ravens99

Hi all,

So I decided to stop counting the days I'm sober. It's a lifelong change to walk towards the light. I will count back if I need to.

I decided to stop working the job I am in as a permanent and opt for potential casual work instead. I think this way I can work out what I want to do without having the added pressures of this role, which if I look back on, I've been drinking to 'get my way through the days'. I feel a palpable relief and know it's possible to not drink now that I've chosen this. I know there's lots of road ahead though too.

I'm feeling a bit cranky and all over the shop. I was diagnosed with hypoglycaemia recently, however due to the whole 'hiding the longterm alcohol' thing no one really knows that's what's going on except me. I am hoping this improves with a good diet and no alcohol over time. I'm doing my best.

I was also using alcohol to cover up an eating disorder too - which I had when I was younger but occasionally lapse back into when I'm in periods of stress. I chose the current job I'm in to try to show people I can be someone - but that someone is not me, and that someone needs to drink to do those things. And at the expense of being in touch with myself, feeling self love, fostering self-growth. This is not worth it.

I was suicidal a few years ago too. I remember thinking that that was part of the relief, the idea that it didn't matter what I did that I could have peace if I just chose that way out. I do not want to do this anymore. But I think it should have woken me up a little to flag that this was not going in the direction I wanted. But somehow I just kept burying it with more alcohol.

So I'm feeling a bit anxious today. I emailed my work and requested the change to casual. I know it will be a big shock to them. I don't think they will be happy. So I'm a bit scared - they called me back and left a message and I'm scared to listen. I feel like they might try and convince me to stay on permanently - but unfortunately I cannot agree to this because I've been considering this long and hard now and value my sobriety journey more than anything else. I cannot simply tell them that though "actually the real reason is that I drink too much and need to develop healthier coping strategies without the added stress of this job on top of it all". I also don't know what to say.

Can someone send me some courage to listen/read their responses to my request? Can someone possibly tell me that what I'm doing sounds pretty sensible?

I'm terrible at backing myself, and realise alcohol has been both the cure and the disease in this. But removing alcohol now.... I will learn. I'm just still not very good at it and could do with the support.

Thanks for reading everyone/anyone and I hope you have a good day/evening.

D122y

I am but a humble addict for life. I promise you I care and hope nothing but the best for you.

Regarding what is going on in your life, I can only offer my experience as a Dr. is the required and likely best answer.

I have been counseled many times here on this fact. Just because something has worked for me, so far, whatever I do might not help and even hurt someone else.

I have been doing the same job for decades and in my mind, I am the best on the planet. At my work we are all so competitive and today, it happens sometimes, I was dismissed as less than. Frustrating, but there is no amount of frustration/anger I could emit that is going to change this. Deal with it D112y. Be a big boy and handle your $h1zzn1tt.

All I can do is my best. A weak swimmer can't swim any better by flailing.

So to call it a day, instead of drinking a half a bottle of expensive or cheap booze, I brought home some fast food. Taco Bell. I ate 1 to many burritos and washed them down with delicious chocolate milk. It was glutinous and wonderful for most of the meal.

Now I have a little tummy ache, but my fingers can type.

Hope this makes you smile and gives you some consideration as you move forward in the sober journey we all are intended for.

Love love love.

Thanks.

D122y

I am but a humble addict for life. I promise you I care and hope nothing but the best for you.

Regarding what is going on in your life, I can only offer my experience as a Dr. is the required and likely best.

I have been counseled many times here on this fact. Just because something has worked for me, so far, whatever I do might not help and even hurt someone else.

I have been doing the same job for decades and in my mind, I am the best on the planet. At my work we are all so competitive and today, it happens sometimes, I was dismissed as less than. Frustrating, but there is no amount of frustration/anger I could emit that is going to change this.

All I can do is my best. A weak swimmer can't swim any better by flailing.

So to call it a day, instead of drinking a half a bottle of expensive or cheap booze, I brought home some fast food. Taco Bell. I ate 1 to many burritos and washed them down with delicious chocolate milk. It was glutonous and wonderful for most of the meal.

Now I have a little tummy ache, but my fingers can type.

Hope this makes you smile and gives you some consideration as you move forward in the sober journey we all we intended for.

Love love love.

Thanks.

Anna

Ravens, I think you're doing great. You know that recovery is a journey, things change, and we see things with more clarity. If you feel the job you are in (permanent) is not right for you, then making a change sounds like a good plan. It sounds as if you thought you 'should' take this job and that it's not really where you want to be. I think recovery involves letting go of a lot of 'shoulds' and focusing on what makes you feel good about yourself.

Do listen to the voice message and hear what your work has to say. And, then, sit and listen to the quiet voice within you that will tell you what is the right thing to do.

least

Sending you a hug to comfort you in whatever you decide.

ravens99

Well, haven't managed to listen to the message yet. I did notice they've shoved in more people for me to see on Friday. I took last Friday off cos of nausea/vomitting. And they've just gone ahead and added stupid amounts of work this Friday to 'make up' for last Friday. This has added so much stress to me just seeing this

I guess it means I made the right decision? So stressed though...

Delilah1

One of my mentors taught me to “swallow the frog,” there is a leadership story behind it, and it has to do with doing the thing you want to do Least first to get it out of the way, so you can move on and focus on the rest of your day. If you continue to avoid listening to the message from work you will continue to worry about what it “might,” say and then it’s going to get bigger in your head. Listen to the message, and then sit down and write out how you want to respond so you are ready to do so in person, email, or on the phone, The unknkwn only prolongs the situation and will cause you more stress.

DriGuy

I had it too. It would vary from light headedness to not being able to stand up, although that worst case only happened three times. Changing my eating patterns, like avoiding syrupy pancakes or donuts for breakfast made a big difference, almost eliminating it. Later when I removed all alcohol from my intake, it went away completely.

For those of us that have it, it seems that too much sugar consumption over excites our sugar metabolizing system, which goes into overdrive, and keeps on going far after our blood sugar levels are brought down to normal. It's weird. Too much sugar ends up lowering our blood sugar to dangerous levels. You end up laying on the bed watching the ceiling swirl. It's a serious condition.

biminiblue

Ah, yes. Avoidance. The #1 gimmick of addiction.

Alcohol is nothing if not the best avoidance elixir ever made. Check out of life completely, make zero decisions, hide from all of the world - just drink this.


I hope you listened to the message by now. Doesn't really matter what it says, you're strong and capable and you will deal with it.

kinzoku

You know deep down what is best for yourself and your recovery. Take some time today to relax and get in a good headspace (bath / meal / netflix and chill / whatever it is) and take a listen to the message. You will get through this.

novips

You ask: Can someone possibly tell me that what I'm doing sounds pretty sensible?

From my perspective, that requires answering two other questions first: (1) Are you an alcoholic? (2) Are you an alcoholic of the type that can only stay sober by following the A.A. program of recovery?

If the answer to those two questions is "yes", then job or no job is on some fundamental level irrelevant. The following Big Book excerpt may be relevant:

He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

In this context, I understand "God" to mean Higher Power (including the "G.O.D." group of drunks I find at A.A. meetings) and "clean house" to mean working the Steps. All the foregoing to be footnoted by the appropriateness of seeking outside professional help as needed.

Mizz

Just curious if you listened to the message?

When I read your OP I think of boundaries. We all need them in life and we all need to see that we are making the best decisions in our life. It sounds like your job really piles on the work and it is getting increasingly stressful. It is okay say "No." That word can be a complete sentence. No further explanation. Here's to hoping that message was positive and there were not any hurdles to jump over.