Suzieq17

Feeling a little less stressed today—although if I start thinking, there is a ton to stress over. Keep saying that it’s out of my control, so no need to worry—let go and let God.

Negative thoughts creeping back in my head—just petty thoughts, those unkind sentiments I had towards people while drinking, resentments towards people, etc. Didn't make me feel good, made me anxious. The last 10 days I haven’t had any thoughts like this—while drinking, they were constant—today I’ve had quite a few...just trying to process why they popped into my head today?

Had thoughts today about who I was 20 years ago as well— kind, outgoing, funny, intelligent, free spirit, driven and unique—I believe that soul still lies inside me. I’ve buried her because of a broken heart and tortured her and silenced her with alcohol for years. I thought today that I would be really happy to see her again. I’m not mad about the lost time, because I’m alive and I can change. My 11th day sober thoughts....thanks for listening ❤️

Aellyce

Congrats Suzieq on 11 days - day 11 for me as well! I don't really struggle with resentments towards people beyond some occasional irritability, only a job I am soon leaving but still have a few more months and dealing with it often triggers my cravings and impatience.

Your description of burying an earlier version of you is relatable though, I even wrote a short story about mine ~15 years ago on a drunken night, when my alcohol problem started to get bad. I personally would not want my younger self back and don't think all the things that happened in between are lost time... it's been some very heavy and deep life experience and not without value. I think I get what you may be feeling though. Onward to day 12 tomorrow!

advbike

Congrats on Day 11, that is quite an accomplishment. I always found that after Day 10 the cravings were gone, and it just became a matter of dealing with emotions that can still be a bit raw. As far as the thoughts, it is your ego at work. The ego is always trying to create "separate-ness". Just observe the thoughts and do not identify with them or act on them. You are not your thoughts.

That definitely sounds like the ego at work. Just let them pass. You're still that person by the way.. just keep up what you're doing and she will emerge again, even wiser, and kinder, and more unique.

ironwill

Hi SuzieQ, That is a great bunch of words to follow. I say them a lot. Most of the time stuff is out of our control and we need to let our higher Power deal with them.

That person is still there. Don't give up on her. She can come back. Alcohol stole this away from you. You are 11 days sober which is AWSOME! . Keep it up. Keep coming back here for support. Know that you are never alone in this battle. We are here for you. We will always listen and offer our best advice. Keep being stong.

Suzieq17

Thanks so much everyone for the advice and kind words. I’m just trying to make this my last quit, and I want to embrace a new sober life. Every day I’m
thankful for the sun, not picking up a drink, and the support of other alcoholics—thank you!

Zencat

Congrats day 11
Yes you can change for the better. Letting-go of what I can not change frees me up to change what I can.

Hevyn

11 days - how wonderful, suzie. Keep it going - this can definitely be the last quit. There's nothing in it for us - only heartache & misery.

Suzieq17

Thank you! I am so very tired of the heartache and misery. At 44, and with 30 years of addiction, I am ready to turn a page — one day at a time.

ironwill

SuzieQ,
It can be very tiering, battling the misery and heartache. You shouldn't look back at the past. It will only bring the WHAT IF of what you wished you had done different. You need to focus your energy on today. You are sober for today. Don't focus on the future. Just about the now. If you worry too much about long term if can be overwhelming. I know you are going to have days that the stress of everything seems to get out of control and you feel like a drink would take the edge off. You need to find a alterative that you can turn to. You can always come here to talk and know you are among people that want to help and see you succeed. i have faith that you can turn that page and start that new chapter in your life. Keep being strong and keep coming here for support.