stickyone

Today I'm grateful for 209 days

Just dealing with some issues. I've posted about my obstacles at work on when I became clean. Ive been working on my self care and healthy boundaries. To start saying no when I don't want to do it and not feel bad or obligated. The stress from work has increased I separated myself from the negativity or the people that just want stuff not learn. But now I get it at home you're lazy, you don't want to do anything. You don't do anything. WTF I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm handling situation better myself. I did so much for others when I was using. I am a person who likes to always lend a hand to people. But that has also led to alot of stress when I began getting used. I'm not a door mat I know my value and worth as a person. Just venting I'm a little cloudy. Anyone have a similar situation.

Sober45

Good rant, Stickyone. 209 days sober is an amazing accomplishment. Maybe when you're in a calmer state of mind, you can ask the accuser for a little more information?..."what do you mean, I'm lazy?" Did you tell the person how the accusation makes you feel?..."when you say I'm lazy, it hurts because I've worked so hard on this"

Another thing, if your in the best shape of your life, could the other person be making digs at you out jealousy? idk, just a thought.

anxiousrock

Wtf? This definitely deserves a rant. You're 209 days sober! That's handling things better than most people right there.

Anna

I'm sorry that you're not feeling appreciated. Maybe you and your family could sit down and have a conversation so that you could understand better what's meant by 'you don't want to do anything'. Congratulations on your 209 days of recovery. That's fantastic.

stickyone

Thank you everyone I will start checking in more because I see myself isolated more. I was not surprised that when I say no to doing other people's obligation my circle would be small. During my use I was always numbing my emotions with using but still did what others want. On the positive side I put in so much work for others that I am alot stronger with my own plate. When I stop to think now that is what really matters.

advbike

Even in sobriety some of us can be selfish. Take an honest look at what the complaints are. Is there any validity? Working out is for you, not the household. Do you help out with your share of the home chores? If, after honest reflection you can say that you do, then a sit down talk is in order to discuss. On the other hand, sometimes we can get so caught up in our own recovery efforts that we lose sight of the big picture and forget that others have been carrying a good part of the load for some time..

FreeOwl

hi advbike.... congratulations!!!

I'm not sure the context of your at home situation.... are these parental complaints? Spouse? Children? Roommates?

Have you taken a step back and looked at Step 4 in light of these complaints? What is it you can or are willing to change about yourself that may be tied to these complaints? We can't be in the business of pleasing others just to please others - but at the same time, I think we should listen to the voices of our family and those closest to us with an openness to learning where there may be continued room for our own growth and improvement.

Some of your description of yourself reminds me of my own high degree of focus on helping others - almost an addiction in itself. Co-dependency....

209 days is awesome. What would you like to accomplish between now and 269 days? How would you like your sobriety to deepen, your life to improve? Are any of those improvements in any way connected to the complaints you're hearing? Sometimes what sound like complaints can actually be accepted as 'encouragement to grow'.

Random thoughts in response to your post.

Keep at it!

stickyone

Yes I have I've supported this family member for 3 years financial and physically. What I mean is they were injured and wasn't working so as a man I stepped up. To find out over this pass year that they wasn't even injured but played the role because it was a workman's compensation issue and thought a case worker was watching. So being out of work collecting workman's comp. Having me do everything physical in public and at home. During these years I also injured myself but worked through it all, because I was under the impression they was really injured. Then after the settlement was done case close. The truth comes out wasn't really injured. And far as working out I haven't been to the gym to protect my family from this covid19 so I work out at home for a hour. I'm pretty sure it's m not lazy. LolWhen I heard it was fake , I stopped and wanted to cry I gave everything I had at the time. My kids kept me going. This needs to come out. 209 days ago I tried to take my life. My daughter saved my life. That day I looked into her eyes I said never again.

stickyone

The family is my spouse. I plan to continue growing. No major decisions in the first year. But I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind for a divorce. But I need to work and see where mind state is and if it was meant to be. Then my foundation should be strong to move on without the need using. And for me I have 8 years off alcohol and 209 days off opiates. Which I had a prescription for arthritis all these years.

advbike

Good job stickyone, and thanks for the clarification. I know the feeling. I also have supported others on and off for the past 10 years or so, some of that probably went too far. I am very codependent. Hang in there my friend and great job on 210 days free of opiates on top of 8 years sobriety! Dude that is just amazing! That is what counts the most. The rest will come.

Great job!

Bekindalways

Thanks for fighting through to these 209 days. Well done!

Also it does sound like the situation with you spouse really sucks. It probably isn't the time to make any big decisions but it is a good time to think through what you can live with and what you can let slide. More, of course, will be revealed.

Keep coming to vent whenever you need to!

Dee74

I dunno if it helps but people were not used to me saying no and sticking up for myself.
I was firm but fair, I didn't abuse the privilege - and they got used to it

D

Zencat

That's called establishing boundaries.
Its hard emotional work establishing boundaries. The reward is greater self-worth. I have been pushed/bulled around in the past when my self-esteem was in the rubbish bin. Not no more, not going to happen. I put an end to that mess and
​​​​​​​ you can too.

stickyone

Thank you everyone for the great responses. I learned that Change is coming no matter what we do in life. As long as when I'm going through it I'm growing through it. Things will work out for the best. But wow I am extremely codependent. Im going to work on this area. I got to stay connected here alot of good tools and information. Have a great day.
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