Erica375

I am 60 years old. I graduated from college nearly 40 years ago, and during those almost four decades, I have had unpleasant school-related dreams. Sometimes they're hs based, sometimes college, sometimes a mish-mash. But always, in these dreams, I have screwed up royally. It's the end of the semester and I have completely forgotten to attend one or more of my classes. I haven't studied, I don't have the textbook, I forgot to read a crucial book, or (hs version) the book is in my locker and I can't remember which locker is mine and what the combination is. I don't know where the class meets. I'm totally effed and I'M GOING TO FAIL THE COURSE.

I'M GOING TO FAIL. Do you understand the consequences??? I'M GOING TO FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night that dream started its rerun, but something changed. Gradually I began to realize I've already graduated. Why was I taking these courses, then? Why, it must be because I wanted to. I just wanted to, so if I screw up and I fail, what does it matter to anyone else?

And suddenly I realized the teachers/profs were not intimidating authority figures, but almost peers. I could just talk with them and say I was sorry I didn't work as hard as I should have and gotten as much out of their class as I could have.

I woke up and thought, Ahah! This is sobriety! I'm not a terrified little mouse running around trying to please everyone! I am a competent adult who can take responsibly for my mistakes.

Wow....

RenewalOfLife

This put a smile on my face! What a lovely transformation - it’s like your subconscious self has caught up with your conscious self. Sounds like a wonderful place to be. Congrats, and thanks for sharing!

Fusion

Seconding what RenewalofLife said regarding subconscious catching up. What a wonderful realisation, Erica, that you're no longer a terrified little mouse!

kinzoku

The next step to actualization is summoning pants for yourself in the infamous naked-in-the-classroom dreams.

Aellyce

Nice! I've had similar, school-related, recurring dreams for a decade or so. There is also another version, where I tend to lose something important and can't track it down no matter how I try, or don't know my way to a desired destination, keep getting more and more lost and desperate. I figured a long time ago that they were typical anxiety dreams, but have only realized since getting sober how much these dreams were related to my drinking and associated "never fully living up to my potential" mental states. Metaphorically speaking, in sobriety we can realize our good dreams awake (=self-actualize), so the anxiety and disappointment won't be haunting constantly in the background.

Erica375

Oddly, I don't have those dreams. When I had to move 6 years ago I did have one dream where I took my goat (???) for a walk on a leash and forgot to put clothes on (me, not the goat).
So sometimes now I refer to myself as Naked Goat Walker. I mean, is that not totally what an alcoholic would do?
P.s. I do not have a goat. Nor do I walk naked around my neighborhood.

Dee74

I'm glad you're leaving those kinds of dreams behind Erica

D

Erica375

Thanks, Dee. I feel such a sense of relief today.

least

I'm glad your dreams are more pleasant now.

RecklessDrunk

I have very similar dreams, I'm in my mid 40s, school was a long time ago.

High school or college. Its usually college where i will have that dream that it is almost the end of the semester and I had forgotten all along about a class that was on my schedule. Its like I just forgot about it and didn't go since the beginning of the semester.

In real life I once failed a class because... I decided to skip Friday afternoon class because I wanted to get a head start drinking for the weekend. I completely forgot there was an exam that day! Just where was my head in those days?

Sometimes I have dreams where I already know I have a career but I go back for another senior year of high school. Its truly bizarre! I'm delighted to have another chance.

Erica375

RecklessDrunk, when my dad (a high school teacher) was in his 80s, he told me he still had those dreams! He wasn't an alcoholic, so I wonder what else it has to do with.

DriGuy

I've had that exact same dream. It's a horrible dream.

Ringside

Same here - horrible is right. Glad to be able to identify with others, though. I’ll be curious to hear the thoughts of resident dream interpreters

advbike

I think it's the general "fear of failure" thing. Many people have it, alcoholic or not. And the relation to college is that's where many of us faced the first real performance pressure.