Aellyce

Thanks Mizz. I do like how my brain/mind works and its power, it's very useful and also enjoyable in many areas of life. I think it's not uncommon that addiction twists our strengths and turns it against us, or that our greatest strengths get compromised by it the most. It definitely majorly affected my reliability, and that's also a strength I have otherwise, a feature others appreciate in me as well and it often made people puzzled as it was in direct conflict with some other traits. Part of the reason the Rational Recovery concepts hit home so well now is all those polar opposites I never experience when I don't drink, it was definitely caused by the alcohol, not some pre-existing condition, it also goes away quickly each time I stay sober even only for a few days. Good reason to never drink and never change my mind

I'm glad you have figured out what works for you. It does take a long time for many of us, but oh well. Staying present is also super important, not only for recovery but just to experience and enjoy life fully.

Steely

A really great reason to stay sober and never change your mind Aellyce.

Sorry if I overstepped Aellyce. I thought it pretty much given that many of us drank to escape. Maybe 'soothe' is the wrong word, self medicate perhaps? I know I did. Did it to swing from the chandeliers too.

I look at life through sober eyes now and it is a beautiful world even in crisis.

AA describes it as, "the scales will fall from your eyes." And that's sorta what's happening. I don't go to AA anymore, but I like this.

Donnylutz

My early sobriety was greatfully helped with Antabuse. You'll get mixed opinions here on medications. My advice is to do what you need to get sober and recover. For me that meant treatment, working the 12 steps, and working with my Dr's regarding meds. I'm getting close to two years and stopped taking Antabuse a long time ago. Meds won't work for everyone - but I don't think I'd be where I am without them.

In treatment I learned how to put together my sobriety toolbox. Everyone's toolbox will look a bit different. Figure out what you need and stick to it! And be careful with opinions. We all have them - and they may not be the right opinions for you.

Best of luck! 💜

advbike

I was just reading this and could totally relate to your comments Aellyce. This has always been my problem. Life is just fine without alcohol, but seems a bit flat at times. I want more. I love excitement, probably why I ride motorcycles. Fast. I don't need to drink to cope with life. I drink because I love life.. and excitement and sensory pleasure. If something can enhance that, I'm all in. I really enjoy delicious, ethnic food, so I always want a glass of wine (or two) with it. I love traveling in exotic, tropical parts of the world, so why not have a Tiger beer after exploring those temples? It's just the way my thinking and ego work.

My partner hardly ever drinks which is great because I never drink for the months when I am there and around her two boys, and there is zero temptation for some reason. But the minute we go on vacation to another country I am back to square one and find it difficult to resist the urge to enhance the experience. This is the part that is hard for my ego to give up. . The problem is once I start, I am immediately back to the daily craving, and alcohol dependency. I start looking forward to it, and it will quickly become a 3 or 4 a day maintenance habit again if I don't shut it down.

Before I quit for more than 3 years in 2013, this was my big fear - how would I enjoy travel? But I did it! I traveled the world, met people, had crazy adventures.. and it was.. fine. I have to say that I had 95% as much fun, with a lot less anxiety. It was amazing. So I know it works. I just need to get back to that level of comfort with my sobriety again.