Drank at weekend, day 2 again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
There's a lot of freedom and relief just giving it up entirely instead of trying to control it. To just let go and have that awful weight fall from your shoulders. No more craving, counting down to when you can drink, planning when to drink, consciously managing your drinking around others, not being able to drink as much as you want around others so being left with that horrible itch of "never enough". It's madness. Honestly, just let go of it, man. Try for one month, two, six, whatever. Just give it a good shot and just let go of it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Owen - I'm glad you wanted to discuss what happened.
I tried the moderation thing too, knowing in my heart it could never last. After 3 yrs. sober I decided I could have 'a few' once in a while. The first time I tried it - everything was fine & nothing bad happened. The second time I had way more than the 'few' I was allowing myself. In the end, my dependence was worse than ever - I was drinking all day. I was missing work, I was driving impaired. The moderation experiment failed horribly, & was leading me to a dangerous place. That's when I came to SR & eventually got serious about reclaiming my life. It feels so good to be free of it.
I tried the moderation thing too, knowing in my heart it could never last. After 3 yrs. sober I decided I could have 'a few' once in a while. The first time I tried it - everything was fine & nothing bad happened. The second time I had way more than the 'few' I was allowing myself. In the end, my dependence was worse than ever - I was drinking all day. I was missing work, I was driving impaired. The moderation experiment failed horribly, & was leading me to a dangerous place. That's when I came to SR & eventually got serious about reclaiming my life. It feels so good to be free of it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I hope you’ve picked the side with a future Owen. I agree with the consensus here too. Tell the truth - in your real life- it really will set you free.
One of the greatest gifts I gave myself was to be authentically me and to have relationships based on that authenticity.
All the fears of am I good enough, what do I have to do to ‘make’ people like me...all in the past.
D
One of the greatest gifts I gave myself was to be authentically me and to have relationships based on that authenticity.
All the fears of am I good enough, what do I have to do to ‘make’ people like me...all in the past.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by owen90 
Posting here keeps me on the straight on narrow throughout the working week...but as soon as I hit Friday night, I kick back with a few beers with my fiancee. I had fun and nothing bad happened, with no desire to drink more yet...
I am riding this dangerous wave of drinking in moderation again. I can hear alarm bells sounding off every time I hear the pop of the can and I know all of you disapprove because you can see where it might lead. I just can't seem to totally let go and stop. I want to because I know how easily I can fall off the tightrope, but it's hard to see that when beer is on the mind after a stressful week and everything else in life is going great.
If nothing else, posting here throughout the week keeps me in check and severely limits my drinking. I never drink alone, always with a friend, my Dad or my fiancee. If I didn't post here, I would struggle to not drink anything on the weekdays. I doubt I could limit it to Friday and Saturday without the support here.
I am continuing to play with fire and I know I will get burnt. I guess I am clinically insane.
I posted this to come clean, as I have to be honest with myself and especially all of you.
Day 2 again.
Owen
I am riding this dangerous wave of drinking in moderation again. I can hear alarm bells sounding off every time I hear the pop of the can and I know all of you disapprove because you can see where it might lead. I just can't seem to totally let go and stop. I want to because I know how easily I can fall off the tightrope, but it's hard to see that when beer is on the mind after a stressful week and everything else in life is going great.
If nothing else, posting here throughout the week keeps me in check and severely limits my drinking. I never drink alone, always with a friend, my Dad or my fiancee. If I didn't post here, I would struggle to not drink anything on the weekdays. I doubt I could limit it to Friday and Saturday without the support here.
I am continuing to play with fire and I know I will get burnt. I guess I am clinically insane.
I posted this to come clean, as I have to be honest with myself and especially all of you.
Day 2 again.
Owen
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Nobody around me thinks I have a drinking problem. My wife was with me through the worst periods of my drinking and she is still disappointed if I won't drink with her. She was last night. It's because she is a social drinker. If I'm not drinking then she is not drinking (as much lol), and I'm spoiling her fun. But when I was drinking I would carry on long after she had stopped. Doesn't matter if I was moderating or going all out I put away way more alcohol each week than she did.
This whole thing about what other people think, it's tricky. Sure I can see the viewpoint that what others think doesn't matter and authentic relationships and all that is wonderful. Of the top 50 people I see regularly in my friends and family I can think of 3 of them that don't ever drink. Two of those are my parents. I may get to the point of not caring what everyone thinks but I'm not there yet either. As far as I can see my social life is going to be quite limited as a sober man. I just have to learn to live with that. If people think I'm no fun then I won't force them to hang out with me.
This whole thing about what other people think, it's tricky. Sure I can see the viewpoint that what others think doesn't matter and authentic relationships and all that is wonderful. Of the top 50 people I see regularly in my friends and family I can think of 3 of them that don't ever drink. Two of those are my parents. I may get to the point of not caring what everyone thinks but I'm not there yet either. As far as I can see my social life is going to be quite limited as a sober man. I just have to learn to live with that. If people think I'm no fun then I won't force them to hang out with me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I know it’s a tough ask to believe this but my social life is way better as a sober guy. Turns out people prefer the real me to the loud boorish embarrassing mess they had to pour into a taxi at the end of the evening.
All of my friends drank too, but hard drinkers tend to associate with hard drinkers. Now my social circle are either non drinkers or normal drinkers who may start a beer but not finish it.
D
All of my friends drank too, but hard drinkers tend to associate with hard drinkers. Now my social circle are either non drinkers or normal drinkers who may start a beer but not finish it.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I’m glad you came here and posted, and I also hope you’ll decide to really quit drinking, as someone who tried moderation in the past (repeatedly) I can assure you it doesn’t work for people who have problems with alcohol.
I remember when I first got sober I was very concerned with what other people were going to say or think about me not drinking, truthfully, nobody really cared about what I was drinking except me. Occasionally people would offer drinks, or ask me if I wanted a drink, and “no thank you,” was the only response I needed.
I now have five hears sober, and people who know me know I don’t drink. Some know this because they’ve only known me during these five years, and some know that I decided to stop drinking for health reasons, which is a very valid reason that you can use as well.
Why don’t you start by staying sober this weekend. You can do it.
I remember when I first got sober I was very concerned with what other people were going to say or think about me not drinking, truthfully, nobody really cared about what I was drinking except me. Occasionally people would offer drinks, or ask me if I wanted a drink, and “no thank you,” was the only response I needed.
I now have five hears sober, and people who know me know I don’t drink. Some know this because they’ve only known me during these five years, and some know that I decided to stop drinking for health reasons, which is a very valid reason that you can use as well.
Why don’t you start by staying sober this weekend. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Quitting drinking for health reasons.
It is just that. Mental, emotional, physical or spiritual. Active alcoholism brings ill health. It doesn't have to be anymore than that. For some reason a "light bulb" just went off in my head. I've learned something today.
It is just that. Mental, emotional, physical or spiritual. Active alcoholism brings ill health. It doesn't have to be anymore than that. For some reason a "light bulb" just went off in my head. I've learned something today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 83
Hi Owen! I can relate to not wanting to disappoint people by not drinking with them. Early on in one of the many times I tried to quit, my now-husband did say he was sad to see me quit drinking. We had some great times drinking together, but we also had some BAD times drinking together. And he, like I, would often only remember the good times. After a while, though, he did understand that it was just best for me not to drink and it even caused him to take a look at his own drinking and make some adjustments. I think a lot of people who are disappointed not to drink with us may be afraid to consider their own relationship to alcohol, in my experience at least. Anyway, all that’s to say is that people can be disappointed and they’ll get over it and adjust, especially the people that care about you. It’s definitely a justification I used for myself plenty of times, but I’ve found I’d much rather disappoint someone by not drinking with them than by my ****** and potentially dangerous behavior if I do drink. I hope you’re doing well!
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