression and anxiety. So , I suspect, the self-medication really didn’t do me many favours. I had a lot of therapy while I was still drinking. About 4-5 years in my 20s which did nothing and around 8 years trauma focused therapy in 30s-40s, which was more effective , but still not so much.

After I started trying to quit drinking last year, after a month or so I again became pretty mentally unwell and suicidal - sober. But I went back on medication (which apparently is more effective without alcohol- go figure!!) and then worked a program and now I feel like I have experienced more relief in a short few months than I think I maybe ever have.

I am not saying it is all unicorns and rainbows. I still have depression and anxiety issues, but at much less acute levels, and I believe my mental health is actually heading towards actually not being this central feature of my existence for first time in about 30-35 years.