Need advice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Hi chavet. I'm sober less long than you but am just going through a separation after 20 years of marriage.
Its awful. There is so much to it - loss of identity, loss of future plans, nostalgia for the past. It's horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
However (and someone on here said this to me when I first found out and I hated them for it...but it proved true!) life continues. And there are positives awaiting if I can grasp them. Life doesn't end; I didn't curl up and die; I'm still sober. The sun comes up and the sun goes down, food tastes good, my children are still ace, running still gives me a buzz, finishing a task is still satisfying.
I went out with a woman the other day and it was the first time of doing that with someone other than my wife in 22 years (and other things as well 😂 ). I didn't choose to separate and I'd have rather been with my wife, but it was fun and pleasant and shows the future exists.
I feel for your situation. It sounds horrible and by staying sober you are doing well. I have learned that even weaklings like me do survive such things and can still enjoy life even when the life I thought I would have comes to a crashing halt
Its awful. There is so much to it - loss of identity, loss of future plans, nostalgia for the past. It's horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
However (and someone on here said this to me when I first found out and I hated them for it...but it proved true!) life continues. And there are positives awaiting if I can grasp them. Life doesn't end; I didn't curl up and die; I'm still sober. The sun comes up and the sun goes down, food tastes good, my children are still ace, running still gives me a buzz, finishing a task is still satisfying.
I went out with a woman the other day and it was the first time of doing that with someone other than my wife in 22 years (and other things as well 😂 ). I didn't choose to separate and I'd have rather been with my wife, but it was fun and pleasant and shows the future exists.
I feel for your situation. It sounds horrible and by staying sober you are doing well. I have learned that even weaklings like me do survive such things and can still enjoy life even when the life I thought I would have comes to a crashing halt
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