LongWaytoGo2

Thanks for reading,
I'm currently on day 10 of sobriety and have been feeling pretty good all things considered. Most people probably don't quit drinking when life is going great though. So my wife and I have been going through a rough time and that's when I decided I need to get my act together and quit alcohol and deal with some underlying mental health issues we think I have. I'm working on scheduling time with a therapist but it's difficult to make an appointment right now. Either they aren't taking new patients or is months out.
Anyway, I have been having these thoughts that once I get my mental health situation worked out, I might be able to go back to being a casual drinker, since I won't be using alcohol as my only coping mechanism. I know this can't be a thing, but wanted to get it out there.
The other thing I have been wondering is how everyone deals with social situations, I don't want to make others feel uncomfortable by not drinking, but I know that people that know my situation will feel "weird" drinking around me.

It seems that if there was a party and a guest was there, and the host offers them a drink, and they politely decline, that is normal. But as soon as they find out that they used to be an addict, everyone's walks on eggshells. I have been thinking of telling myself and people around me to not think of me as an alcoholic, but just someone who doesn't drink. To ease some of that tension... Does that make sense?
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D122y

My friends will like me no matter what and vv.

My health is what caused me to quit. I almost relapsed at 1 and 2 years.

I have since not had a real close call.

But, I crave periodically.

It take years to normalize.

Born again non drinker. I hate the stuff.

Addict for life.

Thanks.

Dee74

I think a lot of us drink for underlying reasons but over time we also get addicted to our coping mechanism.

I've gotten over a lot of those things that used to make me drink - but I have enough evidence to know I have a very toxic relationship with booze. Once I start I can;t stop.

I still believe that to be the case.
No first drink, no problem

I can drink - or have the kind of life I want, and be the person I want to be - but not both.

As for other people - its perfectly acceptable to decline a drink with 'no thanks'. There's no need to add anything else.
a lot of people are non drinkers these days for all kinds of reasons including, health and well being.

Those friends who know my past have gotten over the eggshell thing, if it was ever there.
I will recommend tho that you don;t dive into 'wet' social situations too soon.

Day ten is great but still very very early.
I waited until I was sure that nothing or noone could tempt me back to the dark side

D

tomls

People, places and things. I realized that the only reason I was going certain places or associating with certain people was to drink or do drugs. I don't go to those places anymore. It took quite a while to get used to the change.

Hevyn

Hi LongWay. Congratulations on your 10 days sober - that's wonderful.
In my case, I think it was obvious to most people that I had a huge problem with alcohol. In the end, I was dependent on it - not a casual/social drinker. So I think people were happy to know I had decided to stop & they supported me. Thankfully, you don't seem to have reached that point - be glad.

nez

Early into my attempts at sobriety, I thought this was the case; but sober reality and my experience has shown me that line of thinking is baseless. I discovered that my drinking or not drinking was not near as important to other people as I thought it was. Evidently I am not the most important person in the room! :~)

When I was drinking, I was never made uncomfortable if anyone else was not drinking. I was only uncomfortable if I didn't drink.

Now that I am not drinking, I am never made uncomfortable if anyone else is not drinking. I will only become uncomfortable if I decide to start drinking...but that ain't gonna happen! :~)

Hevyn

Oh, definitely nez - not as important as we thought. Who knew.

Dropsie

Everybody thinks its cool. I just say I don't drink, yes I used to drink, stopped and now I feel and sleep better, at which point the conversation almost always either moves on or becomes about them. I also get huge respect, because they don't think they could do it, etc etc. So not an issue, and sometimes a convo starter, who knew?? My friends obviously know, but we don't talk about it. It just is.
I like the term teetotaller.
You got this.

Anna

I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking.

I wouldn't worry about social situations too much. And, there is no need to tell people you are an alcoholic. A simple 'No, thanks' should work just fine. You don't owe anyone an explanation. As far as feeling uncomfortable, I think you will find that normal drinkers will pay little or no attention as to whether or not you are drinking.

least

Welcome to the family. I rarely have any problems when I refuse a drink. I just say "no thanks" and that's that. On the odd occasion when I am questioned about not drinking, I reply, "does my not drinking bother you?" And that usually makes them stop asking/prying.

Glad you decided to get sober. I did almost 11 yrs ago and don't regret a minute of it. And I've never woken up sober and wished I had drank the night before.

LongWaytoGo2

Thanks everyone for your replies and suggestions. Hearing from everyone's experiences is definitely helping in my recovery.

tursiops999

Hi LongWay, welcome and congratulations on 10 days. When I first quit, I had thoughts that I might go back to drinking later. I see now that that was just my addiction talking (addiction, or the addict inside me, always wants me to keep drinking, or at least keep the option open for future drinking, because my addiction "dies" if I don't feed it). My mental health is so much better sober, I would never risk it again by drinking.

As for what to say in gatherings, I don't say much anymore other than "no thank you". I told just a few friends and family when I first quit, that I thought I was probably an alcoholic and was quitting. Now years later it is such a non-issue, that some of those friends have forgotten I ever said that -- they occasionally offer me a drink and I just say no thanks. For new people that I meet, I just say "no thanks" or "I don't drink". If they ask why (most people don't ask), I might say "I feel so much better without it". If anyone were to pry further (no one ever has), I would just change the subject. Nobody's business but mine.

least

As far as becoming a 'normal' or 'social' drinker later on, don't confuse abstinence with control. Just because you've been sober for a while doesn't mean you have somehow 'learned' to control it.

I found that I was so much happier sober, I no longer have the desire to drink at all. I get my relaxation from petting my dog and cats.

matrac

I avoid social drinking situations.
as for therapy, with telemedicine, you should be able to find a therapist with the physical boundaries removed? Maybe start with a University setting?
Best wishes to you

fini

if anyone else is uncomfortable by me/you not drinking, then whoa, they have a problem that has nothing to do with me/you.
that is on them. entirely.

and yeah, i had thoughts similar to yours regarding needing to work out some stuff, some of my reasons for drinking, and (contrary to you but maybe not that far off) that once i figured out all my reasons for drinking, i would then know why i couldn’t quit, which would give me the insight i needed in order to quit....ooof, screwy thinking.
the insight i needed was that i didn’t have control, and that my drinking would never be different.

BornSurvivor

Exactly.

I haven't met many people that care too much that I don't drink. Most I've found are actually quite intrigued in a good way. I think back to when I was drinking when I would meet someone who didn't drink I'd think 'man I wish I could be like that or had that type of confidence... etc...." Not drinking does not make anyone weird, a loser, etc... It's just a personal choice nothing less and nothing more.

stickyone

When I first stopped drinking. And when I would attend a family function where drinking would happen. I would volunteer as a designated driver. But deal was all the food I can eat. And it's cool when that family member had a nice car that he would never let anyone drive but you get the okay. Food , time with family and drive a nice car. Saving a person life priceless. But still be careful about those outside family events.