Disser

Anyone that drinks far to often or to much looked back and think what have I done to myself and how did I get here?for the past 2 years that Iv drank excessively I look like Iv aged a lot. I used to look young for my age. Was in great health. Doctors would tell me I’m in great health, great blood work. Dread to think how my blood pressure would be now. I don’t think alcohol is bad for in moderation, can actually be good for you in small amounts because it thins the blood. But like with anything to much will kill you

Dee74

When I first got sober maybe but the longer I stay sober the more I just got on with living life.
I'm sure you will too Disser

The wilderness years were good for one thing - making my resolve titanium strong never to go back there again, ever.

D

Mizz

The last few weeks of drinking had the "What have I done to myself?"
Dark circles under the eyes. Blood shot eyes. Always trying to work off a hangover in some way.
It was madness. Pure insanity.

I don't see those circles any longer. I feel healthy and I look healthy. Its all been a giant WIN!

biminiblue

I think you'll be very surprised and happy with how you look and feel with a little more sober time, Disser. A lot of it for me was just in my negative perception of everything, including myself. I'm much kinder to that image in the mirror these days.

I'm not ever gonna be 20 again. No way around that.

Scd619x

My biggest regret are not drink related, all people can do stupid things when drunk. I can make huge life changing mistakes sober and have done so. Made a big one 5 years ago sober, and another huge one just over 10 years ago sober etc etc.

Mizz

I would like to add that in enough time you will be saying
"LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE DONE TO MYSELF!" Seeing all the positive change and living a life that is powerful.

nez

Oh hell yeah I used to say "what have I done to myself?"
In recovery, I now say "look at what I am doing for myself!!!"
We get to change our present and impact our future for the better!

dustyfox

I look back and count my blessings that I am not dead - as through excess alcohol/drugs and mad choices made whilst under the influence often meant I was in harms way. I look back and feel protective towards myself and wish I could have helped me out. But at this moment like others have said I think - Look at what am doing for myself!
And in terms of alcohol in 'moderation' - am sure it is good for lots of people in 'moderation' - but not me - I can't do moderation sadly!

ScottFromWI

Yes, it's pretty common to have regrets about things we've done that were not positive. As others have mentioned though, it's important to remember those things so we don't repeat them - but dwelling on them can be counter-productive too. Regarding the bolded statement, of course the caveat is that moderation is not an option for us. I desperately tried to moderate my drinking by every available method over the years, and even invented some myself. However, I finally accepted that three is no amount of alcohol that is good for me - not even one sip, ever.

Hodd

More than I’d dare admit to anyone, especially my wife. I wasted 12 years of my life drinking. We lived abroad for four years, and that was a total blur. I saw a 2011 pic of my wife, and she was looking great. Not that I noticed. Plus I was an obese wreck.

But what’s done is done. The likes of us know we’ve missed out, and we’re (hopefully) sober, can make amends. There will be countless others who won’t make the change we have.

RecklessDrunk

Some things really don't sit well with me and in my mid 40s there is no going back.
Then I look at the close calls, what about this time and that time. Why did I not die, why did I not end up in prison. What about the things that did go right.

We are right where God wants us to be.

TroubleAfoot

Me too. Two different times, in the past, I've had people literally ask to see my driver's license after I told them how old I was because they didn't believe me. They thought I was way younger. Lately, because of the heavy drinking (I'm only 3 weeks sober right now, on this go), I feel like I've completely caught up, looks-wise, with my age. Oh well.

And yes. What have I done to myself? I have pain in my back left side flank that has concerned me because it has hung around so long. I don't know if its a kidney or the pancreas or what. I'm used to the dull kidney pain but, usually, this goes away within 4 or 5 days of sobriety. I am encouraged that my current discomfort does seem to be subsiding, more and more every day, but it is just taking longer than I thought it would. There is this thought process where I'm like "geez did I finally screw this up so badly that I've done permanent damage to myself?"

My biggest regret though, far and away, is the wasted years but, also, oh well. What can we do but move forwards the best we can. It is the only option. I am buoyed by the comments above that suggest, with enough time and commitment, we will be reflecting on the great good we have done for ourselves. Everyone I know and have met, either amongst the people around me or the many on this forum, that have been sober for an extended period of time, only have immensely positive things to say about it.

Gabe1980

I do.....especially when I look at my body and think about what I have put it through.

I also know that dwelling on things is a habit of mine and one I am trying to replace today. Less thinking and more doing. This is a horrible thing that we are dealing with and having a little bit of self-compassion is really important in moving forward x

Kaily

Alcohol ruined my childhood, all I knew was fear, loss and insecurity. Soon as I could, I drank to medicate the fear and insecurity, carried on for 40 years and caused many more issues on top of the fear and insecurity. A theme created in my early years continued for life.

So yes, alcohol has entirely ruined my life and now although sober, I fight addiction everyday. I am exhausted, depressed and isolated. Any chances of proper happiness are gone, I am too damaged.

It has been so tough, I am full of anger, resentment, remorse and regret.

Proud to be sober. It took a strength that I had to dig so very deeply to find.

enaiddes

Thank you so much Kaily, you’ve described my life - all ruined since I was a teenager and drank my first beers, leading to wine in copious quantities 3 times a week which made me feel like I was in control of it because it was on a schedule. This of course led to vodka - sometimes - two bottles shared with my partner and then later on my own after I left him, vodka and a sixpack to fill up my Friday evenings and pot when I could get it.

I share your emotions of anger and regret and these feelings are very real and very present at any given time.

However I also have a strong side to me that’s very happy. So I have two sides but fortunately the positive one is by far the strongest and pretty much occupies center stage at all times.

This happiness took some years to develop but develop it did and I am grateful. I hope you’re on the same path.

ciowa

I was lucky to have stopped right before going over the cliff. Still, there are a lot of things I did, and didnt do, because I was drinking at the time. I was a binge drinker so I had stretches of not drinking in which I did a lot of good, productive things but I also caused a lot of chaos when I did drink.

Ekohe

I do for sure, especially about what I have put my body through. It has always worked so hard to heal me and I voluntarily put it through hell by guzzling some poison. Absurd when I am not in my addictive state, absolute insanity. I have apologized to my body more times than I can count.

FarFromHeaven

Definitely! I had that moment when I learned just how much damage I had done to my body over time. It was an awakening when I got my blood results/CT scans back and I immediately knew something had to change. I try not to linger in that thought for too long, though, and instead try to focus on moving forward and making changes for the better. Down the road, I know I'll be amazed at how far I've come, instead of being ashamed at what I've done. All in due time..

DriGuy

I had that feeling very early on in recovery. Yes, I did things that physically hurt me, but mostly I remember not believing I had come to that state. I don't think about it much anymore. What's done is done. I'm just happy to be moving on.

lessgravity

Of course, my money is on most of all us feeling this way. I comment the same way in all of these types of threads - the most essential and important thing is not to let regrets about the past prevent you from changing. For a drunk, nothing is much better of an excuse than "I might as well not even try, look at the mess I made" - it's a way of continuing to drink that many of us utilize and must be pushed back against.