14 days and counting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: Arizona
Posts: 104
14 days and counting!
Hi all - happy to be here amongst others in recovery.
I'm emerging from about 8 - 9 years of pretty intense alcohol overuse. I'd been drowning myself in red wine to make life fuzzy, at the peak drinking two bottles 5 - 6 nights per week. I somehow managed to fake it through the rest of life and looking back I don't know how I did it. For many years I wanted to quit, but didn't know when the "right time" was. I kept waiting to hit the proverbial bottom while at the same time having some semblance of boundaries while drinking (no drinking and driving, always eating while drinking to meter the buzz, avoiding emotion-laden conversations while drinking, avoiding making major decisions while drinking, no morning drinking, etc.). All the while, I never felt like I was a victim to my drinking. I knew that every time I raised a glass, I was making a choice. I don't know who said "that which we don't change, we choose" but it's so spot-on.
Fourteen days ago, I hit my bottom. Doing the typical negotiating/bargaining/rationalizing to find a way to keep drinking, but in moderation, I had been off of red wine for a month and felt like that was real progress. I'd been limiting my intake to a few beers a couple nights per week, and sometimes white wine. Once in a while, a margarita or mixed drink. I went to the store that afternoon to buy a bottle of white wine and there was a sale - buy 2, get $2 off! "Awesome, I'll have some tonight and save the rest for next weekend...after all, I'm doing really well with my new moderation plan!" (Stupid-a$$ wine witch.)
Needless to say, a short time later I was surprised to find that I had drank both bottles in about 2 hours and in 4 pours. It was still early in the evening, so I decided I would do something I had never done before - start drinking liquor, straight up. Out came the Fireball Whiskey. I have no real idea how much I drank, but if I was to guess I would say around 12 ounces. I was feeling grand and decided to watch some TV. I sat down on the couch....and woke up the next morning at 8 AM. I had passed out, and was in a sitting position for around nine hours. (How does one do that?)
And that was it - my bottom. Nothing overly dramatic. Just the knowledge and acceptance that I am unable to moderate, that alcohol was slowly killing me, and that I had the power to make a change. Don't hate me for saying this, but there's been no white-knuckling thus far. I've tried quitting before and it was crazy hard (and I obviously relapsed). This time, I feel at peace. I'm looking forward to living a sober life.
My plan - voracious reading and learning about how to negotiate a successful recovery; soaks in the hot tub; walks around the neighborhood; playing cards/pool with my husband; practicing visualization of going on sober vacations and attending social events while sober; joining SR; and whatever else I find that works to keep me removed from alcohol or any altering substance.
Thanks for allowing me to share. I look forward to learning more within this community.
I'm emerging from about 8 - 9 years of pretty intense alcohol overuse. I'd been drowning myself in red wine to make life fuzzy, at the peak drinking two bottles 5 - 6 nights per week. I somehow managed to fake it through the rest of life and looking back I don't know how I did it. For many years I wanted to quit, but didn't know when the "right time" was. I kept waiting to hit the proverbial bottom while at the same time having some semblance of boundaries while drinking (no drinking and driving, always eating while drinking to meter the buzz, avoiding emotion-laden conversations while drinking, avoiding making major decisions while drinking, no morning drinking, etc.). All the while, I never felt like I was a victim to my drinking. I knew that every time I raised a glass, I was making a choice. I don't know who said "that which we don't change, we choose" but it's so spot-on.
Fourteen days ago, I hit my bottom. Doing the typical negotiating/bargaining/rationalizing to find a way to keep drinking, but in moderation, I had been off of red wine for a month and felt like that was real progress. I'd been limiting my intake to a few beers a couple nights per week, and sometimes white wine. Once in a while, a margarita or mixed drink. I went to the store that afternoon to buy a bottle of white wine and there was a sale - buy 2, get $2 off! "Awesome, I'll have some tonight and save the rest for next weekend...after all, I'm doing really well with my new moderation plan!" (Stupid-a$$ wine witch.)
Needless to say, a short time later I was surprised to find that I had drank both bottles in about 2 hours and in 4 pours. It was still early in the evening, so I decided I would do something I had never done before - start drinking liquor, straight up. Out came the Fireball Whiskey. I have no real idea how much I drank, but if I was to guess I would say around 12 ounces. I was feeling grand and decided to watch some TV. I sat down on the couch....and woke up the next morning at 8 AM. I had passed out, and was in a sitting position for around nine hours. (How does one do that?)
And that was it - my bottom. Nothing overly dramatic. Just the knowledge and acceptance that I am unable to moderate, that alcohol was slowly killing me, and that I had the power to make a change. Don't hate me for saying this, but there's been no white-knuckling thus far. I've tried quitting before and it was crazy hard (and I obviously relapsed). This time, I feel at peace. I'm looking forward to living a sober life.
My plan - voracious reading and learning about how to negotiate a successful recovery; soaks in the hot tub; walks around the neighborhood; playing cards/pool with my husband; practicing visualization of going on sober vacations and attending social events while sober; joining SR; and whatever else I find that works to keep me removed from alcohol or any altering substance.
Thanks for allowing me to share. I look forward to learning more within this community.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 3,767
Originally Posted by RenewalOfLife 
Just the knowledge and acceptance that I am unable to moderate, that alcohol was slowly killing me, and that I had the power to make a change. Don't hate me for saying this, but there's been no white-knuckling thus far. I've tried quitting before and it was crazy hard (and I obviously relapsed). This time, I feel at peace. I'm looking forward to living a sober life.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Welcome. This forum has been very instrumental in my recovery. I hope that you find the community to be supportive and beneficial for you as well. I think we can all experience different levels of "bottom."
It is good that you are at peace with your decision and are moving forward. We are here for support and once again WELCOME to the forum.
It is good that you are at peace with your decision and are moving forward. We are here for support and once again WELCOME to the forum.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: Arizona
Posts: 104
@Mizz - I agree - figuring out that there is no defined bottom was key for me. My drinking career and subsequent recovery journey may be similar to others, but it is still unique to me. Thanks for your encouragement!
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