Splash29

Not doing too well. I basically am blacking out every night past couple of weeks, maybe months. I wake up some mornings not even remembering what I cooked for dinner. I’m either hungover or drunk. My brain is always foggy, I’m really feeling low, like a total loser. Over never remembering anything that happens past 5:30pm bc I started drinking at 2pm. Its sick what im doing to myself. I have a dull pain in my side and im thinking its might be my liver. I’m going through a bottle and half of wine day like its water.

biminiblue

I guess I would turn that around.

Why can't you stop?

It's pretty much the textbook definition of addiction to keep doing something you don't want to do.

Have you ever quit for any length of time?

There are AA meetings all over the world, maybe stop in and ask for help. Right now you can listen in to online ones.

The answer is: You can stop. Make it so.

Anna

You can stop and many of us here have done just that. It's not easy to stop drinking, but you start by getting rid of the alcohol in your house and not buyig anymore. Then, come up with a detailed plan about how to get through each day, evening, weekend. Just take each day as it comes and do whatever you need to do to not drink.

Gabe1980

Getting help is a really good idea. It is often too hard to do this alone and finding people to talk to about how you feel can help so much x

Renegade2

I too was having memory blanks and liver pain. I too was drinking daily into oblivion. I too realized this was not good for me.

Just like us, you can stop it too. Put your mind to it. Get busy. Plan stuff. Days will turn into weeks. Weeks will turn into months.

You can do this! We're here to help you!

Obladi

Every single one of us can relate to where you're at, Splash. It's really awful, isn't it? That's the booze, of course - it beats the crap out of people like us.

Are you ready to stop?

Coldfusion

I was not able to stop drinking on my own. I needed lots of help. I started by going to the hospital, where they checked me over and gave me to IV's for rehydration. I then spent five days in a no-cost detox (one could possibly skip the hospital and go straight to detox). While there, I was exposed to the fellowship of other addicts and introduced to AA meetings. I followed up at home by joining this forum and going to ninety AA meetings in ninety days.

Here is just one group out of thousands of AA meetings (Pacific time, GMT -7h):

https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL

Here are some good threads to join:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7512066 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 500)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...er-2020-a.html

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...eekenders.html (Baby Steps 18 - 21 September 2020 - WEEKENDERS)

BeABetterMan

Listen to Coldfusion. Your answer is in the post.

DriGuy

That's the way I felt. No one deserves that, and you can stop. In my case, I had to get help. I don't know if I could have done it on my own. I don't think so because I did that for years. Getting help from other people seemed to be what got me around the corner. And contrary to what I thought before that, help from others was not that pitiful loser feeling. I was grateful to have that help, and I will never forget those people.

LumenandNyx

Hi,

You wrote, "Why can't I stop"
You can stop. You just aren't. You keep swallowing alcohol and that's your biggest problem.

Stop drinking and everything else will fall into place.

I know how hard it is to stop drinking and stay stopped - but that's the answer.. That is what you have to do to start feeling better.

Is the pain you're experiencing on your right side just under your rib cage? Is it like a burning stabbing sensation?
If so - then yes, that's probably your liver. Once you stop b1tch-slapping it with alcohol, it'll begin to heal.

I had the same issue with my liver years ago and used to press on it with my finger to alleviate the pain.

As long as you continue to toss alcohol down your throat - nothing is going to get better. It'll change - but it won't get better.

Splash29

Thanks everyone. This morning I just woke up feeling very depressed, more than I've felt in a longtime. I just realized I was an alcholic. I was making all these excuses to continue drinking (stress, crazy world, can't see my friends, boredom, etc.), but now I realize they were just excuses. That I just wanted to drink. I have done aa before, kept me sober for a few years in my early 30s (feels like a lifetime ago! Not even sure how I did it) and I plan to find a meeting to attend. The liver pain, clammy & bloated skin is really scaring me. And I consistently wake up at 3am like clockwork, which I've heard is sign of health issues from alchol.

Rsanchez920

Now is not the time to romanticize the drink. You will not regret not drinking. But if you make that choice the anxiety, shame and regret will most definitely be there waiting for you in the morning. I've slipped up more times than I can count. Not once was it ever worth it.

RosieBecomming

Hi
I think it take a lot of courage to identify your problem and to accept it.
It is really hard to stop and the feelings of being unwell during detox along with the mental anguish can make it feel unbearable. I am on day 2 today; very early days. I don't feel well but I have hope which I have NOT had for this entire year. for 9 months I have been hopeless and drinking. I'm holding onto this hope like it is a life raft.
I hope you start to feel better soon

least

You can stop drinking, you just haven't yet. In order to stop drinking for good you must want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Coldfusion

Many meetings are online now. I recommend looking up AA in your area, and seeing what they offer. The link I posted is for the Bellevue group near Seattle (there are some meetings starting soon). I sometimes attend the 5:30 "Living Sober" meeting--it usually has about 60 attendees. Be sure to introduce yourself when asked if there are people with less than 30 days. You will need to download Zoom.

D122y

I think some of us are more "addictive" than others.

I quit cold turkey after a self designed improvised slow detox. But, my last drink was about 400 ml of Jameson whiskey.

I made some onion dip the other night and eating it reminds me of my drinking days.

I say I am just going to have a few chips with dip, next thing I have had 12.

I did the same thing with shots of booze. Addiction.

Suffering was my only way out. It hurt like hell for a long long long time. I wanted to drink every night and it hurt to not do it.

I still want to drink because i drank for about 40 years and it is like tying my shoes.

There were moment of complete peace from day one. Those moments got longer and longer. That is what I live for.

Exercise and sweets helped in the early days. I don't need the sweets as much now, but I still hit the gym all the time.

Hope this helps. Posting and helping makes the suffering soften.

Thanks.

MaximusD

Most need help as others have said. Many have quit with just this site as help but you need to come in daily and post. Like everything else, you get out of it what you put in. In the beginning recovery has to be your #1 priority (really it always should be). Few succeed the very first time so be prepared to start again if you slip and know that for many that is part of the process. With continued effort you CAN do this. The waking up at 3am is your body starting withdrawals. Your blood alcohol is probably pretty low at that time.

Dee74

You can stop Splash - let your actions reflect that desire to stop . Lean on the community here and post for help instead of buying more booze.

This really can be the last time you need to feel like this

D

Hevyn

Hi Splash. I'm so glad you posted about what's going on. As the others have said, you can stop - as soon as you're fed up with the way your life is going.
I clung to drinking for a long time after I knew it was going to kill me if I didn't stop. I drank all day at one point, but I was miserable. I wanted to have a clear head again - to stop hiding from reality - to feel joy & hope again. It can be done - sounds like you're getting ready to do it. Get free!

Wastinglife

I have blackouts as well. I usually will still have vague memories. Like a picture in my head but no idea if it actually happened or just a dream. I have injured myself and been arrested or in the ER more times than I can remember. I never learn my lesson. I am tempting fate....