ZIP

Give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing it... and thinking it through. Don't let the BS comments get you down. The longer I stay AF the less time I devote to annoying people. Nice work on 27 days.

C0ntr0ls

Sorry, I didn't read all the posts above.
Which came first, the anger or the drinking? I ask because with me, drinking I think caused me to get angry easier even if I wasn't drinking right then.
Now that I have a bit of time away from the barley-pops, I don't get angry/pissed off like I use to.

adrunk42long

Thanks Zip! I appreciate it

adrunk42long

Good Morning!
Not bringing yesterday's anger into today!
Thanks you all for your post! It seems like anger and resentments are pretty common in sobriety!

adrunk42long

Thank you Bim! Ya I definitely have ego issues!
One day at a time!

adrunk42long

Anna! Thank you! 👍

adrunk42long

Driguy! My days of popping someone in the nose are long behind me! Thanks

adrunk42long

Thank you Dee! I am grateful to be able to come here and vent and get good advice!

DriGuy

Like you, I believe the drinking comes first.

We can explore the dynamics of causality in situations like this: "Which came first the chicken or the egg?" But I think that's a distraction. Maybe anger is a trigger. But the problem is always the drinking, because if there were no drinking, there could be no triggers. Let's look at it by turning the statement around: If there were no triggers, there would be no drinking. Which one places the responsibility where it belongs?

Adrunk42 should be commended for handling it appropriately, he dealt with the bigger problem first. He didn't drink. Get that done, and then you can deal with the triggers as they show up. I view triggers as excuses to drink, not the causes to drink. It's the AV doing the thinking when it identifies the trigger as the problem.

Aellyce

Adrunk - I think similar anger / ruminating on what other people said or did in self-defeating ways is one of the most common issues people struggle with in recovery. Because of it, most of the popular organized recovery programs have some ways to address and help this. I know of at least three: AA has part of the steps, SMART has a section called Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors, Recovery Dharma has it integrated in its value system and meditations, maybe there is more. Anger, resentments and dealing with interpersonal challenges is probably the most common thing discussed in those recovery meetings as well, and people seem to like the tools that are designed to target them. Look into some of those if you haven't yet and this is a recurring challenge for you.

I believe some people are just more sensitive to this than others, don't think it's always simply just caused by drinking, perhaps more exacerbated. Not really a problem for me personally, but I did notice that I became somewhat more irritable in early sobriety - I think it's just the brain adjusting to its new state and it'll subside with time, especially if you learn to manage your emotions and reactions in new ways. I also think that anger can be used quite directly and proactively as a powerful motivator for change. If you feel dissatisfied with certain people's reactions and conditions in your life and feel that you deserve better/different, you could use the intense emotions to inspire you to change the situation: be more assertive, find a more satisfying a fair environment, or just learn to change how you react to irrational thoughts. I think it's always good to do some assessment first and see whether it is really something unfair, or you react to it strongly because the criticism hits some sore spots, so in the second case I would work on why they are "sore" and try to change that.

Almost banal, but I think resentments also often accumulate when people do not find a way to release that energy/feeling and just keep swallowing and bottling it up, allow others to manipulate and treat them unfairly (manipulators and bullies often recognize the most vulnerable targets well) - I think this is a whole different area, but if it resonates, definitely good to work on it some.

Delilah1

Nicely done taking a step back and reflecting on how you are feeling, but not addressing it in that moment. I have learned that when I have given myself time prior to responding to a situation my response is much better, and at times, it isn’t needed because something will have happened to have resolved how I was feeling in the moment. It isn’t always possible, but I try to give myself a few hours before responding to a stressful situation.

Also, nicely done posting here, and congrats on what is now 28 days!!

Mizz

I think people in general have a hard time when we hear words that are hurtful and inflammatory.

Yesterday, I lacked patience with a situation and it resulted in anger. My lack of patience and subsequent anger resulted in another person getting angry. Needless to say it was an all over mess for a few minutes. I could say it was the other person who angered me but this is not true. I am responsible for all my emotions and I can choose to feel them or not. I do not have as much control as I would like over my emotions. I do not have a lot of patience at times. I think having "control" over our emotions is a skill and I have yet to master it. Emotions are tricky and they can run us over. I have been practicing not taking things personally and knowing that peoples words are just opinions and it is none of my business what other people think of me. What I think of myself and what I give is what matters...

What I have gathered from your situation is that you were hurt by this person. You give a lot to this individual. Perhaps you are giving more than you need too? I don't know. I do know that it is normal to feel angry. Normal to feel an emotion. We are adjusted to escaping our feelings though. Non alcoholics and alcoholics escape too. Its the work of warrior to deal with the emotion and to find a better way. You are not alone and I THANK YOU for sharing.

You are doing this!

adrunk42long

Thank you Delilah! Yes taking a step back was very helpful! Yes day 28 today!

ciowa

Welcome. I used to struggle with anger. Im closer to 2 years sober than 1 year and I've found that my anger has diminished in many ways. The thing is, I still get angry from time to time and thats ok. I just dont have the seething energy about it that would send me into confrontations or drunk ranting/fighting with someone over something that happened a week or 2 prior.

Im a little more physically active and I try to practice mindfulness/ gratitude and things like that as much as possible. I've also learned that a lot of anger is a more superficial reaction for deeper emotions, at least for me. But dont get me wrong, I still think there are times to defend oneself or stick up for ourselves but its usually better if we can find a constructive way to do it. I think thats just better all the way around.

Part of my fear in getting into recovery is that I had a fear. My fear was that if I let go of my anger, I would have to be a monk and people would walk all over me. I felt it would make me vulnerable in a way that gave me a lot of fear. For my recovery, Ive come to find the path for me is to try to have balance in my life and peace of mind if possible. Its possible to stick up for yourself and be at peace with that decision but to do it in the best, balanced way you can manage. At least thats what works for me.

Scd619x

Is there an anger management course that you can get yourself on asap? I wouldn't advise a journey into Ego at 27 days just deal with things like any other person would at the moment. You've got plenty of time to go on the spiritual or religious trips.

Mizz

Emotions are really interesting. There are so many of them and we all have certain emotions that we gravitate towards more than others. Anger is one that I spent some time in. Angry at one situation after another. When I realized that I gravitated towards anger and intolerance more often than not I started to work on that part of myself. Being conscious of those parts of ourselves really helps to change the dynamic. I still get angry. I still feel a lot. One step at a time to better myself. It is good that you shared this. You are not alone.

enaiddes

What I get from this is YOU DIDNT DRINK and you should be patting yourself on the back vigorously ! Anger is my downfall as well, although I’ve ceased drinking over it in my advanced years. But still anger has been a terrible threat to my peace of mind in so many ways.

Over-reacting is my modus operendi and I’ve always been that way and cant seem to help myself on that score.

I’ve also never been able to accept criticism, especially if it’s delivered with any kind of attitude. But you’re at an advantage over me because you know your triggers. I do know though that being disrespected definitely gets me going.

Don’t apologize - and keep ranting - it will really help you and the rest of us.