Banned from another forum
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Join Date: May 2019
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Banned from another forum
I won’t mention the site as I’ll get Dee in trouble. It was a UK-based site for liver disease, and whilst most people on there were great, another group had drunk themselves to the point of cirrhosis and liver transplants. They didn’t like my posts at all.
The catalyst for the ban was a poster whose husband had sadly died from alcoholism several years ago said that a bottle of wine a day wasn’t much. That’s a red rag to a bull for me. I know an alcoholic will see such a remark and take it as a green light to continue. A bottle of wine a day is 500% times more than the healthy limit. The data showing the long-term increases of cancer with drinking excessively are absolutely shocking, and a bottle of wine a day is quite literally deadly.
It’s ironic that alcoholics go to that forum and get so-called advice from those who had to give up or die. That’s no longer about willpower. Having a doctor ordering you to stop drinking is a world apart from the likes of us who proactively stopped or are in the process of doing so.
So, let’s all remember this site is a nice and safe site. All advice is welcomed here, but Dee and co step in when lines are crossed. I’ve done OK with alcohol free beer, for example, (but rarely drink it now), but it was quickly pointed out that it’s not for everyone. Point taken and appreciated
And let’s all remember how sensible we all are. We stopped or are stopping before serious health problems kick off. Well done everyone and keep this site great
The catalyst for the ban was a poster whose husband had sadly died from alcoholism several years ago said that a bottle of wine a day wasn’t much. That’s a red rag to a bull for me. I know an alcoholic will see such a remark and take it as a green light to continue. A bottle of wine a day is 500% times more than the healthy limit. The data showing the long-term increases of cancer with drinking excessively are absolutely shocking, and a bottle of wine a day is quite literally deadly.
It’s ironic that alcoholics go to that forum and get so-called advice from those who had to give up or die. That’s no longer about willpower. Having a doctor ordering you to stop drinking is a world apart from the likes of us who proactively stopped or are in the process of doing so.
So, let’s all remember this site is a nice and safe site. All advice is welcomed here, but Dee and co step in when lines are crossed. I’ve done OK with alcohol free beer, for example, (but rarely drink it now), but it was quickly pointed out that it’s not for everyone. Point taken and appreciated
And let’s all remember how sensible we all are. We stopped or are stopping before serious health problems kick off. Well done everyone and keep this site great
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
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I am that alcoholic that used what other people could getaway with to rationalize drinking longer. That can happen anywhere. I’d read successful quitting stories with healthy medical screens from people decades older than me here on SR and thought, I still have drinking time! I’ve also read heartbreaking stories usually in the news of people dying with BACs lower than ones I’ve registered at the hospital. I saw determination and dedication as well on these boards. I really wanted to be sober one day helping others. I hope I am now when I post. It can be heartbreaking Hodd if you’re watching people rationalize or continue but I find that even if the seed was planted someone may have been helped. So take that into your heart instead of disappointment.
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Our dirty AV's are so devious. They want to hear want they want to hear, and are so happy when they see a drinking road ahead. The Mods, bless them each and every one, really keep SR as a highly functioning site. Us knuckleheads often say the wrong thing and the Mods get us right back on track. SR wouldn't be viable for more than a few weeks without them. But as you say Hodd, SR is a good and safe place for all of us to be together in this thing.
And tornrealization, and Hodd, you are both always so so helpful to others.
And tornrealization, and Hodd, you are both always so so helpful to others.
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Definitely Torn, we have to be careful what we write, There is a time and a place for flippant comments or even humour about alcohol if you know who you’re talking to, but outside of that group, extreme care must be taken.
About ten years ago I was drinking loads each evening. I was obese, had high blood and was worried about a medical check at work. A national radio station had a trailer with two presenters singing “Beer Necessities” based on the Jungle Book song. The song made reference to one of the presenter’s heavy drinking. This guy is obese and lost his driving license from drinking. The light-hearted nature of the song genuinely led to think if it was OK for them, I could carry on.
I don’t think I’m overly impressionable, but I am/was an alcoholic, and like all addicts I’d hear what I wanted to hear. On the opposite end of the scale, a few celebrity deaths from alcohol or news stories about drinking and cancer did stick in my mind. We are very influenced by what we hear and read. The lady on that other forum criticising me for needing a counsellor when I “only” drank a bottle of wine a day may well have wrecked a few lives.
About ten years ago I was drinking loads each evening. I was obese, had high blood and was worried about a medical check at work. A national radio station had a trailer with two presenters singing “Beer Necessities” based on the Jungle Book song. The song made reference to one of the presenter’s heavy drinking. This guy is obese and lost his driving license from drinking. The light-hearted nature of the song genuinely led to think if it was OK for them, I could carry on.
I don’t think I’m overly impressionable, but I am/was an alcoholic, and like all addicts I’d hear what I wanted to hear. On the opposite end of the scale, a few celebrity deaths from alcohol or news stories about drinking and cancer did stick in my mind. We are very influenced by what we hear and read. The lady on that other forum criticising me for needing a counsellor when I “only” drank a bottle of wine a day may well have wrecked a few lives.
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I just checked dates, and in October 2017, the Irish comedian Sean Hughes sadly died at 51 from cirrhosis. That was one of the catalysts that led to me cutting down and later quitting.
Passing away at 51 - that’s the reality of drinking
Passing away at 51 - that’s the reality of drinking
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This is the only recovery community I’ve been involved in.
I think we get the balance right most times here between letting people have their say while having rules and keeping the place safe.
I’m sorry you got banned elsewhere Hodd - your contributions are valued here
D
I think we get the balance right most times here between letting people have their say while having rules and keeping the place safe.
I’m sorry you got banned elsewhere Hodd - your contributions are valued here
D
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I've been on quite a few online forums over the years (not just related to addiction or mental health) and my experience is that SR is especially well-moderated. As Dee says, the moderation feels fair, healthy and balanced. Part of the reason I have been coming here since 2010.
I think it's always a blessing when we can learn from others' experiences and stories and turn our lives around before more severe consequences. I am with tornrealization in that we can say many helpful and realistic things even if we are not acknowledged and appreciated for it in the moment. Sometimes people don't understand or grasp it, but will remember and come back to it in a more receptive state, it will suddenly be clear and can move mountains then. It's important to consider what we say and how we say it, but also to stick with values and views that serve us and others well beyond momentary upsets and whatnot.
I think it's always a blessing when we can learn from others' experiences and stories and turn our lives around before more severe consequences. I am with tornrealization in that we can say many helpful and realistic things even if we are not acknowledged and appreciated for it in the moment. Sometimes people don't understand or grasp it, but will remember and come back to it in a more receptive state, it will suddenly be clear and can move mountains then. It's important to consider what we say and how we say it, but also to stick with values and views that serve us and others well beyond momentary upsets and whatnot.
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Aellyce (I would’ve quoted you, but I struggle with the quote function )
You’re spot on. We might write or say something which isn’t acknowledged at the time but will be remembered for a long time.
I get very nervous, for example, when people ask how long I drank for. It could be curiosity or they may use my figure as a justification for them drinking a few more years. The best answer now is too many years
)You’re spot on. We might write or say something which isn’t acknowledged at the time but will be remembered for a long time.
I get very nervous, for example, when people ask how long I drank for. It could be curiosity or they may use my figure as a justification for them drinking a few more years. The best answer now is too many years
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You were banned from a website because you confronted a person who said that a bottle of wine a day was not a lot of alcohol?
Former Wine Drinker Here! A bottle of wine a day is an insane amount of alcohol.
Maybe I should go over there and get banned too!
JK.
Former Wine Drinker Here! A bottle of wine a day is an insane amount of alcohol.
Maybe I should go over there and get banned too!
JK.
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The comment was from the widow of an alcoholic. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but she did seem to resent me for stopping drinking before I had serious health problems. For the record, I was obese and had a fatty liver from drinking - hardly a picture if health.
And whilst she’s had a bad time, she has never been an addict. The offhand comment that a bottle of wine a day isn’t an issue could be very dangerous.
Stay here, Mizz
And whilst she’s had a bad time, she has never been an addict. The offhand comment that a bottle of wine a day isn’t an issue could be very dangerous.
Stay here, Mizz
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If they banned you for one comment like that, then the site probably doesn't have a healthy atmosphere and maybe better for you not to be part of it, after all? Jealousy is a thing and can create even passive aggression and resentments if someone experiencing it is not honest with themselves. I experienced that on both sides, and sometimes it makes people take advantage of their authority and use that position wrongly. If it was a process and more comments, I would probably find it helpful to reflect a bit on my contributions and see if I could do something differently next time. Sometimes conflicts are good learning experiences.
Jealousy is a thing and can create even passive aggression and resentments if someone experiencing it is not honest with themselves. I experienced that on both sides, and sometimes it makes people take advantage of their authority and use that position wrongly. If it was a process and more comments, I would probably find it helpful to reflect a bit on my contributions and see if I could do something differently next time. Sometimes conflicts are good learning experiences.
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Written comments can always be misconstrued unfortunately. I’m not going to apologise, though, for taking exception to flippant comments about alcohol on a liver health forum where a high percentage of readers will be heavy drinkers.
I just caught the end of a trashy TV show where a hotel manager said his guests slept well because they’d drunk so much of his wine. I don’t found that too offensive, although it’s incorrect to state alcohol helps sleep, but if someone posts on an addicts’ forum that alcohol helps sleep, I’d probably step in and politely (hopefully ) point out the error.
That other forum, though, seemed to consider advice from alcoholics who’d had transplants to be valid. Those guys have a donor’s liver inside them - I can’t imagine the survivor’s guilt - so their incentive not to drink is different from mine which relies on my willpower. I don’t blame those transplantees, but I can’t help but think they’re not the best people to be giving advice.
I just caught the end of a trashy TV show where a hotel manager said his guests slept well because they’d drunk so much of his wine. I don’t found that too offensive, although it’s incorrect to state alcohol helps sleep, but if someone posts on an addicts’ forum that alcohol helps sleep, I’d probably step in and politely (hopefully
) point out the error.That other forum, though, seemed to consider advice from alcoholics who’d had transplants to be valid. Those guys have a donor’s liver inside them - I can’t imagine the survivor’s guilt - so their incentive not to drink is different from mine which relies on my willpower. I don’t blame those transplantees, but I can’t help but think they’re not the best people to be giving advice.
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Yikes! All things come to pass in this life, good or bad. I'm sorry it didn't work out on that forum, but I'm sure it was as it was meant to be. All the best to those suffering and thank you for coming here to vent rather than take it out on a stranger or something haha.
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Ha ha, not really a rant. A few posters (not that many ) said it’s not fair I’m banned, etc., but it’s hardly a big deal.
But I am upset by the increasing number of alcoholics posting on there now. The UK isn’t a great place to be right now due to Covid, and the level of alcoholism is a problem. I’m starting to see alcohol dependence isn’t necessarily something that develops over years. It can happen in months, and this pandemic/lockdown will produce loads of addicts. GPs are hard (but not impossible) to access now, counsellors must be even harder to see. People will turn to Internet forums, so it’s important to take care with our words at times.
) said it’s not fair I’m banned, etc., but it’s hardly a big deal.But I am upset by the increasing number of alcoholics posting on there now. The UK isn’t a great place to be right now due to Covid, and the level of alcoholism is a problem. I’m starting to see alcohol dependence isn’t necessarily something that develops over years. It can happen in months, and this pandemic/lockdown will produce loads of addicts. GPs are hard (but not impossible) to access now, counsellors must be even harder to see. People will turn to Internet forums, so it’s important to take care with our words at times.
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Originally Posted by Hodd 
Definitely Torn, we have to be careful what we write, There is a time and a place for flippant comments or even humour about alcohol if you know who you’re talking to, but outside of that group, extreme care must be taken.
About ten years ago I was drinking loads each evening. I was obese, had high blood and was worried about a medical check at work. A national radio station had a trailer with two presenters singing “Beer Necessities” based on the Jungle Book song. The song made reference to one of the presenter’s heavy drinking. This guy is obese and lost his driving license from drinking. The light-hearted nature of the song genuinely led to think if it was OK for them, I could carry on.
About ten years ago I was drinking loads each evening. I was obese, had high blood and was worried about a medical check at work. A national radio station had a trailer with two presenters singing “Beer Necessities” based on the Jungle Book song. The song made reference to one of the presenter’s heavy drinking. This guy is obese and lost his driving license from drinking. The light-hearted nature of the song genuinely led to think if it was OK for them, I could carry on.
Everyone at work was drinking during lunchtime so I thought "hey, everyone is doing it so it's fine"
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
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A forum for families friends and active alcoholics or recovering alcoholics that suffer from serious disease liver. All alcohol related deaths of imminent death and (this part I do not get) banned for critiquing another members post "drink one bottle of wine"?????
That is not right. I'm in the camp that alcohol is something to avoid because It kills like wildfire to those that succumb to its potential devastating effects. I would think any anti-alcohol message would be lifesaving!!!! But, there two sides to every story.
A proper amount of decorum is needed when dealing with the illness of alcoholism. There is a place and time for everything. I know first hand, I have become unbalanced here at SR leading to a bunch of PM's from the Mods. Yes, life is all about learning and growth no matter your age.
That is not right. I'm in the camp that alcohol is something to avoid because It kills like wildfire to those that succumb to its potential devastating effects. I would think any anti-alcohol message would be lifesaving!!!! But, there two sides to every story.
A proper amount of decorum is needed when dealing with the illness of alcoholism. There is a place and time for everything. I know first hand, I have become unbalanced here at SR leading to a bunch of PM's from the Mods. Yes, life is all about learning and growth no matter your age.
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This thread is a good example of when I have to step in lol
A thread based on an incident elsewhere about the messages we send is fine - but a thread about that other forum and why they banned someone and why the hell do they think they're playing at - which is the direction this thread is heading - is less fine.
That discussion doesn't really add to our experience here at SR.
If you want to start another thread on messages Hodd thats fine, but I think this thread is pretty well cooked.
Dee
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SR
A thread based on an incident elsewhere about the messages we send is fine - but a thread about that other forum and why they banned someone and why the hell do they think they're playing at - which is the direction this thread is heading - is less fine.
That discussion doesn't really add to our experience here at SR.
The forums are intended for offering mutual personal support related to recovery from addiction or recovery for family and friends. This is our primary purpose. Debating controversial subjects should be taken elsewhere.
Dee
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