Nearly fell yesterday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 65
Nearly fell yesterday
Yesterday I woke up in a bad mood, no idea why. My mood deteriorated throughout the day and nothing I did seemed to help.
I was seriously considering drinking, I started to come up with little plans on how to slip out to the shop, the drink I would buy, the quantity I would drink, the way I would hide it.
I just about made it till dinner without caving in and as soon as I'd eaten dinner i felt so relieved that i didn't drink. I actually couldn't believe i was so stupid to consider ruining my sobriety as I know exactly where 1 drink would have led to.
Although I'm proud that I didn't drink it has made me feel a bit afraid and vulnerable to relapse.
I'm only a few weeks sober but when I'm in the right mind set I feel so committed and strong, I honestly feel like 2 different people. Addict and non addict!
I was seriously considering drinking, I started to come up with little plans on how to slip out to the shop, the drink I would buy, the quantity I would drink, the way I would hide it.
I just about made it till dinner without caving in and as soon as I'd eaten dinner i felt so relieved that i didn't drink. I actually couldn't believe i was so stupid to consider ruining my sobriety as I know exactly where 1 drink would have led to.
Although I'm proud that I didn't drink it has made me feel a bit afraid and vulnerable to relapse.
I'm only a few weeks sober but when I'm in the right mind set I feel so committed and strong, I honestly feel like 2 different people. Addict and non addict!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Firstly....well done! The important thing is that you didn't drink.
I feel exactly the same a lot of the time. Really certain I won't drink one minute, the really vulnerable the next. I think it's just the nature of things but the most important thing is to not pick regardless
I feel exactly the same a lot of the time. Really certain I won't drink one minute, the really vulnerable the next. I think it's just the nature of things but the most important thing is to not pick regardless
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by Flowing 
Although I'm proud that I didn't drink it has made me feel a bit afraid and vulnerable to relapse.
I am an adamant, hard-core, non-drinker. I revel in my recovery. However, sometimes I hear my AV ringing a distant, far away bell, and I'm immediately reminded of how much I could not - at all - ever - trust myself when I drank. I too became another person...not one I ever want to encounter again.
That's just one more slice of help the Universe offers me to stay on my colorful recovery train.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
Good work on making it through!
The only thing I see you did wrong was you gave the AV an ear. Ignore that loser.
You are only a couple weeks along. It gets better but you need a plan for when the AV hits.
Listening to it is the last thing you should do.
The only thing I see you did wrong was you gave the AV an ear. Ignore that loser.
You are only a couple weeks along. It gets better but you need a plan for when the AV hits.
Listening to it is the last thing you should do.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
I think part of the ease and comfort that I craved was not just the alcohol but the blood sugar spike. Especially from craft beer full of sugar and carbs. I would try and time it to have just enough food in my stomach to stand up straight after drinking beer sky high in alcohol but not too full to ruin my buzz and force me to drink hard liquor. Not that I didn't do shots from time to time on a light stomach.
We can be vulnerable to cravings when we are:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Sometimes a bite to eat is all we really wanted.
I am careful now because I fast intermittently which has been great for keeping weight off. I drink just enough black coffee to not feel hungry without drinking too much and bouncing off the walls. Its a balancing act i have gotten pretty good at.
We can be vulnerable to cravings when we are:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Sometimes a bite to eat is all we really wanted.
I am careful now because I fast intermittently which has been great for keeping weight off. I drink just enough black coffee to not feel hungry without drinking too much and bouncing off the walls. Its a balancing act i have gotten pretty good at.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Some folks say it gets easier. Some say it gets tougher. I say the addiction morphs.
The crave has a song for all seasons to tempt me. It has a 1 days tempt, a 10 year tempt, a new job tempt, a covid tempt...you get the picture.
Bottom line, we here don't drink any more. We are proud and not so loud. We hate booze and will never ever put that neurotoxin in my mouth with the intent to get drunk.
Thanks.
The crave has a song for all seasons to tempt me. It has a 1 days tempt, a 10 year tempt, a new job tempt, a covid tempt...you get the picture.
Bottom line, we here don't drink any more. We are proud and not so loud. We hate booze and will never ever put that neurotoxin in my mouth with the intent to get drunk.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I wish I could say this moment you had wont come up again. It will. Your strength, perseverance and determination speaks volumes. You did not drink!
Do you have people to call when you get into that space?
Have you eaten enough food?
Logging in here and asking for some words of encouragement or an ear is helpful.
I have been where you are and I have successfully stopped from a relapse. I have also successfully relapsed. I'm not one to be arrogant and all knowing about this. Not my first rodeo. Hopefully my last.
Relapse can happen but it doesn't have too. Learning some tools is essential.
Do you have people to call when you get into that space?
Have you eaten enough food?
Logging in here and asking for some words of encouragement or an ear is helpful.
I have been where you are and I have successfully stopped from a relapse. I have also successfully relapsed. I'm not one to be arrogant and all knowing about this. Not my first rodeo. Hopefully my last.
Relapse can happen but it doesn't have too. Learning some tools is essential.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
The best advice I was ever given to shore up my sobriety was to practice gratitude every day. 
When I am grateful, it's hard to feel receptive to negative influences. Gratitude fills my heart with peace and leaves little room for destructive impulses.
It's hard to describe, but being grateful has been the best habit I've ever developed. It's made me happier too.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
When I am grateful, it's hard to feel receptive to negative influences. Gratitude fills my heart with peace and leaves little room for destructive impulses.It's hard to describe, but being grateful has been the best habit I've ever developed.
It's made me happier too. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 1,599
Originally Posted by Flowing
I'm only a few weeks sober but when I'm in the right mind set I feel so committed and strong, I honestly feel like 2 different people. Addict and non addict!
Blergh.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 65
Thanks everyone.
Sobriety is easy when it's easy, when I'm feeling positive and soaking up all the benefits of it.
It gets hard when all of those benefits seem to disappear and all I'm left with are these excruciating emotions that I no longer have my medicine for.
But, the thing I need to remember is that those bad feelings, those horrible, unescapable emotions are now a distant memory, they were a few hours on Saturday afternoon. I now feel no effect from those emotions whatsoever, they're gone.
We all know where I'd be now if I'd have drank.
Thanks for the support.
Sobriety is easy when it's easy, when I'm feeling positive and soaking up all the benefits of it.
It gets hard when all of those benefits seem to disappear and all I'm left with are these excruciating emotions that I no longer have my medicine for.
But, the thing I need to remember is that those bad feelings, those horrible, unescapable emotions are now a distant memory, they were a few hours on Saturday afternoon. I now feel no effect from those emotions whatsoever, they're gone.
We all know where I'd be now if I'd have drank.
Thanks for the support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 65
Thanks everyone.
Sobriety is easy when it's easy, when I'm feeling positive and soaking up all the benefits of it.
It gets hard when all of those benefits seem to disappear and all I'm left with are these excruciating emotions that I no longer have my medicine for.
But, the thing I need to remember is that those bad feelings, those horrible, unescapable emotions are now a distant memory, they were a few hours on Saturday afternoon. I now feel no effect from those emotions whatsoever, they're gone.
We all know where I'd be now if I'd have drank.
Thanks for the support.
Sobriety is easy when it's easy, when I'm feeling positive and soaking up all the benefits of it.
It gets hard when all of those benefits seem to disappear and all I'm left with are these excruciating emotions that I no longer have my medicine for.
But, the thing I need to remember is that those bad feelings, those horrible, unescapable emotions are now a distant memory, they were a few hours on Saturday afternoon. I now feel no effect from those emotions whatsoever, they're gone.
We all know where I'd be now if I'd have drank.
Thanks for the support.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
What stands out to me is that the craving left after you ate. When I was drinking, my response to every bodily signal was alcohol.
That’s what alcohol does... it overrides our natural instincts to eat when we are hungry, drink water when we are thirsty and so on. My cat has a better handle of balance than I do! Lol
by getting through it sober you built some serious sober muscle. Something to be really grateful for today
That’s what alcohol does... it overrides our natural instincts to eat when we are hungry, drink water when we are thirsty and so on. My cat has a better handle of balance than I do! Lol
by getting through it sober you built some serious sober muscle. Something to be really grateful for today
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
My sobriety grows stronger each time I resist the urge to drink. Foundations for sobriety strengthened. It's the acting on the urge that has these foundations crumble every single time. Well done. Build on the rock.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
