Toughroad1209

I am so miserable that I feel pathetic! I can go without drinking for a week or so than I’m right back to heading out to bars from opening till close. spending a ton of funds drinking and wanting others to drink with me so it gets expensive once I look at my accounts once the binge is over. Typically last for 2-3 days.

Then I go home and have to face my kids and my wife, and it’s painful. Why she hasn’t left me, I don’t understand. I’ve tried quiting numerous times over the past 6 years and I haven’t been able to stop. Two 30 day rehabs, AA and personal will hasn’t worked yet!

Last, during these times I can be unfaithful. It sucks that I do that and the lack of trust when I’m not in front of my wife hurts.

The fact that I don’t want her to finally leave me may be the will I need to make this happen. I feel I’d be worse off if my kids were gone. I don’t think I could handle it.

Its a painful problem, emotional roller coaster that keeps pulling me to the bar and I don’t leave till I’m done doing whatever I be looking for.

thanks for reading my pain! Today is day 3 of being sober and my bodies starting to feel normal again. This time I need to stay with it.

brighterday1234

Surrender is that it took for me to recover from alcoholism (AA definition). I would have never have recovered if I tried to use my own willpower to overcome it. The spiritual solution is what it took for me to be sober and have peace of mind. I live a great life now and am very blessed. This is all thanks to my surrender and throwing the towel in versus alcohol.

Nonsensical

I thought I was trading treasure for pleasure for decades. After I got sober I realized I was trading joy for pleasure. That's when the real cost hit home.

Learn how to feel good without it. It's a different buzz, and much more satisfying.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Anna

Alcoholism is relentless and it will continue to draw us in until we decide drinking is no longer an option, ever. You can learn to deal with your feelings in a healthy way. It's not easy, but it's so worthwhile, and you can do it. It might be an idea to make a plan to have in place for the next time you want to go to the bar. Come up with some ideas that will help you get through the cravings.

Dee74

Welcome back toughroad

have you thought about what you might do differently this time?

D

Obladi

Toughroad, I'm guessing you're finding out the awful truth about bottoms - there are always more to plumb, far beyond the depths we could have ever pictured for ourselves. I can promise you from experience that it only gets worse. And I can tell you from experience, that AA and personal will don't "work;" we do.

It's really hard to commit to doing the right thing when you feel like garbage. It gets even harder for a time (at least it did for me) when you're feeling not so garbage-y and can easily fool yourself into drinking again.

Find something that you can believe in and hold onto it like your life depends on it - because it does. Here's what I started with when I concluded I could no longer live that way: I Never Drink Now. It's always now. I can always drink a moment from now, but it will still be now then. You know? It's not really a riddle or a jedi mind trick - it's just truth that I can hold onto no matter what else happens.

You can do this

O

nez

I have no wise words, solutions, or answers. All I can do is share parts of my journey. I needed to sick with it long before I did stick with it. When I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, I wanted to stick with it and I have!

I really can't begin to tell you how I got there (wanting to instead of needing to) or what caused it, but when it happened, I was on my way. All I can say is to keeping trying because you don't want to give up 5 minutes before it happens, because recovery is worth all the hell it takes to get there!

Toughroad1209

Thanks for all the encouragement! I need to be sober and when those thoughts come back into my head in the next week or so I need to shut it down. When I’m not drinking I work out 4-5 days out the week. However whenever I drink heavy, I’m stuck at home trying to recover for close to a week before I can even go back to exercise and binge watching tv and being prompt for working.

God bless and thanks again