Mizz

Im a bit torn up......
There is a an elderly customer who has been a regular since I can remember. I started working for the company I am with in 2005. Left for a few years and came back. She is still around and doing her thing. She is not a nice person. In fact, she is quite mean but we seem to make it work together if she needs something. She even apologized to me a few years ago "I dont know why I am so mean to ya, Kid. I just get like that sometimes" ..... Not verbatim. I was surprised she even acknowledged how she has treated me. So, I help her and she leaves with her items. She is depressed and hateful and it is really quite sad to see.

Today she comes in with a huge black bruise on the side of her face. Her Left eye is dark red. The sclera of her eye really has no white left. It is alarming to say the least. The bruise is trying to be covered with the smallest of a bandaid. I'm shocked.
I ask her what has happened. She tells me it happened in her car. I ask about her eye. She says it was from a doctor but wont name names. There is something about years ago but I dont know if she meant the bruise or the eye? These injuries are new. I ask her about family. She doesnt speak with them often and they don't live here. I keep asking questions and she says to me "Im okay. Dont worry about me." I tell her that I do not believe she is okay. The bruise. The eye. None of it is right. She needs help.

I follow her out the door after she purchases her goods. I jog up to her and say "I am really worried for you. I think you need some help. This bruise and your eye. Its not okay, Jane. (Jane is not her name BTW)

"Im okay, Kid"

She walks off slowly.
I should have followed her to see where she lives. I'm really worried for this woman.
In all honesty, she could die and no one would know. She lives alone.......

Needless to say my heart is heavy tonight.

I don't know what this has to do with sobriety? You can erase it if you want. I just needed to tell someone.

Dee74

Its hard to help those who can't or won't accept help - though I'm sure she appreciates your kindness.
We all do what we can Mizz.

Hugs to you and Jane...

D

RenewalOfLife

Oh my gosh, Mizz. I can understand why you’re feeling down. There’s not many things worse than wanting to help someone who doesn’t want or isn’t ready for help. (Friends and family of addicts can probably relate...there your tie to sobriety, even though you don’t need one.)

In a situation like this you never know what may yet come to be. Yes, things could worsen for her. But, things could also improve based upon your actions, your empathy, your caring. The ripple effect of kindness can be pretty amazing.

I wish for some relief for your heavy heart, and applaud you for staying on the sober path.

advbike

Bless your heart Mizz, for reaching out to her with compassion and trying to help, despite her previous attitude towards you. I am sure it made a difference to her.

You are a really good human being.

EndGameNYC

And you told someone. It's amazing some of the things that make us stronger at roughly the same time that we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Caring about the well-being of other people, even for people who admit to mistreating you, is a human quality that not everyone possesses. Or find the courage to express. It's a choice we make just as is being indifferent to the suffering of other people.

We're capable of compassion, forgiveness, and mercy. All much better than not caring.

I put this one in the plus column.

Icandothis2013

That was a kind and compassionate thing to do ... you can’t do more ! xxx

Fusion

Mizz, I think it has everything to do with sobriety. For me, an alcohol infused brain operates from a lower level, I do things under the influence, that I wouldn't countenance sober. Absent alcohol, my brain operates from a higher level, and I believe your concern for Jane, and repeated attempts to offer help - was a beautiful display of a sober brain's qualities.

FreeOwl

The world is full of sorrow and suffering.

It's also full of courage and hope.

Perhaps just giving the gift of caring will have given Jane a little of the latter.

This is a great example of the gift of sobriety.

tornrealization

Hi Mizz,

Dee is on the spot here. It’s a lesson that can be hard, it was for me. I wanted to help lots of people or situations where they weren’t ready, didn’t want it, etc. Just being kind, supportive or letting someone know you care or are available is truly enough.

I’m here for you if you need it. I can help when you’re ready. Things like that, then let go. I’m glad you didn’t follow her home. She may have thought it Wierd. Know you did the best you could and continue on.

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, @Mizz! You have such a good heart! But it's a bit like drinking; you can't help someone that won't admit there's a problem. Just continue to be there for her as much as you're able. Maybe there will a point where's she's ready to talk.

Mizz

Letting go and letting god kinda stuff! Thanks Myth.
I hope your arm is getting better. Sending all good healing vibes your way.