Icandothis2013

Day 4 and I don’t think I’m over withdrawal. I still feel exhausted and nauseous. I am overwhelmed by my work which I need to do quickly to cover my debts. My son has said he’s not going back to University unless I pay off his overdraft of £5000 which I am not doing. So he will drop out, lose his student accommodation and in all likelihood turn to crime. As my friend says, I just need to ‘park’ all thoughts of this elsewhere and move on with my life. I’m not going to drink though as that would solve nothing.

tornrealization

Withdrawals can take awhile. I felt like it took 3 weeks to no longer have night sweats. Things generally took 3-4 days for improvement phase 1, but it’s not close to being completely done. so hang in there!

I see you’re still in constant worry about your son, and you just gave him 500, now he needs 5000..... this endless requests of money and holding that over you isn’t going to end. It won’t solve all his problems that led him to this point. People can take time off college and resume later without resorting to a life of crime. They can get at job and build a life. They can resume studies later.

It really is time to work on yourself first, heal and get some clarity. Let him deal with his own life choice consequences. It will be hard but you have no control over his behavior.

ScottFromWI

Withdrawals can take a while, but they definitely don't last forever. Your friend is right - you need to focus on yourself. Regarding your son, remember that you have a restraining order in place to prevent the very activity that is taking place now. And he's already violated it once by you giving him the $500 yesterday. He's broken the law, you need to report it to the police. It is to protect you when you don't feel strong enough to protect yourself - please us it so you can focus on getting better.

Erica375

Hang in there, Icadothis! I agree that your son can put his education on hold, get a job, and fix his own life.

As parents, it gets to the point where we can't kiss every boo-boo and always make everything better. £5000 is a lot of money. Hold your ground!

novips

It is important to know that drinking will solve nothing (or, to put it another way, that there's nothing so bad that a drink won't make it worse). But for me, I also need to know that this knowledge is insufficient to keep me sober. As the Big Book says, lack of power is my dilemma -- and I lack the power to stay sober on the basis of self-knowledge alone (that's one of the things that defines my alcoholism). So, where do I find the Power that can keep me sober? For me, I find that power via (1) A.A. meetings, (2) the steps of A.A., and (3) the service work of A.A.

Anna

Good job on Day 4. I did find that Day 5 was quite a turning point for me, so hang in there.

Try to focus on your recovery and allow your son to find his way.

advbike

No one paid for my college, I had to work first. It took 10 years before I completed my Bachelors degree and another 10 before I completed my Masters. I didn't turn to a life of crime, I worked my ass off. He is an adult now and can figure out how he will make it.

uncle holmes

Your recovery has to come first! Even before your work, debts, your son....For if you don't have sobriety, you won't have anything ese! Your life depends on your sobriety! It's the most important thing! If your son turns to crime, then it's his choice! Hopefully he won't! But if he does, then he has to pay the consequences, not you! I know plenty of people without a college degree or skilled trades who are making it! They may not be rich, but they're living within their means and if they're a hard worker, they'll be fine! Many times they'll get trained on the job and be at least a semi-skilled worker with a better salary!

Be careful with the stress at your work! Especially in early recovery! Develop skills on learning how to recognize the stress and backing off from it! Continue to post here and find the recovery method that is the best fit for you! The best fit for me is this forum combined the the AA recovery program/meetings/zoom meetings! Good luck!

D122y

Prayers for your success through your difficult circumstances. I have no advice because I am just blessed at the moment. We all know that could change in a blink.

Prayers.

If I could get away with drinking until I was sick and then clean up in a few minutes I would still be drinking.

The whole reason I quit was because after 3 months i was still feeling like an insane person.

My reason to quit started as an attempt to enhance my performance in grappling training.

My wife was ok with me drinking myself to death as was my family. They all would just shake their heads and awkwardly smile.

So in a way, I was lucky. I had no financial/family/legal issues making me quit. I would have been able to drink myself to an early death.

Suffering and time. Any decision to drink is a relapse.

Exercise and sweets helped me alot. Sweets trick the brain. Now is not the time to go on a diet.

Thanks.

Dee74

You are not an ATM for your son. Let him make his choices and deal with the consequences of those choices ICDT.

D

CaptainCrow

Hey now that's a big old catastrophe that you've flung in there. Suddenly we've gone from you not paying your son's debt to him turning to a life of crime via no causative steps whatsoever. And all of that is a distraction from the central point that You Must Not Drink.

You are feeling ****** but You Must Not Drink. Your son has made bad financial choices but no matter, You Must Not Drink. You've got debt and yes you need to work but you know what the first step is along any path? That's right, You Must Not Drink. Feeling stressed? There's an answer, to start with it means reducing your stress response and then some time down the line asking for assistance (eg debt change, contacting creditors etc)*when you feel able to* but the way to get to the start of the line is to draw yourself another one, a great big red one with an arrow labelled 'this way and no other' and that line is called You Will Not Drink.

It's the start of everything. Some problems are difficult. Some problems can't be resolved as such. Some only get resolved because time passes and you're somewhere else. That's all ok. That's your path. But to navigate it starts with not drinking.

Icandothis2013

Thanks. I won’t drink as it does make everything worse. I’m not catastrophising about the crime as he has multiple criminal records already and hangs out with young men who are heavily involved in the criminal underworld.. so it is very possible he’ll join them ! :-(

phoebe64

I think you need to focus on you, ICDT. Your son, if he’s owing money to people who threaten his safety, is already in with the wrong crowd. Your money isn’t going the solve that. What’s a college kid doing with all of that money? That’s not requiring an answer, but, he’s clearly not spending it on his education. Universities don’t break legs. I know it’s hard. Our family has experience with a member who begged, borrowed, and stole from most of us. You’ll never solve his problems by giving him money.

Good on not drinking.

Mizz

Well, if your son resorts to a life of crime that is entirely his decision. He is an adult. I mean, he could get a job. There are plenty of jobs out in the world even in a pandemic. I have worked full time since I was a teenager. I have yet to resort to crime. At times I had two jobs just to make ends meet. I was also a full time college student with full time work. He is an adult.

Stay sober.
You can do this.