So What Now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 6
So What Now
So I'm 4 months off the juice. Had a docs visit a few weeks after quitting and was deemed fit. I had spent the last four years drinking heavily and barely functioning through my job. I decided to quit during a huge ice storm where I drank myself out for a few days, then was activated for the second wave of the storm. Still have a case of beer and a half gallon of vodka in their normal resting places. Haven't come close to opening them.
So I am wondering NOW WHAT? I've been spending as much time as I can at work, have taken 20 pounds off the dogs through walks, cooked everything possible and am on like level 4500 on Candy Crush. I have cleaned, detailed and polished everything I can find.
After I wind down, usually while watching TV in bed, instead of feeling good about not drinking, I just feel stupid and worthless. I usually wake up feeling the same until I get my day going. I live in the country alone and am pretty introverted but am ok with it.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Part of it is regret for pissing away some of my life, but the rest is just an empty and worthless feeling. I should feel proud for having kept sober, but it's just not there. Any experiences would be appreciated
So I am wondering NOW WHAT? I've been spending as much time as I can at work, have taken 20 pounds off the dogs through walks, cooked everything possible and am on like level 4500 on Candy Crush. I have cleaned, detailed and polished everything I can find.
After I wind down, usually while watching TV in bed, instead of feeling good about not drinking, I just feel stupid and worthless. I usually wake up feeling the same until I get my day going. I live in the country alone and am pretty introverted but am ok with it.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Part of it is regret for pissing away some of my life, but the rest is just an empty and worthless feeling. I should feel proud for having kept sober, but it's just not there. Any experiences would be appreciated
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
I found my solution in Alcoholics Anonymous. This directs my focus in the following ways:
1. To be an active part of the fellowship of A.A. via [1] regular meeting attendance (I lock in at least 4 meetings per week), [2] a home group, and [3] a service position.
2. To actively work the steps. In the beginning, that means working your way through 1-9. Later, that means on-going "maintenance" via 10-12 (with occasional revisiting of 1-9).
3. Specifically as to Step 11, continuing to seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with "God" as I understand Him/Her/It. This is an extremely broad invitation. An atheist can develop a mindfulness practice.
4. Specifically as to Step 12, to try to carry the A.A. message of recovery to the still suffering alcoholic. I recently heard that the Quran includes the following: “If anyone saved a life it would be as if he saved the life of the whole humanity.” If you have never experienced sponsoring someone from active addiction to recovery then you'll just have to believe me when I say that if you told me I was going to sit around for the next 20 years twiddling my thumbs in exchange for doing that one more time then my life would have all the meaning I could ever ask for.
5. Enjoying life. The Big Book says:
[W]e think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. Everybody knows that those in bad health, and those who seldom play, do not laugh much. So let each family play together or separately, as much as their circumstances warrant. We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn’t do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.
Hope that helps.
1. To be an active part of the fellowship of A.A. via [1] regular meeting attendance (I lock in at least 4 meetings per week), [2] a home group, and [3] a service position.
2. To actively work the steps. In the beginning, that means working your way through 1-9. Later, that means on-going "maintenance" via 10-12 (with occasional revisiting of 1-9).
3. Specifically as to Step 11, continuing to seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with "God" as I understand Him/Her/It. This is an extremely broad invitation. An atheist can develop a mindfulness practice.
4. Specifically as to Step 12, to try to carry the A.A. message of recovery to the still suffering alcoholic. I recently heard that the Quran includes the following: “If anyone saved a life it would be as if he saved the life of the whole humanity.” If you have never experienced sponsoring someone from active addiction to recovery then you'll just have to believe me when I say that if you told me I was going to sit around for the next 20 years twiddling my thumbs in exchange for doing that one more time then my life would have all the meaning I could ever ask for.
5. Enjoying life. The Big Book says:
[W]e think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. Everybody knows that those in bad health, and those who seldom play, do not laugh much. So let each family play together or separately, as much as their circumstances warrant. We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn’t do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.
Hope that helps.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
Vaparkranger, thanks for the post. I’m in much the same situation as you so I’ll be very interested in the responses you get. I’m 83, and live alone in the rural desert of SE Arizona. I’m sober, feel healthier for it and want to stay this way. But, always, lurking in the background, is the question of “why bother”.
My wife of 60 years died about 16 months ago and my grief over loosing her has, I’m sure, settled to where it will remain for the rest of my life. But when she died any sense of purpose in my life went with her. While she was living I took care of her, that was my purpose. Now, I face however many years remaining to me with no sense of purpose and not much to do that interests me. I read a lot, periodically write a blog, and watch Netflix sparingly; I don’t watch TV at all. I often think to myself that some level of oblivion would help pass the time. Along with that comes the thought “what difference would it make”.
I’ll be interested in hearing how others have dug themselves out of this mindset.
My wife of 60 years died about 16 months ago and my grief over loosing her has, I’m sure, settled to where it will remain for the rest of my life. But when she died any sense of purpose in my life went with her. While she was living I took care of her, that was my purpose. Now, I face however many years remaining to me with no sense of purpose and not much to do that interests me. I read a lot, periodically write a blog, and watch Netflix sparingly; I don’t watch TV at all. I often think to myself that some level of oblivion would help pass the time. Along with that comes the thought “what difference would it make”.
I’ll be interested in hearing how others have dug themselves out of this mindset.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
It sounds like you have kept yourself really busy.
What now?
I think all parts of myself need to be nurtured in order for me to content in life. I don't know about you but I was suffering a lot when I was actively drinking. To be happy with my current sober self and strive to do my best everyday is really satisfying. Not all days are full of giant smiles and extreme happiness but every sober day is infinitely better than active addiction.
What now?
I think all parts of myself need to be nurtured in order for me to content in life. I don't know about you but I was suffering a lot when I was actively drinking. To be happy with my current sober self and strive to do my best everyday is really satisfying. Not all days are full of giant smiles and extreme happiness but every sober day is infinitely better than active addiction.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Hi Vaparkranger. It's great to have you here with us. Congratulations on your 4 mos. sober - no small achievement, & something to be so proud of (even though you say you aren't.)
I think we all feel that way at times. I don't live alone, but I occasionally have that empty, worthless feeling. I do think you're on to something - it may be in part due to regret & remorse for past behavior. It was a problem for me in the early months of quitting, but eventually that sadness only visited me once in a while. I had to keep busy & keep my mind occupied. I know it's a challenge when you live alone. It's inevitable to think about the past sometimes - we just can't dwell on it or we'll sabotage the remainder of our life with regret. I wish I had an answer - but I do know that talking things over here helps. We all understand, & you're never alone.
I think we all feel that way at times. I don't live alone, but I occasionally have that empty, worthless feeling. I do think you're on to something - it may be in part due to regret & remorse for past behavior. It was a problem for me in the early months of quitting, but eventually that sadness only visited me once in a while. I had to keep busy & keep my mind occupied. I know it's a challenge when you live alone. It's inevitable to think about the past sometimes - we just can't dwell on it or we'll sabotage the remainder of our life with regret. I wish I had an answer - but I do know that talking things over here helps. We all understand, & you're never alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
I don't have a magic answer, but I'll share a little of what my process has been. Some of it has been finding new interests that I can put my focus into now that I'm not wasting my life any more. That will be different for everyone. I have worked on some creative projects and crafts, sewing, read a lot of books, worked on a garden. I've re-engaged with birdwatching. Oddly enough birdwatching has also become a kind of meditation for me ... not formal meditation, just paying very close attention to nature and taking in the beauty and complexity of it. I always "failed" at meditation and prayer but immersing myself in nature has become something I can do easily, and for me it is the antidote to feelings of pointlessness or worthlessness. I'm sure other people have other ways "in" but this is mine.
Another sure-fire way to feel better is to help others ... does not have to be a big in-person volunteering thing, although that can be great. It can be posting online (here on SR or elsewhere) to support others. It can be supporting a cause you care about, writing letters. Volunteering with an animal shelter. Helping a neighbor with something small.
It's early days yet too ... four months is enough time to be over most of the physical changes but very early in the process of discovering what your sober life can be. It can be amazing.
Another sure-fire way to feel better is to help others ... does not have to be a big in-person volunteering thing, although that can be great. It can be posting online (here on SR or elsewhere) to support others. It can be supporting a cause you care about, writing letters. Volunteering with an animal shelter. Helping a neighbor with something small.
It's early days yet too ... four months is enough time to be over most of the physical changes but very early in the process of discovering what your sober life can be. It can be amazing.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
I agree with tursiops comment about volunteering. Things are difficult at the moment due to Covid, but that will gradually change. You said you live in a rural area so it may not work for you, but I think anytime you can give back and get outside of yourself, it helps enormously.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by Vaparkranger 
So I'm 4 months off the juice. Had a docs visit a few weeks after quitting and was deemed fit. I had spent the last four years drinking heavily and barely functioning through my job. I decided to quit during a huge ice storm where I drank myself out for a few days, then was activated for the second wave of the storm. Still have a case of beer and a half gallon of vodka in their normal resting places. Haven't come close to opening them..
So I am wondering NOW WHAT? I've been spending as much time as I can at work, have taken 20 pounds off the dogs through walks, cooked everything possible and am on like level 4500 on Candy Crush. I have cleaned, detailed and polished everything I can find.
So I am wondering NOW WHAT? I've been spending as much time as I can at work, have taken 20 pounds off the dogs through walks, cooked everything possible and am on like level 4500 on Candy Crush. I have cleaned, detailed and polished everything I can find.
It sounds like you’ve really put your alcohol dependency behind you. You can do the same with your recovery by making that deep personal vow to Never Drink Again. Then that’s done and over with. What you do with the alcohol is trivial. Offer the beer to guests, use the vodka to clean and disinfect. Or just throw it out.
After I wind down, usually while watching TV in bed, instead of feeling good about not drinking, I just feel stupid and worthless. I usually wake up feeling the same until I get my day going. I live in the country alone and am pretty introverted but am ok with it.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Part of it is regret for pissing away some of my life, but the rest is just an empty and worthless feeling. I should feel proud for having kept sober, but it's just not there. Any experiences would be appreciated
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Part of it is regret for pissing away some of my life, but the rest is just an empty and worthless feeling. I should feel proud for having kept sober, but it's just not there. Any experiences would be appreciated
I just checked the VA State Park website. LOTS of stuff going on over there. I think your job is the cat’s meow. Give your self some time and consider taking some risks into the socializing area. Now that you’ve become a permanent abstainer, you are much more trustworthy than you had been getting drunk. And polishing up your home sounds like you’re ready to have some folks over.
GT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I second everyone suggesting changes and new occupations, I would add not only the old work and chores, but things you enjoy and find engaging. Hobbies or just some bigger projects that are more complex than simple daily routine and maintenance. I quit a long-term job that was no longer inspiring and was mostly just used as a security blanket in the last couple years, I am on an extended vacation now that I greatly enjoy and I never took more time off working than max 2-3 weeks and that was rare, since I was 19 and am 47 now. Moved into a new home while getting rid of most of my old furniture and other stuff and am building my personal space almost from scratch, which is an ongoing project that engages my imagination and love to blend function and aesthetic. I also love technology and writing useful computer programs to solve problems or even for art work. But I need to do more physical things as well, so I am experimenting with different forms of exercise. Plan to go for a group meditation retreat with a great teacher later in the summer in a beautiful environment in the mountains and link it with a few days of more serious hiking - was hesitant about this because of COVID, but I am healthy and vaccinated, so what the heck, can't live locked in my city forever and will continue taking all the precautions. I also want to make some new friends outside of the pure virtual world and will try to use some professional learning/networking events to meet like-minded people as this usually works for me well - useful and enjoyable. If I had to summarize in one sentence: try to do things that are personally meaningful to you, whatever that means. I generally don't allow myself to dwell in negative mood states long and don't even like to talk about that too much as I find it only drags me down. Try not to ruminate on what's missing or wasted as it leads no progress, unless it's used to now catch up and do things differently. I often do something and the mood often evaporates before I even notice.
If you find you can't find anything enjoyable and/or don't have motivation, I would also suggest considering that perhaps you suffer from depression - that could totally change how I engaged in life in the past and there are many effective treatments. People (including myself in the past) often wait way too long and suffer with depression in silence and it's not necessary, it's not a fate we just need to accept these days.
If you find you can't find anything enjoyable and/or don't have motivation, I would also suggest considering that perhaps you suffer from depression - that could totally change how I engaged in life in the past and there are many effective treatments. People (including myself in the past) often wait way too long and suffer with depression in silence and it's not necessary, it's not a fate we just need to accept these days.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: casablanca
Posts: 282
You live in the country. Bordom and regreting the past are sure ways to slip back into old habits.
Zoom meetings can be a great way to get to know like minded people.
https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets...58&single=true
The first one is AA, the second one is budhist based recovery program which I enjoyed even though I am not budhist.
Zoom meetings can be a great way to get to know like minded people.
https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets...58&single=true
The first one is AA, the second one is budhist based recovery program which I enjoyed even though I am not budhist.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Cascabel
Vaparkranger, thanks for the post. I’m in much the same situation as you so I’ll be very interested in the responses you get. I’m 83, and live alone in the rural desert of SE Arizona. I’m sober, feel healthier for it and want to stay this way. But, always, lurking in the background, is the question of “why bother”.
My wife of 60 years died about 16 months ago and my grief over loosing her has, I’m sure, settled to where it will remain for the rest of my life. But when she died any sense of purpose in my life went with her. While she was living I took care of her, that was my purpose. Now, I face however many years remaining to me with no sense of purpose and not much to do that interests me. I read a lot, periodically write a blog, and watch Netflix sparingly; I don’t watch TV at all. I often think to myself that some level of oblivion would help pass the time. Along with that comes the thought “what difference would it make”.
I’ll be interested in hearing how others have dug themselves out of this mindset.
My wife of 60 years died about 16 months ago and my grief over loosing her has, I’m sure, settled to where it will remain for the rest of my life. But when she died any sense of purpose in my life went with her. While she was living I took care of her, that was my purpose. Now, I face however many years remaining to me with no sense of purpose and not much to do that interests me. I read a lot, periodically write a blog, and watch Netflix sparingly; I don’t watch TV at all. I often think to myself that some level of oblivion would help pass the time. Along with that comes the thought “what difference would it make”.
I’ll be interested in hearing how others have dug themselves out of this mindset.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I actually have a magical answer, but it is more science based.
Bottom line: Natural high.
I figure you feel what I am referring to, but haven't yet nailed it down.
Booze alters our natural ability to find the joy we naturally create in life. Walking the dog, seeing a sunrise, watching a bug crawl, eating a delicious piece of bread, doing some squat thrusts etc etc x infinity.
Ever wonder why a 4 year old is just happy for no reason. That is natural dopamine/endorphins/adrenaline.
I am still developing the ability to produce and appreciate this and I am clean for about 6 years.
I realized this early in my sobriety when I was feeling all weirded out and then went on a death defying water slide in the Bahamas, Atlantis. I got off that thing and I was totally cured of all mental weirdness. Then it wore off.
I also saw this while training in grappling. I still see this all the time now when working out, doing nice things, smiling, helping etc etc x infinity.
The sober world according to D122y.
I didn't invent this. SR taught me. Knowing is half the battle.
Love love love.
Thanks.
Bottom line: Natural high.
I figure you feel what I am referring to, but haven't yet nailed it down.
Booze alters our natural ability to find the joy we naturally create in life. Walking the dog, seeing a sunrise, watching a bug crawl, eating a delicious piece of bread, doing some squat thrusts etc etc x infinity.
Ever wonder why a 4 year old is just happy for no reason. That is natural dopamine/endorphins/adrenaline.
I am still developing the ability to produce and appreciate this and I am clean for about 6 years.
I realized this early in my sobriety when I was feeling all weirded out and then went on a death defying water slide in the Bahamas, Atlantis. I got off that thing and I was totally cured of all mental weirdness. Then it wore off.
I also saw this while training in grappling. I still see this all the time now when working out, doing nice things, smiling, helping etc etc x infinity.
The sober world according to D122y.
I didn't invent this. SR taught me. Knowing is half the battle.
Love love love.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Vaparkranger
So I'm 4 months off the juice. Had a docs visit a few weeks after quitting and was deemed fit. I had spent the last four years drinking heavily and barely functioning through my job. I decided to quit during a huge ice storm where I drank myself out for a few days, then was activated for the second wave of the storm. Still have a case of beer and a half gallon of vodka in their normal resting places. Haven't come close to opening them.
So I am wondering NOW WHAT? I've been spending as much time as I can at work, have taken 20 pounds off the dogs through walks, cooked everything possible and am on like level 4500 on Candy Crush. I have cleaned, detailed and polished everything I can find.
After I wind down, usually while watching TV in bed, instead of feeling good about not drinking, I just feel stupid and worthless. I usually wake up feeling the same until I get my day going. I live in the country alone and am pretty introverted but am ok with it.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Part of it is regret for pissing away some of my life, but the rest is just an empty and worthless feeling. I should feel proud for having kept sober, but it's just not there. Any experiences would be appreciated
So I am wondering NOW WHAT? I've been spending as much time as I can at work, have taken 20 pounds off the dogs through walks, cooked everything possible and am on like level 4500 on Candy Crush. I have cleaned, detailed and polished everything I can find.
After I wind down, usually while watching TV in bed, instead of feeling good about not drinking, I just feel stupid and worthless. I usually wake up feeling the same until I get my day going. I live in the country alone and am pretty introverted but am ok with it.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Part of it is regret for pissing away some of my life, but the rest is just an empty and worthless feeling. I should feel proud for having kept sober, but it's just not there. Any experiences would be appreciated
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Hi Vaparkranger! And congrats on 4 months sober!
Four months is still quite early, it takes time for the brain to recover from consistent toxic abuse and to regain its ability to produce the chemicals that make you feel good ...just by doing "normal stuff".
If I left it at "give it time", this would be half-advice. While you do need to give it time, it's best if this giving comes in the form of activity.
I'm soon 2 years sober and when I look back at the first year, there are some notable aspects that might speak to your situation. For instance, although these activities weren't physical, I was never out of one. My situation of how I got to sober up was this: I was at university doing a PhD programme - since I drank very often, I never made any progress and was basically told as much after spending 2,5 years of searching for answers I was never going to find in the places I looked. When I was essentially told to take a hike, I'd been at the university for like 7 years. That was my life - drinking, being 'less than' and gripping on to that university spot through different degrees, because without that particular outlet, my life literally included no other activity with potential for meaning. Curiously, after I was given the option to either leave or go away... I thought I'd feel horrbile, since that one straw was taken away. The opposite was somehow true. I felt a sense of relief, because I no longer had to go through the motions of swimming upstream towards something I wasn't even sure I wanted. I also got a freelance job of doing translations (connected with my degree and "I knew a guy"). I was pretty bad at it in the beginning. But the sense of relief continued and 3 months after being told to p off, I quit drinking. My university stay was the ball and the drinking was the chain.
Like you, I had to find efficient "time sinks", which also included some phone games, then the translating (if there was work), but I also didn't give up on the research ideas. Through luck, I had made an acquaintance at another institute (not my original degree etc) and that person told me to keep pushing so that "the bastads wouldn't win". I did. With my newly found but incredibly nervous early-sobriety-energy, I managed to do my freelance work AND continue doing research. The big difference was that the same ideas I had at the "old place" at which they were deemed to be worse than crap, worked out under the tutelage of a good (unofficial) supervisor. So I was at the wrong place for years, doing the wrong things for me, and drinking. I was stubborn and never even considered voluntarily leaving even though I hated most things about my situation - because ....? Because that was the only thing I had with any meaning and I was mortified if I even tried to consider something else.
It worked out that ... I kept sinking my time into translations and got better at it over time, which meant that work-for-money was somewhat more steady; I kept sinking my nervous energy into small research projects which I got to discuss with the then-unofficial angel-of-a-supervisor - progress in that area gave me hope that I wasn't a lost cause. Where am I now? Well, I am about a month away from submitting the first iteration of my completed PhD thesis and the institute just hired me! The translation work withered away, but I kept it up long enough to survive until this steady job. I've never missed a deadline, because I'm sober. I've done things such as give lectures, which I never thought I'd do (because I'm a mega-introvert).
I hope my story gives some hope
The gist of it is that ...give it time, but fill that time with activities. You can create goals for yourself and then be 'religious' about them. For instance, take that "1001 books you should read before you die" list and have at it, set up a daily reading regimen; or enrol in an online course and follow it through to the end.
When I look back at the first year and the second year, the only thing that really kept me on track was activity - not pushing myself beyond what I could do, but keeping my time filled with things to focus on. I think we tend to assume meaning has to precede action, i.e. "I'm not doing this because it has no meaning". Why can't it be the other way around, you know? Why not just "do something" and discover that it creates meaning for you. Meaning you didn't know could be created Admittedly, my own sober existence has been rather "straightforward" with respect to the activities that I described, i.e. the majority of my time is eaten up by these few 'larger' things. But I try to now make time to watch good series on TV and I still (hush-hush) play games on my computer. I give myself breaks and you should, too. And breaks feel a whole lot better after activities 
Best of luck!
K
Four months is still quite early, it takes time for the brain to recover from consistent toxic abuse and to regain its ability to produce the chemicals that make you feel good ...just by doing "normal stuff".
If I left it at "give it time", this would be half-advice. While you do need to give it time, it's best if this giving comes in the form of activity.
I'm soon 2 years sober and when I look back at the first year, there are some notable aspects that might speak to your situation. For instance, although these activities weren't physical, I was never out of one. My situation of how I got to sober up was this: I was at university doing a PhD programme - since I drank very often, I never made any progress and was basically told as much after spending 2,5 years of searching for answers I was never going to find in the places I looked. When I was essentially told to take a hike, I'd been at the university for like 7 years. That was my life - drinking, being 'less than' and gripping on to that university spot through different degrees, because without that particular outlet, my life literally included no other activity with potential for meaning. Curiously, after I was given the option to either leave or go away... I thought I'd feel horrbile, since that one straw was taken away. The opposite was somehow true. I felt a sense of relief, because I no longer had to go through the motions of swimming upstream towards something I wasn't even sure I wanted. I also got a freelance job of doing translations (connected with my degree and "I knew a guy"). I was pretty bad at it in the beginning. But the sense of relief continued and 3 months after being told to p off, I quit drinking. My university stay was the ball and the drinking was the chain.
Like you, I had to find efficient "time sinks", which also included some phone games, then the translating (if there was work), but I also didn't give up on the research ideas. Through luck, I had made an acquaintance at another institute (not my original degree etc) and that person told me to keep pushing so that "the bastads wouldn't win". I did. With my newly found but incredibly nervous early-sobriety-energy, I managed to do my freelance work AND continue doing research. The big difference was that the same ideas I had at the "old place" at which they were deemed to be worse than crap, worked out under the tutelage of a good (unofficial) supervisor. So I was at the wrong place for years, doing the wrong things for me, and drinking. I was stubborn and never even considered voluntarily leaving even though I hated most things about my situation - because ....? Because that was the only thing I had with any meaning and I was mortified if I even tried to consider something else.
It worked out that ... I kept sinking my time into translations and got better at it over time, which meant that work-for-money was somewhat more steady; I kept sinking my nervous energy into small research projects which I got to discuss with the then-unofficial angel-of-a-supervisor - progress in that area gave me hope that I wasn't a lost cause. Where am I now? Well, I am about a month away from submitting the first iteration of my completed PhD thesis and the institute just hired me! The translation work withered away, but I kept it up long enough to survive until this steady job. I've never missed a deadline, because I'm sober. I've done things such as give lectures, which I never thought I'd do (because I'm a mega-introvert).
I hope my story gives some hope
The gist of it is that ...give it time, but fill that time with activities. You can create goals for yourself and then be 'religious' about them. For instance, take that "1001 books you should read before you die" list and have at it, set up a daily reading regimen; or enrol in an online course and follow it through to the end.When I look back at the first year and the second year, the only thing that really kept me on track was activity - not pushing myself beyond what I could do, but keeping my time filled with things to focus on. I think we tend to assume meaning has to precede action, i.e. "I'm not doing this because it has no meaning". Why can't it be the other way around, you know? Why not just "do something" and discover that it creates meaning for you. Meaning you didn't know could be created
Admittedly, my own sober existence has been rather "straightforward" with respect to the activities that I described, i.e. the majority of my time is eaten up by these few 'larger' things. But I try to now make time to watch good series on TV and I still (hush-hush) play games on my computer. I give myself breaks and you should, too. And breaks feel a whole lot better after activities Best of luck!
K
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I really needed purpose.
Helping people, giving back after so many years of taking, was fundamental to me.
I found it here @SR, amongst other places, but purpose can be anything and can be found anywhere.
D
Helping people, giving back after so many years of taking, was fundamental to me.
I found it here @SR, amongst other places, but purpose can be anything and can be found anywhere.
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Part of it is regret for pissing away some of my life, but the rest is just an empty and worthless feeling. I should feel proud for having kept sober, but it's just not there. Any experiences would be appreciated
Now I constantly find things to be grateful for, even the tiniest things. And I find since I made gratitude part of my life, I am a lot happier than I used to be. I cannot emphasize enough what a huge difference it's made in my life. My attitude is much healthier. I don't feel depressed like I used to. Try it for a while. It's helped keep me sober and sane the last 11 yrs.
Here's an article about the benefits of practicing gratitude.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Now you do the real work.
Sobriety just gives us our life back, maybe for the first time. Once I got sober I realized that all the crap, the obstacles, bad habits, regrets, ill health, money issues, relationships, plans, everything - it was just sitting there waiting for me. It was time to finally get to work. Personally a truly committed weight lifting and meditation plan has been the base of the life I am trying to lead. Some days are better than others. I'm still the guy who lived a life in the bottles, avoiding, escaping etc. But, like you, I now have the time and space and energy to see if many I can't have a life of meaning, value and reward. Some days it's just chopping wood and carrying water. Some days it's the most beautiful revelation of life's depth. Other days it's probably something in the middle.
Congrats on getting sober, where the real work starts.
Sobriety just gives us our life back, maybe for the first time. Once I got sober I realized that all the crap, the obstacles, bad habits, regrets, ill health, money issues, relationships, plans, everything - it was just sitting there waiting for me. It was time to finally get to work. Personally a truly committed weight lifting and meditation plan has been the base of the life I am trying to lead. Some days are better than others. I'm still the guy who lived a life in the bottles, avoiding, escaping etc. But, like you, I now have the time and space and energy to see if many I can't have a life of meaning, value and reward. Some days it's just chopping wood and carrying water. Some days it's the most beautiful revelation of life's depth. Other days it's probably something in the middle.
Congrats on getting sober, where the real work starts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 6
Thanks for all the suggestions and advice. Reading others stories help as well. Closest AA is over an hour away, and tbh, I don't think it would really click with me. I appreciate all of you taking time out of your day to write me. Thank you.
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