Learningnewways

My spouse is 10 days into AA meetings for recovery. He is determined and ready to put an end to his drinking. He is aware he has been extremely lucky with not losing his job, hurting himself or someone else or losing our marriage. Last night he decided he needs to balance life and recovery. Instead of attending meetings every day, he would like to attend AA meetings 3-4 times per week (choosing meetings that last an hour with individuals that have long success, openly share and don't pass sharing time), attend therapy weekly or bi-weekly to explore root causes to his addiction and have time for our marriage 2-3 times a week to adjust to our new lives. I selfishly was delighted to hear his new plan that includes marriage time. We are a very close couple and spend all our time together. We had a daily social life with friends. Being home alone in the evenings and on weekends has been a sad lonely adjustment for me. I realize he is going to meetings where he is receiving acceptance, understanding, support and is able to express himself. I know all these things are essential to his recovery and success. Yet, I resent every time he walks out the door. I know if we do have 2-3 days to look forward to enjoy our new lives together, the times I spend alone will be easier on me and in turn easier on us, because my resentment won't be in the middle of the recovery. I will be able to accept his time gone from the house 4-5 times a week, because we are nurturing us at the same time. Conflicted, I feel selfish and wrong for being delighted by his new balance life plan. I fear am I inviting failure or denying him what he needs by happily saying ok. Have any other couples been successful with balancing recover and marriage time?

Mizz

HELLO!
This is wonderful news about your husbands sobriety. It is good to hear that he is attending AA and working a program to recover from active alcoholism.

I do think your feelings are normal and should be acknowledged. Its not abnormal for one spouse to feel resentful or jealous of the time that their spouse is spending away from the home. That being said, it is very important for you to find your own tools as well. You could join ALANON as a step or take up a hobby that you have always wanted to start.

Meetings only last an hour. So....90 minutes tops. To and from.

Recovery from Alcoholism is very hard and the more support your husband can get the better. There will be a balance that the two of you will find. Give it some time to level out. You may find that you are actually enjoying your free time just to be you. Not spouse. Just you.

Raeven58

I'm sure it is hard, but I realize it's hard for both of you. Have you considered AL Anon? Maybe get some insight into.how you are feeling and what he's going through?

Glad to hear you are close, I hope this helps you to become even closer.

DriGuy

Yes it's possible, but nothing is a given.

Learningnewways

I do think I need to give Al Anon a try.

Learningnewways

I agree. I supported him in saying, know where you can find a meeting every day. That way if he is feeling it is a MUST he has a place and time to make it happen on any given day.

Anna

When I started recovery, I knew I had to find balance. Lack of balance in my life had been part of my issue in turning to alcohol. I'm not an AA person, so I decided what I needed to do each day/week for my recovery - reading, yoga, being mindful. I also decided to begin long evening walks with my husband, which helped me spiritually, physically and mentally. It also gave us time to really talk to each other, uninterrupted. I still continue to do those long walks.

I hope your husband continues to do well, and that you retain the bond you have with him.