Drank at weekend, day 2 again.
 

Posting here keeps me on the straight on narrow throughout the working week...but as soon as I hit Friday night, I kick back with a few beers with my fiancee. I had fun and nothing bad happened, with no desire to drink more yet...

I am riding this dangerous wave of drinking in moderation again. I can hear alarm bells sounding off every time I hear the pop of the can and I know all of you disapprove because you can see where it might lead. I just can't seem to totally let go and stop. I want to because I know how easily I can fall off the tightrope, but it's hard to see that when beer is on the mind after a stressful week and everything else in life is going great.

If nothing else, posting here throughout the week keeps me in check and severely limits my drinking. I never drink alone, always with a friend, my Dad or my fiancee. If I didn't post here, I would struggle to not drink anything on the weekdays. I doubt I could limit it to Friday and Saturday without the support here.

I am continuing to play with fire and I know I will get burnt. I guess I am clinically insane.

I posted this to come clean, as I have to be honest with myself and especially all of you.

Day 2 again.

Owen

Do they know you are trying to quit?

Why not give 1 weekend a go just to get a feel for it? Check it out. Nothing to lose.

You might be surprised at how good you feel on Monday.

You'll get there Owen, just keep backing up.

No, they know I have had a problem with drinking in the past. They don't think I have a problem anymore because for the past 7 months I've been mostly alright

If I don't drink with them I think they feel disappointed.

Owen, it's time to put yourself first. You posted "If I don't drink with them I think they feel disappointed". With respect, let them feel disappointed. It's not their life that is at stake. As Steely has posted, why not just give one weekend (alcohol free) a go?

You're deluding yourself Owen. No other way to say it.

Remember this guy?
I knew I was destroying myself with my drinking and risking everything I held dear

I spent years putting other peoples needs and welfare before my own.

If I'm in a relationship where I 'have' to be a drinker, I'm doomed because, sooner or later, in my manic juggling I'm going to miss one of the many balls I have in the air.

Alcoholics do not have control - ever - Owen...they have runs of so called 'luck'.- and every gambler will tell you lucky streaks never last.

D

There were many lessons I needed to learn once I
quit drinking and entered recovery. Lessons that I
didnt fully comprehend at the time. Lessons I didnt
agree with. And lessons that if I didnt take seriously,
then it would lead me back to drinking, back on the
merry go round of craziness.

I had to put my stubbornest aside. The I can do it myself
and you can't tell me what to do nor make me do it,
if I wanted to achieve success in living a sober life.

Alcohol had to be removed from where I was living.

I had to stay away from people, places and things
associated with alcohol and if I absolutely had to
be around it, then to have a back of plan of escape,
to bow out honestly.

To learn and work a program of recovery as a guideline
in all areas of my life.

The first year would be the hardest, but as time goes on
and staying in each day, I would be building a strong solid
recovery foundation to live my life upon in health, happiness,
graditude for many one days sober ahead of me.

There are many successful ways to achieve continuous
sobriety by keeping an open mind, willingness and
honesty. And you never have to achieve it alone or by
yourself.

That to me is comforting.

Owen, I don't think "disapprove" is the right word here. I'd say "worried" is more like it, because, yes, we all know where this leads people like us.

What do YOU want for yourself?

This is your recovery, your sobriety. Yes, our addiction
affects not only ourselves but all those around us.

Our drinking affects family.

Addiction is not pretty.

When it comes to taking care of my own addiction, it
will ultimately be my own decision. I may need help in
getting started with my recovery, in which family, out
of love and care, placed me into the hands of those
capable of helping me, teaching me about my addiction
and it's affects on myself and others, in which they did.

From there I had to do the footwork in a 28 day rehab
stay back in 1990 and once i returned home, I attended
a 6 week aftercare program.

Family to this day I believe, never thought or think that
I was an alcoholic nor had an addiction problem. However,
I beg to differ. When I wanted to die and end my many
failed attempts to stop the insanity of drinking, i knew I
had a problem.

Then once folks in rehab explained to me in detail about
addiction and it's affects on my heart, mind and soul and
those around me, then i began to understand it and wanted
to put my addiction to rest once and for all.

My journey into recovery began 30 yrs ago with no desire
to pick up another drink that would make any situation in
life I was struggling with any better.

Folks have no say so in my recovery no matter what they
think or say. My addiction and recovery belongs to me and
I am responsible for the steps I take on a daily bases to
achieve continuous sobriety becoming the healthiest, happiest,
honest person I can possibly be today.

You can too.

What are you counting? Days between drinking?

Hope you can muster the commitment to quit for good.

Owen, why do you drink with your girlfriend? Does she know about your past or have you just not told her? I know you recently met and started seeing her when you were not drinking and then you had at least one dangerous drinking event since then.

This isn't a game and we are not your mommas. We can't fix this for you and we are not here to absolve you. There is not any reason for an alcoholic to drink - not ever, not one. It's just a matter of time until your life is off the rails again. What has happened in past relationships? Did drinking cause problems?

What about your dad? Does he know you are trying to quit? I told the important people in my life when I was done, because I was D.O.N.E.



I think you need to be honest with everyone in your life, not just an anonymous forum. This isn't the Confessional here. This is picking a side. Don't blow up this woman's life along with yours.

I've picked one.

It sure doesn't sound like it. Which side have you picked? I can't tell by your first post:

What everyone else said.

Six months from now you could be back to binge drinking, making terrible decisions and feeling awful.....or have six months and two days sober. When you look back on August 8th.....which will your future self feel better about?

We don't disapprove Owen. We all get it and we are full of empathy and sympathy. We get why you are drinking and we understand all of the rationalization that is going on in your noggin.

You know what is going on my friend, and you don't need any lectures or education. You said it best - you are indeed playing with fire and you will get burned.

Keep posting regardless. I truly do not care if you are drinking and you don't need to pass a breathalyzer to hop onto SR. Tons of people on this site drink all the time. I hope you never EVER feel like you cannot come on here and tell us what is going on. But when you do, we're going to call it like we see it. Fair enough?

I hope your week is a good one Owen.

This is not your problem. This is on your Dad, your fiance, your friend. You are the person who needs to do the right thing for yourself.

That's the year I was born

I wouldn't worry about what others think. Drinking for me got so far out of hand I just can't do it anymore. I have 0 moderation.

What is this about? Is this about you doing what is best for you or you doing something that you "think" will please other people?

Perhaps you are not ready to quit? I mean, you know the wave is dangerous and you know where it will lead but knowing and doing are two different things. I "knew" my alcoholism was going to kick my ass. I truly knew it. I couldn't stop myself though. LUCKILY, I was able to finally give it up before I hurt myself or another person.

You can test the waters more if needed. Its your life. We are going to encourage you to make a different decision. That is what we are going to do here!