Need to survive vacation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 6
Need to survive vacation
I'm on a road trip with my wife. Visiting family. They are all drinkers. I feel I need to return home and get away from this environment and start my journey of not drinking. My wife thinks I'm just crabby and ruining her vacation and tells me to man up. She is a drinker but can maintain control. I haven't slept for 2 days and am just looking for some support.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
I'm sorry this is a stressful event for you. I think it's important, in early recovery, to put your sobriety first. Have you considered not going on the road trip? If you decide to go, plan ahead as much as possible. What will you do when the others are drinking? Are there children in the picture that you could spend time with? Going out for a long walk could be a good option or trying to find a quiet spot where you can be away from the others.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
yeah, it sounds like you're worried you are going to drink?
Like Anna said, once you get there start finding ways to disengage from the drinking. If you drive, go into town. Take a walk along a river or around the neighborhood, watch TV in your room. I find drinkers to be difficult now that I don't drink so I just stay away from them on vacation.
I have to put my sobriety first. If something threatens that, I am able to walk away from it. You can make it through this. I don't engage in arguments with people who drink, it's a waste of time and it just irritates me.
Like Anna said, once you get there start finding ways to disengage from the drinking. If you drive, go into town. Take a walk along a river or around the neighborhood, watch TV in your room. I find drinkers to be difficult now that I don't drink so I just stay away from them on vacation.
I have to put my sobriety first. If something threatens that, I am able to walk away from it. You can make it through this. I don't engage in arguments with people who drink, it's a waste of time and it just irritates me.
Hangovers Suck!
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southeastern U.S.
Posts: 176
We are here for you! I totally understand how hard it can be to be the non-drinker around a family of drinkers. My own extended family is a bunch of gregarious partiers at our gatherings.
Maybe you and your wife can have a heart-to-heart discussion and she can come to understand your struggle? I know it is hard to have a spouse that is a "normal" drinker that just doesn't get it.
For me, I simply decline when offered a drink and don't make a big deal of it. I enjoy interactions and conversations - but decline the booze. You have no obligation to explain, unless you want to. Some drinkers can be jerks about it, but in my experience, most understand. Plus, they don't know that iced beverage in your hand is clear water, iced tea or a soft drink.
There were times back when I was attempting to moderate, where I didn't drink for extended periods, and when asked by family prior to a visit if I'd like for them to pick up beverages for me, I told them "no thanks - I'm giving my body a break from the booze" - and they respected my decision.
Hopefully your family won't be obnoxious about it. Stay calm and do what you must do to remain sober and enjoy a hangover-freer vacation and have fun.
Maybe you and your wife can have a heart-to-heart discussion and she can come to understand your struggle? I know it is hard to have a spouse that is a "normal" drinker that just doesn't get it.
For me, I simply decline when offered a drink and don't make a big deal of it. I enjoy interactions and conversations - but decline the booze. You have no obligation to explain, unless you want to. Some drinkers can be jerks about it, but in my experience, most understand. Plus, they don't know that iced beverage in your hand is clear water, iced tea or a soft drink.
There were times back when I was attempting to moderate, where I didn't drink for extended periods, and when asked by family prior to a visit if I'd like for them to pick up beverages for me, I told them "no thanks - I'm giving my body a break from the booze" - and they respected my decision.
Hopefully your family won't be obnoxious about it. Stay calm and do what you must do to remain sober and enjoy a hangover-freer vacation and have fun.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 56
This |Man up| - attitude I don\t know where it comes from but I had a relationship of over 2 yrs where I was called a spoilsport or a duck-in-between if I even had the guts to propose that I appear there sober... I should have, and this is why I ditched this so-called Lady of mine times ago.
Vacation is a time of rest, often those times may remind of active alcohol drunken times as well. I hope this helps at all but I feel strongly relating to your issue here.
Vacation is a time of rest, often those times may remind of active alcohol drunken times as well. I hope this helps at all but I feel strongly relating to your issue here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 6
I have a very hard time not drinking because I know I will feel better temporarily. I think it's worth it at the time and then later in the night get hit with the anxiety insomnia etc. I love my wife very much but she doesn't understand the battle. I've tried to explain to no avail. I just want to return home......
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I just want to return home......
Other people don't understand but that's okay. You do. Don't drink. Do what it takes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
Tools I've used for dealing with environments where there's a lot of drinking:
1. Have an exit strategy. Perhaps you can't just leave and go home, but you might be able to take breaks that physically remove you from the drinking environment -- like taking a walk or retiring to a bedroom for a guided meditation on YouTube.
2. Pray. Find a place where you can be alone with the door closed, get on your knees, and ask God (or whatever works for you as a Higher Power -- "Great Spirit", "Higher Mind", "Cosmic Consciousness", etc.) to remove your disturbance and direct your attention to positive thoughts & actions -- perhaps even including thoughts of how you might be of service to your family during this weekend (remembering that sometimes our greatest service can be just keeping our mouth shut and not splattering our loved ones with our negativity [I'm still working on this one after 18+ years of recovery]).
3. Fellowship. Make time for at least one A.A. meeting each day -- preferably live, but at least via Zoom. Call your sponsor each day. Work your A.A. rolodex. If you don't do or have any of these, consider incorporating them into your recovery.
1. Have an exit strategy. Perhaps you can't just leave and go home, but you might be able to take breaks that physically remove you from the drinking environment -- like taking a walk or retiring to a bedroom for a guided meditation on YouTube.
2. Pray. Find a place where you can be alone with the door closed, get on your knees, and ask God (or whatever works for you as a Higher Power -- "Great Spirit", "Higher Mind", "Cosmic Consciousness", etc.) to remove your disturbance and direct your attention to positive thoughts & actions -- perhaps even including thoughts of how you might be of service to your family during this weekend (remembering that sometimes our greatest service can be just keeping our mouth shut and not splattering our loved ones with our negativity [I'm still working on this one after 18+ years of recovery]).
3. Fellowship. Make time for at least one A.A. meeting each day -- preferably live, but at least via Zoom. Call your sponsor each day. Work your A.A. rolodex. If you don't do or have any of these, consider incorporating them into your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
We are here and we are listening as you see.
Whatever you do just don't drink.
"man up?" That's pretty rough. Ruining "her" vacation? That's pretty selfish. Was she drinking when she said these things?
What about Your vacation? What about Your sobriety?
Time to do what you need to do for You and Your sobriety.
If there is no way out what I do in those situations is people watch. Watch them drink and act the fool then listen to the moaning and complaining the next morning while I enjoy the day hangover free.
You can get through this. Just don't drink. You will be that much stronger on the other side.
Whatever you do just don't drink.
"man up?" That's pretty rough. Ruining "her" vacation? That's pretty selfish. Was she drinking when she said these things?
What about Your vacation? What about Your sobriety?
Time to do what you need to do for You and Your sobriety.
If there is no way out what I do in those situations is people watch. Watch them drink and act the fool then listen to the moaning and complaining the next morning while I enjoy the day hangover free.
You can get through this. Just don't drink. You will be that much stronger on the other side.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
You are an adult. You decide what you will and won’t do. Setting healthy boundaries is part of getting and staying sober. If your wife doesn’t understand that, then that would appear to be her problem. You problem is staying sober. Sobriety must be protected AT ALL COSTS. Without it we can not live in peace.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Not only are you not alone but many of us have been through the exact scenario. The best advice, and what worked for me several times, is the plan and visualize. Plan to take a walk, go to be early, read a book, watch a show, call a friend, take in the sights, workout, sleep - have things that you can do instead of drinking. And then what helped me immeasurably is actually visualizing doing those things instead of drinking. It gives you the peace of mind that you will be able to choose not to drink and the confidence that you will make the decisions not to drink. It can be done, even amidst drinkers at parties etc, and you can do it too. Use SR as a check-in and come here if you need some support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Really sorry you have found yourself in that situation. Vacations are a minefield for early sobriety, especially visiting with family and all the social anxiety. Sounds like you are already on the road., but it's unclear from your first post if you already quit drinking or not. You said you wanted to go home and "start your sober journey". Was your wife aware of your plans to quit before you left on the trip? If not, then it probably blindsided her.
I would say if you ALREADY had quit at some point before leaving, your wife knew it, and your sobriety is now at risk, then as the others said - do what you need to do to protect it, even if it means getting out of there, doing other things on your own, staying in a hotel, or maybe going home. It's too bad your wife is not supportive, but most women can drive these days. However, that is a pretty drastic action to take and will probably throw her.
But if you are STILL drinking, and just don't want to be around them because it makes it worse, well I totally get that but she probably doesn't. In my personal experience, when visiting friends and family, my past partners always just wanted to have a fun and uneventful time. Not told by me that I was suddenly setting new guidelines, which I did on more than one occasion.
In any case, as others suggested, you can minimize your exposure to their drinking, bring non alc drinks, go to bed early, etc.
Hang in there, stay close here and keep us updated.
I would say if you ALREADY had quit at some point before leaving, your wife knew it, and your sobriety is now at risk, then as the others said - do what you need to do to protect it, even if it means getting out of there, doing other things on your own, staying in a hotel, or maybe going home. It's too bad your wife is not supportive, but most women can drive these days. However, that is a pretty drastic action to take and will probably throw her.
But if you are STILL drinking, and just don't want to be around them because it makes it worse, well I totally get that but she probably doesn't. In my personal experience, when visiting friends and family, my past partners always just wanted to have a fun and uneventful time. Not told by me that I was suddenly setting new guidelines, which I did on more than one occasion.
In any case, as others suggested, you can minimize your exposure to their drinking, bring non alc drinks, go to bed early, etc.
Hang in there, stay close here and keep us updated.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Originally Posted by Lostsoul60 
I have a very hard time not drinking because I know I will feel better temporarily. I think it's worth it at the time and then later in the night get hit with the anxiety insomnia etc. I love my wife very much but she doesn't understand the battle. I've tried to explain to no avail. I just want to return home......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 6
Survived whiskey row in Prescott with wife and old friends last night. Drank soda and lime...went to bed early and slept....😁...feel good today...going for day 2 today...you folks give me strength.....thank you
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
