Icandothis2013

Well, I’m calling this Day 2 as I haven’t consumed alcohol for 36 hours. Yesterday I felt physically and emotionally all over the place and it was no fun at all. I am sooooo worried about my son and think about him constantly. I am afraid he will end up in a gang or stabbed - both perfectly possible given the people he has chosen to hang out with. I have talked to 5 or 6 friends ALL of whom tell me to leave him alone and cut contact as if he won’t accept help, there is nothing I can do. I am talking to my therapist later who will probably say the same thing. But it is so hard.
Anyway, I have to prioritise myself. It’s a beautiful sunny day and I need to enjoy it.

biminiblue

I'm guessing people here will also say to leave him to it.

You can't save him or fix him. You have a restraining order.

Worry about your own issues, like how you just got off another alcohol binge.

Save yourself, ICDT. I know saving myself was a full-time job and I had no business getting involved in anyone else's problems.

Libby06

If you can't stay sober, you will be of little help to him when he is ready. In AA they say to put on YOUR life preserver first, so that you can help someone else when you are safe.

It is so hard not to worry about our kids. Mine was struggling hard when I first got sober and I pretty much obsessed about her. I wanted to call, text e mail, but my sponsor told me to resist, and ask the universe, God, higher power to take care of her and go about my business. I did it, even though I didn't believe in, and it worked. Both of our lives look completely different today.

Its hard. Keep going

Mizz

It is hard to set boundaries and to keep those boundaries in place.

All of your friends are correct. BB is correct. Libby is correct. Your therapist is going to tell you the same thing. Leave him alone.
Work on your life and your sobriety. You are the priority. Your son is going to make his own decisions and will need to deal with the consequences with those decisions. You cant save him. You can save yourself.

Anna

Understandably, this is hard, but you know that focusing on yourself and giving your son the space he needs is the right thing to do.

ScottFromWI

Yes, it's a very hard thing to do but your son has made the choices to put himself in the position he's in. And as someone else mentioned, don't forget there is a restraining order to keep a safe distance between him and you. I hope you are able to talk through some of the worry issues you are having with your therapist, and I agree that instead focusing on your well being is far more important.

BeABetterMan

A huge source of anxiety which inevitably led me to drink was my desire to control people, places and things. You can love your son, but you can’t control him. It may happen quickly, it may be slow or it may never happen, but you have to turn away and let him come to his own realization. This is the same recommended method for addicts. It’s called tough love and it’s the only thing that works.

My mom did this on me when I was 17. I had dropped out of high school. Was a drug addict, was getting in all kinds of trouble. We fought and fought and she tried and tried. Finally one day I came home and I was locked out of the house. I had been thrown out. I bounced around homeless for a while. Crashing here and there until I had worn out my welcome everywhere. Finally I succumbed and returned to mom pleading for help. She had conditions. I agreed and 6 years later I was graduating from a top college at the top of my class with a degree in engineering. I truly believe you are either helping or enabling. Any support provided someone that allows them to continue to make bad decisions is enabling.

Dee74

Your son has made his own bed ICDT. I know it's hard to turn your back but that remains your healthiest option.

D