adrunk42long

Wow! I just learned that anger is a big trigger for me! I
I Should know this by now and it shouldn't come as any surprise! I have had problems with my anger before!

Someone I help a lot with things basically told me by his actions that he doesn't trust my skills or abilities! This really pissed me off !
I am about to tell this person if I can't be trusted then please don't ask for my help again!

I know I am over reacting but damn this has set me off!
I would have been drinking over this if I didn't work so damn hard to get these 27 days sober!
Something about not being trusted or feeling like I am not good enough really pushes my buttons! I need to be careful with this!
Sorry for the rant!

biminiblue

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
=
HALT (if you're undergoing any of the above and wanting to drink, recognize it and deal with it in another way other than a drink.)

It's not a recovery acronym for nothin'.

Good job coming here to vent.

No one is worth giving up your sobriety for, and yeah, resentments are big deals to alcoholics. They can kill us. If a resentment caused me to drink, that would be very dangerous.

There are a lot better ways...

I'm glad you realized this so you can figure out ways to side-step it in the future. There are many online articles and resources to help deal with resentments.

adrunk42long

Thank you Bim! I am very familiar with HALT!
I think it is something about not being trusted is a real trigger for me! I need to look into this further!

biminiblue

Well, sure. Ego. Pride.

Have you read Alcoholics Anonymous (known as the big book?) It's free on their website. Resentments are big deals to the ego and alcoholics tend to be very ego-centric.


Ask me how I know... I struggle with ego, but I'm a whole lot better at letting stuff go. Most stuff isn't worth threatening my hard-won serenity.

Anna

Yeah, I agree with Bim. Ego is very tricky and I, also, have struggles with ego. I had to learn to not let what others thought of me, affect my serenity. There will always be people who trigger you, but being aware is huge step in taking care of yourself.

Cascabel

Perhaps the person you spend time helping was having a bad day. Think about just taking a bit of time off then push the restart switch. If it doesn’t work out then all you’ve lost is a little time. Like you implied, it’s nothing worth drinking over.

adrunk42long

Yes Bim I have read it before but I think it would be good for me to go back and read it another time or two! Thank you as always

adrunk42long

Thank you Anna! You are so correct!

adrunk42long

Thanks Cascabel! Yes I need to step back so I don't say or do something I will regret !

Hevyn

adrunk - It's so good to talk about these things - good job.
For me, any emotion seemed to be a trigger. I don't know why I felt the need to calm myself down all the time - it's unnatural.
I think maybe we're a little defensive in early recovery. I know I was. Possibly because we know we've not been at our best when drinking. I was extra sensitive to any type of criticism. (I'm sure that person's distrust wasn't warranted though!)

adrunk42long

Hevyn Thank you! Yes it is good to talk about it for sure! I know enough about my personality to know it doesn't take much to push my buttons!
God knows I wasn't trustworthy or very reliable when I was actively drinking! I just need to step back and take some deep breath's!

stickyone

Anger for me too is a big trigger. I find it easier when the person that causes this anger be removed from my circle or I just avoid them. Then you got those times when it's the people closest to you that causes this anger. I used to suppress alot of my anger and emotions now that I am sober when I get angry I get angry . But it's part of my growing process to review what has caused this anger and do I have any part that I can work on my part

DriGuy

Well, at least you didn't pop in the nose,although it's pretty easy not to do that, but the hard part, as others have pointed out over, and over is letting go of your resentment, and that's the part with the much bigger payoff.

Dee74

Talking it through as you did here is absolutely the right thing to do AD42long.
People say and think dumb stuff- try not to let it rent too much space in your head

D

D122y

I think part of the brain damage I had/have from booze causes my anger.

I used to get so worked up over things. Sometimes I was fine, other times I would just flip out.

Folks that were close to me, like my wife or coworkers, knew this and would often handle me carefully.

Basically, I was super unpredictable. Crazy might be another word.

As I healed or rewired, whatever, I started to become aware of this.

In my case, I found it was part of my fight or flight response. I would go into my reptile mind versus staying analytical.

I was into grappling when I first quit and this was a blessing. That is because no matter how mad I would get grappling, when I was exhausted (which took me about 3 minutes of intense grappling) my anger made me less effective.

That is my story.

These days I feel a ton of remorse towards the people I used to be crazy around. Most of them still look at me a little sideways, because once the cat is out of the bag, there is no putting it back in.

But, I pray for forgiveness and also forgive. That is all I can do. I have apologised and thanked many folks for their patience as well.

That is all I got for now.

Thanks.

least

A good book to help deal with such things is The Daily Stoic, by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman. It gives wisdom from the Stoic philosophy and I've found its advice very valuable. Such as not reacting to events outside ourselves.

And besides, like your signature says, there's nothing worth taking that first drink.

silentrun

Anger is awesome for motivating us to change. Beyond that it us useless as well as destructive. Its been a huge problem for me lately. About the only thing that works is trying to get out of my head by reading here.

silentrun

Thanks for the suggestion. Any tips on how to not react?

least

It took me years to learn in my heart that the only thing I am responsible for is how I react to circumstances. I used to get offended easily and react badly. Now I take the time to think things thru and decide how I'm going to react, if at all. It would have saved me a lot of grief to have understood this in my 20s and 30s, but it took time and experience for me to learn that simple lesson.

The Daily Stoic is full of good advice on living with and dealing with adversity and trauma. I can't recommend it enough. It makes so much sense.

Surrendered19

I think others are right AD42L that our egos and pride get in the way sometimes. And I really work on being humble as a major part of my recovery. But I also do not have relationships any longer with people who don't love and respect me. The group of people in my life who can hurt me is now very very small. I have fewer relationships but they are of a high quality. I let folks walk all over me for most of my life and that is no way to live either. You don't have to be combative in any way. All I am saying is that you can insist on respect even when people are giving you constructive feedback.